Black Relationships : What should I do

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by a-mere-man, Mar 10, 2004.

  1. a-mere-man

    a-mere-man Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2003
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    0
    Occupation:
    student in college
    Location:
    Durham
    Ratings:
    +0
    I am still a virgin and the person that I am seeing now is not. I really love her a whole lot a she says that she really loves me. She has been sexually active with most of her boyfriends and some other people. I told her is the desire to have sex in her still in her because she had the spirit of lust on her strong. She said that she did not have the desire to have sex anymore. From what I hear it is hard to give up sex because it can become very addictive. Also when she is around me she will bodly look at other men in my presence Im talking about LOOK and they would LOOK too and when i confront her with it she will lie about. I literally have to sit down and drag the truth out of her and then she will finally admit it. She did this with an associate of mine and a whole lot of other boys. I am not trying to walk around looking like a fool because my girlfriend has itchy eyes for other males. Also in the past she has told me that her and a boyfriend got into a serious argument so she decides to go a have sex with another boy. Her and her boyfriend eventually get back together and to this day he does not know. They broke up but she still has not told him. There have been days when I would catch her really staring at a boy the same one repeatedly in the same environment, I would bring it up later and she would denie it. sometimes she would even denie her ever seeing a boy at all. What should I do somebody help me. Thank you. God bless.
     
  2. Hiclass_female

    Hiclass_female Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2003
    Messages:
    151
    Likes Received:
    0
    Occupation:
    computer operator
    Location:
    Alabama
    Ratings:
    +0
    I can't tell you what to do, but in my opinion you are doing everything right as in confronting her about your concerns. if you feel she is still lying/denying the instances where she is looking at other guys, then it may be time for you to move on. She has, however, told you the truth about her past and maybe telling the truth now about her not being interested in other guys. There isnt anything wrong with looking, as long as its no disrespect to you. But in your case its seem to be a high level of disrespect. Like I said I cant tell you what to do, but if I was in your shoes...I would continue the relationship til I have proof that she is being unfaithful. Looking is not cheating but it can lead to that. So just keep your eyes open. Continue to keep the communication going. Good luck!
     
  3. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2003
    Messages:
    1,244
    Likes Received:
    14
    Occupation:
    Love my job!
    Location:
    Seattle
    Ratings:
    +15
    I hope you don't give this young lady your virginity...sounds like she has some self esteem issues she needs to resolve.
     
  4. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    10,227
    Likes Received:
    191
    Location:
    The Diaspora
    Ratings:
    +194
    A-meer-man, Welcome young brother!

    I usually steer clear of relationship advice, but it sounds like you and this young lady have different values. Differences in values can become a major crisis in a relationship, especially as the relationship progresses past the "new" (or honeymoon) stage. Your girlfriend told you from the beginning that she isn't a virgin, and that is good. However, she has also let you know that not only has she had several sex partners, but she has problems with being faithful. Assuming that this young lady is the same age as you, that is a troubling history at such a young age. It also isn't good that she appears to have a wandering/lustful eye for other men. In truth young brotha, she is giving you a preview of what your relationship is going to be like. I think you should have a major talk with your girlfriend to see where the relationship is going. You should also think hard about what type of relationship you are getting yourself involved in, and what attracted you to your girlfriend in the 1st place. After you do a self-evaluation, you might find the best solution is to be friends with this young lady. However, if you decide to continue the relationship, I would advise you to remain observant.
     
  5. SayWord

    SayWord Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2003
    Messages:
    303
    Likes Received:
    3
    Ratings:
    +3
    Tell her to hit the bricks. I's not worth it. If you're a good man to her, then she should be a good woman to you. You're only 18(not that I'm that much older), you shouldn't have to deal with all this. If you think this a real serious problem and you are worried about her cheating or whatever, just move on. Why put yourself through all that. There are a whole lot of women in the world. Take your time and you'll eventually find the woman that is right for you.
     
  6. BlackLadee

    BlackLadee New Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2004
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    A-mere-man... :look:

    To be 18, a male, and still a virgin is a blessing. I pray that you continue to stay pure. The Lord created sex for marriage and I regret making the choice to have it at an early age, but unlike you, I didn't have anyone to encourage me to stay on the right track. You have the opportunity to pray and ask the Lord to send you the right person. Besides, at your age you should be busy with your studies assuming you're pursuing your education. Let God do it. If you wait, He will bless you tremendously. Pray for her and move on. Baby girl got issues that you shouldn't allow yourself to be mixed in it. Live your life to the fullest. Good Luck and God bless...

    Peace
     
  7. Kannte

    Kannte Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2004
    Messages:
    206
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    NYC
    Ratings:
    +2
    a-mere-man,

    You said, "I really love her a whole lot a she says that she really loves me." Based upon this you may be setting yourself up to be hurt. You are just 18 and the test of true Love is TIME. Yea, brother TIME, 10 years together, 20, 30, 50, a life time; that is true love.

    Is this the first time you have been in love? Some people are lucky to find love and be in love many times in life; not just once.

    This young lady sound like what is called "fast." She also sound like she is fascinated with the sex act and in lust with her opposite sex; some young women are; that's life.

    You, say you are in love, true love? Are you willing to MARRY this women, right NOW? If so, pop the question. I say go with your heart; you only live once and its best to go through life with your one true love, your SOUL mate, then without.

    You said, "I really love her a whole lot a she says that she really loves me" - well then if she really, truly loved you she would MARRY YOU NOW, or hold her self for you only.

    If you are holding yourself for marriage and you are in true love than pop the question; and if you are not willing to ask the girl to marry you than what do you think will hold you together? She is a lusty young women who seems to have tasted sex and likes it.

    If this girl is if "fast" and infatuated with men than most likely if you can't satisfy her lust she will find somebody else who will.

    You would do yourself a service by giving this girl her WALKING PAPERS, before you get your feeling hurt and your heart broken since you say you truly love her, or just ask to marry her, and get on with your life.

    Since you are only 18 than its possible you may have many other loves in your life and one day find a women you can marry and give yourself to.

    I suggest 2 books, "THE ART OF LOVING" by Erich Fromm and "We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love" by Robert A. Johnson. Get these books as fast as you can. If you don't have a credit card ask your parents to order them for you on line. They are not expensive.

    "When we are "in love" we believe we have found the ultimate meaning of life, revealed in another human being. We feel we are finally completed, that we have found the missing parts of ourselves. Life suddenly seems to have a wholeness, a superhuman intensity, that lifts us high above the ordinary plain of existence.

    Romance is a cimpletely different energy system, a commpletely distinct set of values, from love and commitment." -- from, "We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love" by Robert A. Johnson.
     
Loading...