Black Relationships : when is it cheating?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by zedlove, Jun 2, 2004.

  1. zedlove

    zedlove New Member MEMBER

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    today my wife came to my office with me. tacked on my office wall was a valentines day note from a co-worker (the co-worker is a female, its not that kind of party). it was nothing erotic or outlandish. just a note that came with a couple of pieces of candy. so after reading the note my wife is like whats this? and who is ******? i told her just a friend that i clown with while im at work. after discussing it for almost an hour and giving up every deail about this woman i finally told my wife that yes i find her attractive and we flirt with each other but i have never even seen this girl outside of work, and probably never will. then came the quicksand question. if you could would you kiss her? i hesitated and said no. to make a long story longer, the conversation ended with us not agreeing on what the boundaries of cheating are. my definition has always been cheating involves sex. kissing someone, lusting over incredably fine women on the street, talking dirty to women on line cannot hardly be called cheating. i apologize if this ground has been covered but i am curious to know what some of the opinions are about the definition of "cheating"
     
  2. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    First of all, welcome to the house of love.
    then I''d like to know where you came from? because if you call that not cheating, then I'm sure a whole lot of married men would re-locate to where you are (lol) but not really laughing.
    kissing, lusting, and talking dirty is not cheating? okay it's a joke right? where's the punch line? cause I sure hope there's one. What happens if you walk in a place where your wife is and she's kissing another man? always remember..."the door swings both ways"
     
  3. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Greetings Brother Zedlove and welcome to Destee.com. :wave:

    You've chosen good topic that I'm sure will generate a lot of interest. Yes, we have probably covered the topic here and there, we've so many threads in our community. But it's always good when new members arrive and pose questions to us regardless of whether we've discussed them before or not.

    Interestingly, as I read your comments about the scene with your wife, there were so many revealing details in what you wrote that convinced me that you know very well what constitutes "cheating" in a marital or committed relationship. If you reacted as you described when your wife questioned you, you put forth a very weak argument brother.

    For example these are telltale signs when you're CAUGHT doing something that probably wouldn't be perceived well by your spouse or significant other:

    Who is she?
    Further discussion led you to reveal that...
    The clencher that you call being honest: Would you kiss her?
    Have you ever heard of a children's story called "The BIG Lie?" You should read it sometime and then you might have a better understanding why you and your wife don't agree on what constitutes "cheating". I think it would be vewwy smart of you to figure this out and get it right if you want peace in your household! :teach:

    Just one sister's o-pinion! :D

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  4. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't think it's cheating, but the fact that it hurts your wife (and for good reason) makes it questionable. In my opinion, if you're married, you should not be flirting with anyone. Now, people will say "hey, flirting is innocent and is not chating". What happens if one of the parties is not just flirting, but hoping it will turn into more? Some people are trifflin'. Even though nothing's going on, how do you know this woman is not eye-balling your wife when she comes in. You know, that look like "yeah, you think that's your man". Plus, if your wife was flirting and giggling all day with someone who looked like Tyson Beckford, how would you feel? If you found a card in her purse with candy and it was signed by Tyson, would you feel so secure?
     
  5. Lucky

    Lucky Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Basically its not cheating if you don't get caught :grin:
    Sike naw tho j/k, It all depends on the level of trust you and her have and coming to an agreement on whats cheating and whats not.
     
  6. jazzymoonchild

    jazzymoonchild Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hello and welcome to the Destee family. As a newbie myself, you will find as I did, that there are lots of good people here. Now, to the subject at hand. Sweetie, for most of us, the sceanario you painted does constitute a degree of cheating, simply because it is inappropriate. Did you ever introduce your wife to this woman? Ever spoke of her to your wife before? It is not the way to introduce what is supposed to be a platonic office relationship into your marriage. You will be attracted to other women, some perhaps strongly. How you carry yourself and respect your relationship either in or out of the sight of your wife is your rock. Most men cannot stand the thought of another man stepping to someone they consider theirs, you really don't want to be on the other side do you? If you have something good and solid, don't let an office "distraction" ruin what you've built. Best of luck to you.
     
  7. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It all depends on the level of trust?? ...please, let's get real.
    I can't see, in no shape, form or fashion, my husband/mate/other half...swaping spit in somebody else's mouth and then come back to do the same with me? ...I rather think not. And if you don't think that's cheating, then that's fine with me. But I feel differently (and of course that's just my opinion) if it did happen, then believe this...it will go futher...eventually.
     
  8. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That's true. First it starts with flirting. Then lunch. Then drinks after work. The touchy feely at work. Then Motel 6. What seems harmless at first can change to something more and more like adultery. Nip it. Even if it doesn't, you're flirting is sending a sign that you are more available than the ring on your finger may suggest.
     
  9. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    smh...


    I'm sorry, but YES!!! You will be cheating if you kiss, touch, or talk dirty to another female. All those things lead up to sex.. I mean come on now..lol... You never hear a person say, I cheated on my mate because I tied my shoe..lol...Cheating comes from the lusting, the dirty talking, and the kissing..you can lQQk, but don't feel and you can talk to her but don't taste..ok....lol
    This is your wife, you don't want to ever want to give another woman any chance to get between you and your wife. Alot of times, women get kicks from being able to get the attention of a married man, she may not be into you @ all, but the thrill of it is like a high to them. A marraige is blessed by God. The bible says he who finds a wife finds a good thing so lust and flirt and talk dirty to your wife and watch the both of you be blessed.
    Peace
    Nita :heart:
     
  10. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You have said a mouthful...
     
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