Black Relationships : What qualities do you have to offer?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by MsInterpret, Oct 15, 2012.

  1. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2007
    Messages:
    8,999
    Likes Received:
    5,439
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Washington
    Ratings:
    +5,447
    What qualities of yourself can you bring to a relationship?

    If you are in a relationship or are married, do you know what it is that attracts your significant other to you?
     
  2. Asomfwaa

    Asomfwaa Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2011
    Messages:
    3,399
    Likes Received:
    2,558
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +2,564
    I do not even know anymore. :-(

    I am beginning to think that people do not offer qualities, as much as people invoke qualities. The right woman could invoke in me an adoration, a passionate romp-around, a caring Father and an aid through life--but so far the women I get only invoke from me a "Jerk."

    :)
     
  3. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2007
    Messages:
    8,999
    Likes Received:
    5,439
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Washington
    Ratings:
    +5,447
    You have to have some qualities...Most of the time they are little things. I'm sure you are intelligent, you might even have a great sense of humor.

    I think that it's important for us to know what qualities we have to offer, because then it gives us the confidence to find our better counterpart...plus, confidence is attractive to the opposite sex.
     
  4. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2007
    Messages:
    8,999
    Likes Received:
    5,439
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Washington
    Ratings:
    +5,447
    My qualities would be that I'm nurturing, I'm clean, I can cook, I can make others laugh, I'm selfless, honest (sometimes to a fault), I'm family oriented
     
  5. Asomfwaa

    Asomfwaa Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2011
    Messages:
    3,399
    Likes Received:
    2,558
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +2,564
    I see.

    I was commenting on experiences with women who were not right for me. For instance, I decided to be a wing for a friend of mine. He spoke with his target woman, and I spoke with her friend. Her friend was certainly physically alluring, but she had studied in Asia for some years, she lived in another state, she had good employment, but had a gangster for a brother, was a tremendous sports fan and of course had an age-complex; to me a decent woman for a different man. All said by the end of the night I did not pursue a relation, meanwhile with more 'conscious' women I am tripping over myself to be in contact.

    I suppose, if I were to name qualities, my main, unique one, is wisdom attuned with our ancient well-being. However, I find that to be rare for it's social displacement. In this sense, most everything seems a bit isolating.

    Though, if I borrowed from your example, I would say,

    "I'm nurturing, I'm [earthy], I can [not] cook, I can make others laugh, I'm selfless, honest (sometimes to a fault), I'm [very race] oriented [and I am a poet.]"
     
  6. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2007
    Messages:
    8,999
    Likes Received:
    5,439
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Washington
    Ratings:
    +5,447
    i think it's easier for us to pick out the negative qualities in ourselves and other than to pick out the good.

    I agree, for someone like yourself, a pro-black man, I can see how it can be a challenge and you feel isolated in a society that is more euporpeanized...Your pickings are few.

    I can't say who is best for you...only you know that...but don't let little things like who her family is, or where she studied, how her hair looks, and what she may eat (all examples), deter you from seeking a woman out...You might be the man to make her understand where you are coming from, and possibly change her mind-frame...You never know...I try to give people the benefit of the doubt...
     
  7. Asomfwaa

    Asomfwaa Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2011
    Messages:
    3,399
    Likes Received:
    2,558
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +2,564
    Well, what she said about her family was that her Brother would shoot anyone who tackled her in a game of football (a game that she strangely plays with men.) Which to me is insane to mention within the first hours of knowing someone. Let alone a really awkward situation.

    As to looks and eats, I find it impossible not to consider. I know, for instance, that hair does not mean anything pertaining to a woman's 'consciousness,' and usually the 'naturals' are not 'race-oriented;' yet I'm a frequent protester. So in the event of going to a Korean shop for new hair, I'd comment on how Black women empower Asian communities at their own expense, then recite Malcolm's words on the subject and Garvey's. This is already unattractive, I know.

    But in a sense, it's where I am reduced. I rarely see anyone already at the rightminded conception to empower his or her people. A 'down' Sister orders Chinese Food; a Natural Sister chats up White men; a Pro-Black Sister is only interested in Religious Brothers, and onward. You say "change" but you know how difficult it is to "change" another person. And what's worse, there's flaws that I have. Shikamaru mentioned how money is necessarily emotional--I would add the lack of money. Well, you can say that I'm emotional.

    I mean--I have money. But I'm stingy. And what's more, the future is so uncertain for me.

    In some ways, it's hard to feel qualified for a woman. What with her spendthrift and material interests compared against my stinginess and constant racial activism.

    But now I'm just writing out tear drops. :)
     
  8. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2007
    Messages:
    8,999
    Likes Received:
    5,439
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Washington
    Ratings:
    +5,447
    Yes it is incredible difficult to change a person...but if a woman loves you they will go to great lengths to make that person happy...And I'm not saying changing who they are as a person, but changing a few habits here and there...

    That's what happens when you get into a relationship, people adjust...

    I've known women who were in the clubs on a daily basis til they met their husbands...some men too...not everyone does it, but if you truly love that person you let go of old ways.

    My dad used to date white women, till he met my mother (now they are married going on 36 or 37 years)...So did my uncle, he was married to a white woman and now he is in love a married to a black woman and can't stand white people at all...

    You never know....
     
  9. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2006
    Messages:
    387
    Likes Received:
    341
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Myrtle Beach, SC
    Ratings:
    +356
    What can I bring to a relationship? Plenty. But for the sake of board space, I'll list a few. Don't want to give the whole mystery away.

    A drive to improve myself constantly (yes I am imperfect, but I'm working on that)
    A strong wholistic spiritual mindset (A strong faith, not merely religious way of thinking)
    A strong sense of purpose and direction
    A strong sense of personal responsibility and self-love
    Ever-maturing mindset concerning money and finances
    A wholistic view of relationships, friendships, and family
    Constantly growing sense of integrity, diligence, justice, compassion, and courage
    An unyielding drive for the collective best interest
    A growing sense of discernment (keeps the BS away)
    I know and live "Commitment" (and that word does not hide any ulterior motive)
    I seek the heart of a person (though good looks are a great plus)

    A few of the trivial:

    I can cook simple things very well
    I am down to earth, despite my large vocabulary
    I believe in intimacy and passion through communication

    ......ok. That's enough.
     
  10. Asomfwaa

    Asomfwaa Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2011
    Messages:
    3,399
    Likes Received:
    2,558
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +2,564
    I know what you mean. I was with Sisters, slowly influencing them to "Pro-Blackness," if you will. Yet it's a totally different experience from speaking to a Sister 'who gets it.'

    You know?

    There's a Sister I know whom I can speak with for hours. But she's much older than I am.

    Then there are Sisters who let me speak. And mostly ask questions or engage in small talk or, at best, speak from the lowest chakras.

    It's just incomparable.

    I had formerly had those experiences where the woman and I clicked. The smiles were genuine and we were excited to be in one another's company and influence.

    But lately it's been these women who "Don't want to talk" or "Want to talk but have nothing to say." These women invariably end up sleeping with other men or being more quarrelsome than I can stand.

    KRS-One said it better:

    "Keep my hair like this, got no time for jheri curls.
    Attracting only women got no time for little girls.
    'Cause girls look so good but their brain is not ready, I don't know.
    I'd rather talk to a woman 'cause her mind is so steady, so here we go."

    Really, my problem is too many girls masquerading as women; and too many White women in Black skin. :)
     
Loading...