Black Relationships : what would you do

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Peachez~n~Rhyme, Apr 30, 2004.

  1. Peachez~n~Rhyme

    Peachez~n~Rhyme Member MEMBER

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    If your had a best friend, and this person has been your friend for years but she has a boyfriend who she just had a baby by and he kisses you would you tell her because you think she should know or would you not tell her because you don't think it's a big deal?

    {By the way this is a true story}
     
  2. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    In my opinion, you should tell you friend, because you guys are friends. She already has a baby by this guy, and if he kisses you, that's very disrespectful. You never know if they are planning to get married or move in together or what. In my opinion, you can't let her go out like that. Another question you need to address that she probably will want to know is did you kiss him back or did you totally pull away and resist. You might get yourself in hot water also. She should know either way. You wouldn't want someone to keep you in the dark about something like that. Just my opinion though.
     
  3. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Let HER KNOW GURL!!!!.
     
  4. AfroBoricuaRoni

    AfroBoricuaRoni Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Girl you MUST let your friend know. Even if it's not a big deal to you doesn't mean that it won't matter as much to her. Even if she doesn't mind at least you know you've done your part. Just imagine how she would react if you'd just gone on and kept this from her. Put yourself in her place.
     
  5. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I think it's too easy to suggest that Peachez should tell her girlfriend, even under the circumstances. This is an extremely sensitive situation that could destroy a friendship quickly if not handled delicately and given much forethought.

    Peachez, according to your profile you're 14. May I ask how old your girlfriend is as well as the guy that she just had the baby by? Logically speaking it makes good sense to let your girlfriend know immediately but I caution you to think about this carefully first before you say anything to her. When it comes to affairs of the heart, logic doesn't always prevail, particularly in situations like this and telling her could backfire on you. Many times I've seen where girlfriends, in good faith, try to expose their unfaithful boyfriends or husbands to them and the friend turns on her in defense of him.

    Your girlfriend just had a baby and her hormones are still trying to balance themselves out postpartum. Most women who have recently given birth are easy to upset and can tend to sometimes overreact emotionally due to their hormonal imbalance. If this girlfriend is "in love" with this guy, she may be extremely sensitive right now and not believe what you want to tell her. I've seen it happen. Regardless, this scoundrel is still the father of her newborn child and she may not be able to handle the information right now.

    Think about it. Out of earshot of your girlfriend, threaten the boyfriend that you will tell her if he ever tries anything like that with you again or anyone else, and to stay away from you. Make sure you're never in a position where you are ever alone with him again. Give your girlfriend time to recover from childbirth and get herself back to normal. When you think the time is right, then you might want to approach her. Realize that this information might hurt her very much and she's got a child to think about now too. Consider seeking additional advice from someone older whom you can trust and ask them what they think you should do. If you have an older brother or father, let them know what happened and I'm sure they can deliver the message to him well enough to convince him to never try that again.

    Naturally I'm also assuming that you rejected his attention and let him know that you are not interested in him that way under any circumstances. If you value your friendship with this young woman, that would be the best and most admirable thing for you to do. Men like this aren't worth losing good friends over.

    Good luck and please let us know how things turn out!

    Peace,
    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  6. AfroBoricuaRoni

    AfroBoricuaRoni Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    tight situation

    I know my advice might come off as generic but it's the one that has to be taken. Honesty is important in a friendship no matter the circumstance. If your friendship is strong enough to see beyond what happened then that's wonderful but you need to tell her.

    And does the boyfriend plan to say anything?
     
  7. SensualReality

    SensualReality Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Aw this is a strange situation though it happens often.First off it won't be easy to tell the friend what's going on.So take it up with the boyfriend and stop the kisses immidiately.Tell him that it is wrong and that you both ought to look at this situation.Is he really into her or just with her to be with her while he's kissing you?The little relationship with the boy should be thrown out the window.Liek they say boys come and go friends are for life.He is apparently not right for her and it's wrong for the two to be kissing.....there is not just one person in the blame here.So the two should take it to the bestfriend and tell her how it is.It will be hard,but everything in life isn't just GRAND
    :toast:
     
  8. Kannte

    Kannte Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    NNQueen, pretty much covered all the bases here in a fine manner. I would just like to emphasize what NNQueen, said very well,

    "Your girlfriend just had a baby and her hormones are still trying to balance themselves out postpartum. Most women who have recently given birth are easy to upset and can tend to sometimes overreact emotionally due to their hormonal imbalance. If this girlfriend is "in love" with this guy, she may be extremely sensitive right now and not believe what you want to tell her. I've seen it happen. Regardless, this scoundrel is still the father of her newborn child and she may not be able to handle the information right now."

    Well said, NNQueen.

    I agree here with NNQueen, very strongly. You should postpone telling this new mother for at least a year from now, if at all. Hopefully a year from now this fella may straighten up and fly right. But to tell this new mother now would be devastating. Truth can sometimes be very painful and devastating, and can almost destroy this women's sanity. Sometimes we must handle truth like a very wise doctor and apply the medicine of truth in the right amount and at the right time. Other wise we could do more damage by applying the medicine of truth at the wrong time and in the wrong amount. This is too much truth for this new mother to handle at this time.

    If your intentions are pure and you really are concerned for the psyche, mental health and emotional well being of your friend then you will postpone telling her this truth, if at all, for a year or so, so she can heal her heart, mind and soul from the dramatic event of producing new life from her being. The psyche, mental health and emotional well being of your friend is more important at this time then what the father does on the side. Your friend can deal with that later if at all.

    Regarding the purity of your intention, why would the father feel that he could boldly kiss you? What signals were you sending him that made him feel comfortable enough to kiss you in a romantic or sexual way? Where you "shocked" by the kiss? How long was the kiss or kisses? Did you return the kiss? How many times did he kiss you?

    If your intentions are not pure and you want this fella for yourself, your motivation maybe to devastate your friend, break up the relationship and take her man.

    But if your intentions are pure and you really care for your friend, then give this father a year if possible and see what happens. And make it clear and plain to him that he is not to try to kiss you or come on to you in any way.

    Consider the time.
     
  9. Peachez~n~Rhyme

    Peachez~n~Rhyme Member MEMBER

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    No, he's to scared to say anything!
     
  10. Peachez~n~Rhyme

    Peachez~n~Rhyme Member MEMBER

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    My friend gained some weight after childbirth so I guess he alittle unhappy about that, and Im always with my friend and he knows if he kissed me I would be to scared to say anything so he just did it, but believe or not I did not kiss him back!