Black People : When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by CarrieMonet, Aug 17, 2004.

  1. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    When keeping it real goes wrong, it's usually because someone felt disrespected by someone else - sometimes this person can be a total stranger. Sometimes keeping it real can lead to death - and a whole lot of regret later. This is seen in many cases of road rage.

    To me respect is something earned. You earn it by what you say and do. By how you carry yourself. It is not something you get for simply existing.

    Is respect automatic or is it earned? How can you expect it when you don't respect yourself or anyone else? How can you have such a blatant disregard for human life and talk about respect?
     
  2. daroc

    daroc Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    respect is def earned... but is it the same wit fam?
    do u atomatically come out respectin ur dad... cuz i kno it can diappear in the quickness.. but does respect fo ur fam jus come or do yall think thats earned too....?
     
  3. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think to some degree, respect is automatic AND earned. You usually respect your elders.. but you slowly give respect to your peers, usually only when you feel they have done something to deserve it. Now, that can change depending on the circumstances, I believe. I give the utmost repsect to my father, but my mother? I love her dearly, wouldn't tradse her for the world, but sometimes she can be a very illogical person.

    Respect is one of those touchy-feely subjects, where everyone has an opinion but few people agree. I think respect has boundaries. You should respect a person's personal space, their right to an opinion, etc. etc.

    For some reason, though, people think fear = respect, which is why you get all these weird songs and strange comments. To make someone respect you, you have to make them fear you. I do not, IMHO, think this is correct. I do not have to like your opinion, but I must respect your opinion, and I should never, ever fear it.
     
  4. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i respect every one.
    it's yours to lose if you don't act right.
     
  5. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think that people earn respect by being respectable people...most of the time I give it and leave it up to them to lose it. With family...it is the same. A family member has to do more to lose respect than a non family member...but it is the same in the end because people are people and can get up to the nasty things and rotten behaviours other people do even if they are related.


    Respect to Toylin for the point on fear and respect. I started a debate and a poll/discussion on that topic on another site actually. :roll:
     
  6. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you. Actually, I thought of it because it's one of those misconceptions my ex has. He thought that if he could "scare" me, then I would obey him, therefore, respect him like a "man."

    Question for the fellas: have you, or anyone you know, ever done that puffed up chest thrust walk and walking around telling me that you're "a man" and demanding that they respect you? Why do people do that?
     
  7. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    cause and effect..............

    This "tough act" comes straight from the parents. Black people teach by example to do this. I could start a thread on "tough guy" type quotes that black parents speak on and it would never end.

    Kids see that mom and/or dad is the ruler of the house by force and they constantly remind everyone of that with threats and tough guy quotes. I have read and heard more tough guy quotes from black parents than from any children in a school yard.

    Also, this is really a thing for black males because black parents see fighting their male children as more important than raising them. How many times have you heard black parents refer to raising kids as a "war"? How many times have you heard parents speak of "knocking their kids out" or "taking them off the planet" for certain behaviours and never mentioning teaching the kid in advance that the behaviour is wrong? How many times have you heard that "talking is for white people....black people whoop ***"? Now think of how many times you have seen a young black male get called "white" for trying to talk their way out of a dispute or take some "soft" approach to problem solving.

    Go to any school yard and listen to young black males and you will hear their mama's quotes reconfigured to fit the school yard situation. Black people do not realize the consequences of the stupidness that flows out of their mouths within an earshot of children.....then these same people wanna blame rap lyrics??......pure madness.
     
  8. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You know, I actually agree with most of this. My ex told me that his father used to tell him, "You better not cry, boy. Suck it up. Youse a man. Be a solider" among other things. The more I think about my childhood, you're absolutely right. How many times have we all heard things like "Stop crying before I give you something to cry about."
     
  9. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi, Sister CarrieMonet... Re = again + Spectos = to look or to see... That is the literal latin definition of the word RESPECT - to look again... To look again at your brother or your sister before flying off the handle(smile!) All human, animal, insect, and plant life created by The Creator deserve our basic respect...

    How does a mere baby EARN respect, or a puppy, or a bee, and what would be our criteria for respecting a young teen if one is, say, my age??? Because the teen has not started a family, does not own a home, does not pay any bills, do I DISrespect him or her... Answer is a resounding NO! Respect is consderation for others, though it can entail more... Reverence and respect are two different entities... To revere one is to respect(Look Again)at their accomplishments, the very fact of having lived an honorable and venerable life... Basic respect is due everyone, particularly those whom we do not know.

    I believe that one of the reasons our young people place so much emphasis on (what they call) respect is due to the lack of respect shown them by their elders and parents... I never experienced that level of disrespect from my parents and elders, and grew up believing I was always respected, as it were...

    Respect became something else when I began dating, and kickin' it with sistas... Sistas would say things I felt were quite disrespectful of me, but as I later understood what that was all about, I realized the superficiality of my intial readings(smile!) Once again, Look Again... Respect is about giving everyone, including yourself, the benefit of a doubt... Respect can never be obtained by instilling fear in someone... If you believe that, then you are ignorant of the meaning of respect...

    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  10. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What you are saying is true. But I suppose that by my saying respect is earned...I simply mean you're actions are viewed from the time you come into contact with another person. Age really doesn't have any bearing on it...well, at least not to me.

    If you meet someone new and act rude and negative, you haven't yet earned the respect of those around you. If you are pleasant and friendly, people will respect you.

    Same goes for children. I've gone to the park with my God-son and have run into mean little kids who were rude - and some were as young as 5 years old. I understand that the child's behavior may not be totally his fault...but that child was also far from gaining any respect from me. When I tried to talk to the child, I was almost cussed out.

    So you are right, respect is given automatically until you do something to take it away...but isn't that still like earning respect?
     
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