Black Relationships : What not to do before marriage?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Princess, Nov 8, 2004.

  1. Princess

    Princess Active Member MEMBER

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    I have some real inquiries about what not to do before marriage. Do you give your all to your boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, how much do you give? 25%-50%-75%-100%. Feedback needed!
     
  2. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't believe that "holding back" is the key to a successful relationship. If the person in question is someone you want to marry, I would treat them like I want them to be my wife/husband. Furthermore I would continue to treat them well after the wedding (technically you court someone before the wedding). This is traditionally a time you treat someone well, because you are trying to convince them to marry you. Obviously one can't be too convincing if they are holding back.
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    in fullness i agree 100% with brutha PanAfrica
    I wouldn't hold back a drop if knowing in our future a marriage is.
     
  4. jazzymoonchild

    jazzymoonchild Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    From a sista, I agree with Brothers Pan and Rich. You don't want to go in living a lie. If a person is in love with you enough to marry you, they want the complete "YOU". Good and bad, mood swings or not. You can't spring on this other part of your personality after you take your vows. Be open and fair and you will be blessed in the end.
     
  5. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I don't understand the question and need further explanation.

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  6. Princess

    Princess Active Member MEMBER

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    Well, i will never give a man all of me before or after marriage, that is for me and my creator. What will I have to my self as a individual. My individuality is very so sacred to me. We as women already lose to much of ourselves in a marriage/relationship (by being submissive, losing our last name(idenity) and so forth).

    In today's society we have what you call runners/bust downs that will give a brother total excess to they're body. Why?
    Example: too sexual (oral sex, butt sex, ear sex, toe sex, whatever kinky things he likes they're willing). I believe in holding on to as much of self as possible, so when its time for me/him to depart (Godforbid) he/I can ride out into the sunset without being totally Disenfranchised.

    It's a old saying that you "you give what is needed but never too much".

    Quote: Woman is born God but man is Created as God.

    What do you think?
     
  7. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    I feel you Queenie.

    While Pan and them made some very good points their take on the question took it off in a direction very different from my initial understanding of it.

    My understanding of the question is that Princess is speaking not so much of hiding who you are before marriage but rather about maintaining some space between self and other.

    As a recently married woman I can attest to the difficulty of living on my own for twentyears and then living with a man who thinkis he can demand instant oneness. I've read so many letters to Dear Abbey, Ann Landers, the Ebony Advospr, Gwendolyn Goldsby Grant etx from bitter sistahs who complain that they gave their ex boyfriends their all (financially, emotionally, sexually) only to be dogged and treated like so much dirt while the women who maintain a touch of the dominotrix seem to get all the respect.

    Contrary to popular myth men have no more power than we give them. So as not to emasculate them it is good to give them some power but never give anyone ALL the power in your life. That belongs to God and when you give it to a human being you are setting yourself up for trouble.
     
  8. Princess

    Princess Active Member MEMBER

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    River, That's what im talking about! I like that and i totally agree with you on this topic. Never give your all cuz you will get hurt bad in the end.
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    i disagree because sometime not giving your all can hurt from the start
    it can be a divided highway and it really about the two and what they
    feel is best for them .
     
  10. Princess

    Princess Active Member MEMBER

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    I say its a sign of weakness!
     
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