What would you do if you found out the kid you raised wasn't yours?

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by Enigma_01, Aug 28, 2003.

  1. Enigma_01

    Enigma_01 Active Member MEMBER

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    This is for the fellas. Honestly, If you found out the woman you have been with for years got pregnant on purpose by another guy just to hold on to you because she knows you wouldn't abandon her in that state. What would you do?

    Here's another scenario:

    What if the girl you had an occassional fling with or one nightstand with came up pregnant and she didn't know who the father was, so she said you were because you seem more relaible how would you handle this if the truth came out years later it wasn't your kid at all?
     
  2. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    on both counts i would be salty as all hell :flame:
    and leave the woman...
    but i would not take it out on da kid
    and i would still be in his/her life
    but truthfully...
    da skeezerrrrr would get da boot...
    peace
    khasm
     
  3. Hesaid

    Hesaid Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'd try hard not to do an OJ!

    Truthfully i dont care if he aint from my loins

    solong as we have experienced long periods
    together, thas ma boy!

    "her"

    She i probably wouldnt talk to again
    only because i wouldnt wanna know
    anyone capable of that.
    Yeah, she gotta GO!




    Dz That help Ma?





    *
     
  4. Alkebulantaazar

    Alkebulantaazar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is where the big head has to take over.

    I. dpending on where are you will need a good Atty and one who specializes in family court matters.

    2. You must be able to spend upwards of 200.00 for a paternity test (this depends on what state your in)

    3. If you suspect that the child may not be yours, there is nothing on the law books which says that you have to tell your mate that you want a test. However, the next offering from me will not only cause you to look at the man in the mirror, but may also cause you to revisit the relationship from the beginning and the part you played.

    Whenever, something like this happens it is always a touchy situation and a lot of self exam is needed,men must ask themselves some real hard and honest questions.

    The woman should be the kind of woman who can meet her man eye to eye and produce facts that this is thier child together.
    If this is not the case, the father will need to ask himself a few questions.

    1. How could this happen
    2. Is manhood in question
    3. Should he have had an intimate relationship with this woman
    4. Was he ready for a relationship
    5. had children been discussed
    6.How long had you known her
    7. Was this a shotgun wedding
    8. Did the woman demand to be married or else?
    9. How long after you began the relationship did the woman tell you about the pregnancy
    10.Do u love the child?

    This is not an indictment of all brothers so please do not take it personal.
    Some of you men are dumb? It appears that the head with the brain is not functioning in many cases and so as MIKE RAMEY has so adequately eluded to but i will say oneof your heads is not wrapped too tight and what you got is exactly what you should get..Tricked.

    As a woman, and as a former single woman i can tell you all the tricks some women play, but for now the only thing you need to know is whether or not the child is yours.
    Sadly however, depending on where you live..evenif you are not the biological parent you will still have to pay child support because in most states the state feels that some father with a job and the ability to pay is betterthan none and the state would rather you pay than them.

    Ga, Wash State, Maryland and mass are a few states what will proscecute the woman for fraud if it can be proven that the man was told the child was his and he cared for the child as oppossed to the biological father.
    Also in some states they will proscecute the woman if they can establish that she lied.

    Now my belief is this..if she lied and they can get past it and continue to live in harmony thats good for the child, however, we know that that is near impossible.
    Moreover, if not then i say leave her, seek custody of the child and press charges agains her.. She is a liar and a criminal who put her needs ahead of the sancity of marriage so my thoughts are that she needs to move on.

    It is alweays best to have both parents and wherever possible i support forgiveness...BUT

    THIS IS ON YOU.

    LOVE
     
  5. Olorun1

    Olorun1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Greetings. Excellent post

    - If I raised the child, then the child is forever mine. Biology does not a father makes. Malcolm said, "anybody can make a child, but it takes a man to raise that child."

    - I'm raising two girls -- who I have nothing to do biologically, but have everything to do with her upbringing.

    - Is hard to say what the inmediate reaction would be when told that a child you thought carried your genes, was a cruel hoax. Fortunately / hopefully, sanity prevails in such a case.

    PEACE
     
  6. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It's sad that things like this happen at all.
     
  7. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'd shoot the mama then turn myself in.

    Mad Propz Brother O, it takes a great man to raise another mans responsbility.
     
  8. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It is easier to raise another man's child when one knows from the beginning the child is not his. It is another matter entirely to be deceived into believing a child is yours, only to be latter informed that said child is not (after a man has already bonded with the child). This is a completely immoral on the part of women who do this. Women know if they are having sex with more than one man at the time they get pregnant. In this situation there is no certainty of paternity. These women should inform all men involved of the situation. They need to lay in the bed that they made (literally)! It only hurts the children to fool a man who isn't their biological father into believing that he is. In my opinion a man who finds himself a victim of this type of deception is perfectly in his right to walk away (and I do not say this lightly). What really burns me up about this situation, is that it often happens to black men who are making efforts to support their children (their believed children)!
     
  9. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Amen to that Brother Pan.
     
  10. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This situation (paternity fraud) is not an "honest" mistake...it is deliberate deception. And I can think of no deception which is more cruel than this!
     
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