Black Relationships : What's good about marriage for men?

In the United States, the institution of marriage appears more to make women the benefiiciary...

As marriage in this country is a European thang, African folk have opted to put together our own unions in our own ways, and that was related to our economic plight, as well as a rejection of things European...

This worked to a great extent in the time when our men and women stayed together in common-law unions, but has become a disaster area for African Americans in the last 40 some odd years, because one of the GREAT benefits of being married, and staying married, is 2 salaries are better than one... 2 salaries enabled our parents to buy their homes, and for some to start their own businesses... This is a too often overlooked aspect of how other groups succeed in these areas, and where we lag behind... Of course, this aint no Black Thang thread, so forgive me for going there(smile!)

Peace!
Isaiah
 
Isaiah said:
because one of the GREAT benefits of being married, and staying married, is 2 salaries are better than one... 2 salaries enabled our parents to buy their homes, and for some to start their own businesses... This is a too often overlooked aspect of how other groups succeed in these areas, and where we lag behind... Of course, this aint no Black Thang thread, so forgive me for going there(smile!)

Peace!
Isaiah

Hey Isaiah, thanks for the response. But couldn't there be two salaries without marriage. You could have a business without marriage. You can own a home without marriage. There are tax breaks for married people, but is that worth possibly losing what you have for a little more money at the end of the year? Marriage gives people a false sense of security and leaves a man wide open in case of a disaster. People need to learn to be commited and honest without having to bait the other into vulnerabilty. Yes, women benefit more because in marriage they have nothing to lose. In many relationships they are not bound by responsibility. Men are supposed to be secure as far as love and honor and commitment in a marriage, but that's not the case. Very few people are 100% faithful and commited, but the majority of the time the man is forced to be 100% responsible at the end financially.


Just to make it clear to, I know a lot of women do not agree with some of the laws that have to do with marriage, but you all benefit from them. I just think that more women should see why so many good men do not want to get married. Marriage is a selfish gesture. No one marries someone for the other person's sake. It's for yourself. A man's choice not to get married is also for himself. It's for the protection of his happiness, assets and sanity. That's the security that we don't get from marriage, so why give it up.
 
Kente,
So are you saying if I got married tomorrow I would be more secure than I am now? HOW SO? I am not marrying a bodyguard...although I'm sure I'll feel safer on the streets at night with a husband in tow. Should I worry that he'd take my home via divorce - that would be the furthest thing from my mind? For the most part, I have no intentions on marrying someone who thinks lightly of marriage and won't be rushing into that situation only to rush into divorce.

All women aren't needy, all of us aren't looking to "come up" in a marriage. I personally have a lot to offer a man and he will have to concentrate on ME & HIM rather on than on trying to get us a house or get some money. When you remove the materialistic issues, then we could concentrate on the relationship.

Maybe you should move out of the Materialistic California world...there are some deeper sistas out there in other areas. Maybe a different scene would change your viewpoint.
 
CarrieMonet said:
Kente,
So are you saying if I got married tomorrow I would be more secure than I am now? HOW SO? I am not marrying a bodyguard...although I'm sure I'll feel safer on the streets at night with a husband in tow. Should I worry that he'd take my home via divorce - that would be the furthest thing from my mind? For the most part, I have no intentions on marrying someone who thinks lightly of marriage and won't be rushing into that situation only to rush into divorce.

All women aren't needy, all of us aren't looking to "come up" in a marriage. I personally have a lot to offer a man and he will have to concentrate on ME & HIM rather on than on trying to get us a house or get some money. When you remove the materialistic issues, then we could concentrate on the relationship.

Maybe you should move out of the Materialistic California world...there are some deeper sistas out there in other areas. Maybe a different scene would change your viewpoint.

Yes Carrie, you would be more secure than you are now. How many women have you heard of having their stuff taken in divorce? Not many. You have the security of the government behind you. Especially if you have a child by that man. I think it would be hard for him to take your home in court. I never said that all women are lookin to come up, but you have that option if you get pissed in case of divorce. This is what gets me. Men don't have a leg to stand on. It's not just Cali either. It's all around the country. It doesn't matter where I moved, under no circumstances would I get married. The only way I'd change my mind is if the laws were totally redone and even across the table, which will never happen.

Added to my past post:

Just to make it clear to, I know a lot of women do not agree with some of the laws that have to do with marriage, but you all benefit from them. I just think that more women should see why so many good men do not want to get married. Marriage is a selfish gesture. No one marries someone for the other person's sake. It's for yourself. A man's choice not to get married is also for himself. It's for the protection of his happiness, assets and sanity. That's the security that we don't get from marriage, so why give it up.
 
Brother Kente, true dat, we can a great many things by ourselves, but it is always easier to do it with more resources...

By this, I am not implying that the marriage is a business arrangement... It is more a model of what a couple working together can do, and are doing in other communities... Ultimately, may each have their own... It's all good...(smile!)

Peace!
Isaiah
 

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