i recall the sunny days i had on the playground the sand the swings the merry go rounds- careless. you remember. spring and summer, slip and slide we would take a timeless glide... fun was free as we would climb the tree, telling secrets.. but it was always a snitch " ohhhh i'mma telllllll, mamaaaa!!" on his way down the tree i'm like "man don't yell, ah hah that's why you fell " but now... this backyard is different. this playground is different with hovering teal skies the "dirt" the "swings" the "un-merry go rounds"- careless? i think now that my mother was behind me pushing that swing watching my joy and laughter preparing me for the thereafter blur all the while knowing that i'd need a strength stronger than her to push me through these swings of life. she knew that the sand would not be the same and that later hassles of life would destroy my sand castles... she knew as she spinned the merry go round that greater forces than her would soon spin me around and around and around until i'm dizzy and sick in her ears is a different sound of a little boy... a little boy who has grown to understand that pain is the doorway to joy... and for joy i have to throw away all of my toys. it is peace i seek i can't find in my boys. it is satisfaction i need that not even the girls could fill. this "playing field" does not have the same thrills this playground is real where men make noise between grief or relief it has a hill to heaven and i did not see this hill when i was seven but she did.... but now that i am a man, i wish sometimes i were that kid. careless free and i can see that she knew one day i'd be climbing a different tree... of life. "when i was a child, i spake as a child, i understood as a child, i thought as a child but when i became a man, i put away childish things. "- paul, 1stCor 13:11. peace.