Black Relationships : What would you do, if you caught your husband?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Princess, Jan 11, 2006.

  1. Princess

    Princess Active Member MEMBER

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    Me and my husband married in Nov 2005, I recently caught him emailing/voice/instant chatting with a female he just met over the net. I created a program on our computer that logged everything he do. He emailed this female over 5 times from our home. And he stated, "For the New Years I want to fly you down here to be with me and my family and I want to be with you etc". He has no friends/no family members were we live and he just loss his job recently. I told him about it and he told me it was just Bulls*** talk, but in fact he called her too (stated in emailed).
    He stated how sorry he was and how he will never do it again. My trust is gone for him. What would you do? I told him i want his *** gone cuz if you start a marriage off wanting to cheat it will come to past.
     
  2. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, I'm not a sister but you need to leave him. He's obviously cheating, cheated or looking to cheat and you know that, that's why you installed the program to watch him in the first place. Leave, because there really are no other options aside from forgiving him so he can actually succeed in cheating on you later.
     
  3. Princess

    Princess Active Member MEMBER

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    I agree totally and i told him that i will not stand for this! Marriage is serious to me and when i took my vows i was dead serious.
     
  4. Princess

    Princess Active Member MEMBER

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    Without trust there no relationship! You know, and I don't trust him.
     
  5. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is a constant problem in marriages. A lot of times the marriage is a lot more serious to one than it is to the other. Whether it comes out a month into the marriage or ten years, it is still a problem. I would hate for you to open up your heart and forgive this man, then turn around a regret your kindness ten years down the road. If it were me I would kick him (her) out and never even consider taking him (her) back. If your marriage is a new one, then that shows that he's really not serious at all. Whatever you do, good luck and make sure to look out for yourself first, since he's clearly chosen to put himself ahead of you and the marriage.
     
  6. Princess

    Princess Active Member MEMBER

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    that's great advice! Thanx I always considered myself first.
     
  7. Princess

    Princess Active Member MEMBER

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    Well to tell the whole story I'm pregnant too (2months). And this will be my 1st and his. But i don't want the baby but he do! What else would you do? I'm considering having an abortion and throwing his *** out now. I will not mess up my life with a loser and his offspring. I rather be single again and baby free.
     
  8. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, as much as I don't like giving abortion advice, if I were a woman in this situation I would probably leave him and have an abortion. Even though I'm trying hard to change my opinion on abortion since this country encourages African Americans to abort whenever possible, in this case (if it were me) I would. Especially if you really don't want the baby. Never have a baby for someone else because you're also going to have to be there to shoulder the burden. And if it's a burden that you really don't want, then you'll probably respond to it incorrectly.
     
  9. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    you know what princess i wouldnt abort that baby. even though you caught on that situation can you find it in your heart to forgive. he's admitted calling and possibly meeting but has he done the act. i would ask him to seek counseling or ask why he felt the urge or need to go outside relationship. the life you carrying is precious we all make mistakes. but when you made love to him and conceived the intentions was for you and him to be a family. and the baby deserves that who knows she maybe the next ciara or micheal vick. you never know its your choice. but guess what you have to live with the fact that you murdered your owned flesh and blood. been there done that regrets is a mother. abortion isnt what you want. just think how your parents will feel if they know their grandbaby is about to be sucked out from you. abortion breaks your body down in case you didnt know. have some major problems down the road and you don't want that. the sex was consensual and not forced. i'm stressing it because being in hell isnt easy. god has a way of making you pay for your sins. you took your vows before him and now your asking him to accept you taking a life. one man sin should not give you cause to take a human life. i'm not speaking on hearsay i'm speaking on the real. hope you do the right thing i will be praying for ya. believe me im paying for what i done right now!!!!!!!!:hearts4:
     
  10. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, I would definately listen to someone that has been through an abortion. I'm just speaking from the perspective of myself. If someone that has had one tells you something, I think it's very wise to listen to that person and take everything they say very serious.

    As far as forgiving him, I would be cautious however of people that have cheated or are in the act of attempting to cheating. Just because he didn't go through the physical act doesn't mean the situation is any better than if he did. The thing that counts is what's in his heart, and whatever is in his heart drove him to seek out another woman/ women. I think forgiveness is severely overrated in some cases. Sometimes there is no room for forgiveness because you only have one life to live, so don't spend it with a cheater. Constantly worrying about what he's doing and who he's doing it with. That's not living and that's not a marriage.
     
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