Black Relationships : When Is Divorce Necessary?

What? These MEN thought it necessary to marry them...they did it on their own free will...THEY thought it would be best to do so...THEY thought it would work.

I told them it wouldn't...one homeboy insisted that it would, but it didn't.

I give him kudos for trying.



He didnt stay. They might as well had been dating. And yes he deserves kudos for trying





..
 
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." -- Maya Angelou

I think Divorce is Necessary the moment a person realizes they can not be completed by their spouse. But this also means that Marriage is no light feat. If people make light of Marriage, then they should get Divorced NOW. No sense in being Married to the Wrong person.

Really, no sense in being involved with the wrong people. But I should take my own advice. A Sister did me dirty recently. Mmmmmmm. 'Course I'm also thinking - - well too much pride is too much pride . . . but . . ..
 
I've never been married. But one day I would like to fall in love and get married. However, I'm very skeptical about it. Being that I know more people who have divorced then remained married.
My daughter's friend's parents are getting divorced because from my understanding the husband is very controlling and mean. They have 4 kids together, one of which is between the two, and the other three are hers.
He is opposed to helping out with the three that are hers, because he doesn't feel it's his responsibility. Mind you, the father of the 3 kids are involved and does help out.
Anyways, he's mean to the kids as well.
She went to my parent's business and got a job so that she could provide for her other kids, but he didn't want her to work either.
So he served her with divorce papers.
IMO, I feel like he knew what he was coming into when he married her...He knew that she had three kids.

Anyways, with that being said...when is divorce necessary? When you are simply unhappy with your spouse? When there is infidelity? When there isn't any intimacy? Financial problems?


I Look at it like this:

Though we use the general term, "Marriage", the first thing we should recognize is that every single marriage is a very specific union between specific individuals. Because folks file the same papers and receive the same tax breaks and titles and whatnot.. does not in any way make their marriages equivalent. Each one is it's own unique thing.. because each set of individuals is unique.

So, when is divorce necessary?.. it's necessary when the reasons for the union are no longer strong enough to hold the individuals together. So, it all depends on the reasons why the couple married in the first place. People grow and change.. as do circumstances.. and after those changes take place, we sometimes find ourselves great distances from where we were.. for better and also for worse. A woman that has an epiphany... and for example.. is Saved.. in the Black Church sense of the word.. may suddenly find herself at odds with her Husband and their "Open" relationship.. and.. that would be a situation where divorce would be the right thing to do. Sever the old relationships and move forward.. kids or no kids.. it really all comes down to the individuals and what they want for their oh so short lives. It's a very specific thing.. and I'm not sure anyone else's relationship contain's any deep insight for others.

Like your friends case with the blended family.. the my kids versus your kids situation.. that's a very specific mess to be in.. if she has kids then you're marrying her, her kids and her kids father.. and if you have kids, she's marrying you, your kids and your kids mother.. the union is between all of you.. and there's no way around it.. now.. if that's something you have the skillset to handle, then cool.. do your thing.. but I think it's a mistake to not take all of the personalities into consideration. You gotta leave that hollywood love at the theater and make some real choices based on real life.
 
I've never been married. But one day I would like to fall in love and get married. However, I'm very skeptical about it. Being that I know more people who have divorced then remained married.
My daughter's friend's parents are getting divorced because from my understanding the husband is very controlling and mean. They have 4 kids together, one of which is between the two, and the other three are hers.
He is opposed to helping out with the three that are hers, because he doesn't feel it's his responsibility. Mind you, the father of the 3 kids are involved and does help out.
Anyways, he's mean to the kids as well.
She went to my parent's business and got a job so that she could provide for her other kids, but he didn't want her to work either.
So he served her with divorce papers.
IMO, I feel like he knew what he was coming into when he married her...He knew that she had three kids.

Anyways, with that being said...when is divorce necessary? When you are simply unhappy with your spouse? When there is infidelity? When there isn't any intimacy? Financial problems?

I used to think that it was only necessary in the cases of infidelity or abuse. But if the other person wants to leave because deep down they lied to you to get you and it causes you so much misery, it could be an option. If the marriage causes you spiritual distress, it could be an option.

I never liked the idea of divorce, even though I'm going through one. I also don't like the idea of getting married under false pretenses. Marriage is a life partnership that is divinely sacred, and those vows mean something. You vow to love and cherish a person through everything. Difficulties don't matter, the relationship does.

In the case of this dude (personal opinion only) I say if he is content to leave, let him leave. There is no such honorable thing as marrying a person but not a person's family. There is no seperate situation in marriage. You marry all of a person and everything that comes with them. That's why you should think very carefully before doing it. Marriage isn't a thing to be decided on emotions alone. When you decide to live life with a person, you decide that your bond of love is strong enough to take care of each other through everything and love each other through everything. And if that is not your undying resolve, marriage is not the right move for you.

I can tell you this, marriage with someone who doesn't mean their vows is a miserable thing.
 

Donate

Support destee.com, the oldest, most respectful, online black community in the world - PayPal or CashApp

Latest profile posts

HODEE wrote on Etophil's profile.
Welcome to Destee
@Etophil
Destee wrote on SleezyBigSlim's profile.
Hi @SleezyBigSlim ... Welcome Welcome Welcome ... :flowers: ... please make yourself at home ... :swings:
Back
Top