Black Relationships : What's better in a relationship: Chemistry or compatibility?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by HODEE, Jun 22, 2014.

  1. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Are relationships where one of the involved people are more committed, serious about the connection they found with the other person in a relationship, because this has not been considered?

    I don't carry around with me a list of things to consider before making decisions or getting involved. But this kind of thinking has to be a part of what you consider important to letting anyone into your life, occupy your time, be a part of your emotional and physical existence or actuality.

    I believe chemistry is important, but what is relationship chemistry? Is it just being excited when you first meet someone, enjoying how they look, how she stands, smile, or with women how he sounds, talks and wears that shirt or jacket.

    Attraction fades either fast within the first few moments or shortly into a relationship. Love at first site does exist, it is part of that chemistry. Speaking from my experience. I loved my wife at first site. I loved how she looked, in the pool fighting off some guys she knew. She came up after being held down under water and her hair was all tight and had curls and stuff. Her screams and swings...what a tiger.

    Compatibility comes after the first few moments of meeting. We still disagree a bit to this day of what happened when I introduced myself to her. Compatibility can also come later. I had one of my female cousins who knew her take me over her house. When I introduced myself to her she slammed the door in my face, I may have said something like can I get your phone number so we can talk. She may have said no, and not have been as rude as I am depicting it, but to get the door closed in my face left me nothing to do but believe that was interesting and rude. No compatibility there.

    Looking at chemistry and compatibility, have to go hand in hand. To have the chemistry is to be compatible, and to be compatible is having the chemistry. When the compatibility is gone. So is the chemistry.
     
  2. Kadijah

    Kadijah Banned MEMBER

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    Compatibility and chemistry are 2 separate things. You can be compatible with a person, yet have no romantic feelings whatsoever. After that's what bff's have.

    Conversely, you can feel chemistry for a person, yet be incompatible in many of your life goals and ideas. The 2 don't necessarily go hand in hand.

    For a marriage in today's world to succeed, you need both. Waaaaay back in the day, marriage was based on things other than love, so all you needed was to be compatible.
     
  3. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree.
    Both are needed. My reason for stating they have to be hand in hand is to have a relationship worth spending time and effort in there must be both chemistry and compatibility.
    I agree...
    ( Hand in Hand ) A term used so many ways and one way it is used is:
     
  4. Keita Kenyatta

    Keita Kenyatta going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    The above is so true. I have been with a sister in the past who had PERFECT chemistry with me and I with her. When I was in her presence, I was literally weak in the knees...heart racing and the whole nine. Once we engaged in knocking tha boots, it was some mind blowing ish !! Word up Bro!!!...but guess what? Out of bed, me and her didn't have a darn thing in common at all. I didn't even like her, nor she me...but the chemistry between us on the physical level was the ish!!!

    This is a danger zone for a lot of people who may not be aware of it....because your EXACT CHEMICAL OPPOSITE IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. When and if you should ever meet, I would feel for you and her...especially if the two of you are married to other people, cause all hell will break loose without any of the two of you meaning it to be that way. It's just that the law of magnetism would be so overwhelming that both of you would have to be extremely strong for something not to go down.
     
  5. Enki

    Enki The Evolved Amphibian STAFF

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    In my opinion, both are needed, plus a few other things that are just as important like give, and take. Knowing everything can't go your way, and understanding. Having the tools of personal communication in you belt will help greatly. And the hardest thing IMO is finding empathy when there is none.

    Peace!
     
  6. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Is chemistry rare?
    Can it come later, just like it can fade fast?


    http://www.docdreyfus.com/psychologically-speaking/is-chemistry-necessary/
    Is Chemistry Necessary?
    I know it fades after a while, but there must be some ember's deep down within the heart that keep a couple wanting each other, having caring and loving emotions for each other.

    There have been ladies in my life we had nothing but chemistry, we did things together. But I was moving thru.

    One girlfriend our last conversation was she wanted to be with me. I was young thinking and wanted to keep playing around. The passion she possessed was awesome. When the phone rang, or we passed in the hall at school. We ditch class for a day of :spank:

    Then there was one of my girlfriends that I felt weak in the knees when she was near, but she didn't feel the same. If she did I messed that up, again being young. I was caught early on in the relationship playing the field. That girlfriend with the awesome passion was the derail. She worked with me. We didn't hide the passion even at work.

    I didn't know one of the ladies I worked with was my new girls sister.

    With my wife when we started dating. The chemistry was there, we did a lot together and the compatibility was there. She was the first I spent so much time with, and took her everywhere with me. The beginning wasn't easy, one of my past girlfriends was a bit upset with me, and knew one of her friends. She told who and where a young lady was I was attempting to spend some time with.

    My wife ( girlfriend then ) asked " could you be with only me ". The ball was now in my court... it was continue to play or have a :1on1: one on one.

    Possibly being busted so much and loosing some women I cared about was my turn-around. Naw.. it was her challenge! lol
     
  7. GatekeeperCrow

    GatekeeperCrow Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I believe it is important to be friends first. Chemistry leads to friendship, and through friendship you gain compatibility, as well as communication. You also need honesty, loyalty and faithfulness to bring a relationship out of the friendzone and into a romantic coupling. Take my wife and me for example. We were friends for years before we developed deeper feelings for each other and started dating, after that, it became inevitable that we get engaged and married, which we have, and we couldn't be happier. Yeah, we butt heads, but that is normal in a relationship between two Aries, because we are both headstrong, and don't back down. However, our anger is like a flash in the pan, it doesn't last that long, and we wind up apologizing to one another.
     
  8. Deacs

    Deacs Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I prefer emotional and financial stability. The other stuff I can work around
     
  9. GatekeeperCrow

    GatekeeperCrow Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't need my partner to give me financial stability, I do that on my own. Also, along with everything else I mentioned, I do have emotional stability. A disagreement here or there does not make us any less emotionally stable. If you and your partner agreed on everything, that would make for a very dull relationship. Boring, in fact. I would rather have a partner who is their own individual, not some ventriloquist's dummy that says whatever I choose. Also, if you don't communicate with your partner, the relationship is doomed to failure. Without loyalty or faithfulness, you can guarantee that your partner will be cheating on you in short order.
     
  10. Deacs

    Deacs Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Not give you... for them to have. You complete yourself crow
     
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