Black Men : what would you do?

Discussion in 'Black Men - Fathers - Brothers - Sons' started by skuderjaymes, May 12, 2011.

  1. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    okay.. you find her on facebook.. you used to go out like 20 years ago.. when
    you were 18 and she was 17.. You had sex only once and it was the night
    before you were leaving her country forever. her profile pic is of her now and a
    young man about 20 yrs old that looks suspiciously like you when you were his
    age. You are a responsible dude so now you have a sinking feeling in your
    stomach at the idea that you may have been a deadbeat dad for 20 years..
    that you missed his whole childhood.. that he probably hates you..
    you don't have a time machine.. what would you do? I mean really.. from the
    life you live right now.. how would you handle it?​
     
  2. Corvo

    Corvo navigator of live MEMBER

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    Right now you have two choices, Say high and see where it goes, or you let it be. Never knowing if that is your son. Not an easy position to be in. But you can only be yelled at, or ignored!
     
  3. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    yeah.. its making me sweat just thinking about it.. the onus is on you.. it's not
    a phone call.. or email.. or anything.. you see them but they don't see you..
    so the entire conflict is inside of you.. between you and you about whether or
    not to engage in the potential outer-conflict with what could be your own
    flesh and blood.. its a real test of character and perspective.​
     
  4. Corvo

    Corvo navigator of live MEMBER

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    From the little that I know about you, You do have character. It's a hard call.

    I would make contact, just to see how it goes. But that's just how I am. I do like to deal with the un-expected. It makes for a more interesting life. It might sting for a while. but maybe not.
     
  5. anAfrican

    anAfrican Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    you wouldn't be "sweating" it if you didn't know that you can only do the right thing because you are you.

    it's like; "if it's actually my kid, i need to know that and do what i can to make me feel better about not having spent all that time watching/experiencing "little-me" grow up: dayum, i missed it!".

    and then it's like "but which way is she gonna jump? is she gonna allow me into his life? (besides, what kind of disruption might that cause in his life?) heck; would she even remember me??? or worse, would she remember me and have created a "missing monster daddy" out of whatever we had going on at the time?"

    myself; i'd have to know. and then do the best right i can by that young man (as he would have it) and by my own personal Honor ... and pray it doesn't turn into having to slay a "monster daddy" that don't exist except in their minds, hearts, brains and psyches.
     
  6. abstract219

    abstract219 ...standing on the shoulders of giants MEMBER

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    Skuder...I would try to engage with her...on a friendly "hello, long time" type thing. Keep it simple at first.

    I feel you. That suspicion is a heavy burden to carry. But outside of DNA testing, you really don't know if you are a "absentee father/deadbeat dad." Easy for me to say, but I wouldnt stress too early in the game.

    From what I read of you, your intelligence and integrity...I know you have it within you to do what is appropriate.
     
  7. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    for the record.. this is completely hypothetical... it's a writing thing.
     
  8. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    1. You arent a dead beat dad.

    2. You didnt even know he existed

    3. She never made an attempt to contact you about it

    4. Your only question should be/is, WHY?!!?

    5. I would contact her.

    6. If she wanted to be friends, she would allow you access.

    7. Failing that, go back to the old neighborhood and look up relatives/friends that know where she can be found

    8. Try to arrange a lunch/meeting

    9. Ask her out right. I dont know how to beat around the bush about that.

    lol










    :em0200:
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Man this can be heavy but if it was me i would hit her up on facebook
    she what she say and play it by ear from there, if it turn out to be our
    son i wont feel bad like a deadbeat but happy to discover .

    brother you left and never return and she never made attempt to contact you
    i agree with the other brothers as well , you are a man who holds his own and
    will stand up for what's right. trust your heart and let it guide you through this
    maze brother.
     
  10. Therious

    Therious Banned MEMBER

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    speaking for myself, bottom line if it's my seed,I want to meet him or at least speak with him if we can't meet right away. I think if he is a man he'll understand,I think a young man would react differently than a young woman,at least theoretically. all in all if you didn't know,and the mother did not tell you,you are not a dead beat,again I think a young man would understand,but first I would want to know if it is really mine.