Black Relationships : What makes my marriage work..

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Radical Faith, Mar 23, 2010.

  1. Radical Faith

    Radical Faith Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Greetings Brothers and Sisters


    As I scan the forums I see many threads that discuss our issues and deficiencies. It is always good to expose the negative to dispose of it. We must be care not to dwell on the negative too long. We must also exalt the positive as well. This is the positive of this thread. Because I don't claim to be an expert I can only describe what I have noticed for myself based upon my experiences. With that said I would like to share with you why my marriage is successful.



    What I have come to realize is at the foundation of my marriage besides my being my lover and my queen most of all is she is my friend. I know this sounds cliché' but she truly is my best friend. She is my friend because I like the person she is. I like her character. I think this is crucial in finding the right person. Often we find people that we are attracted to because of sex appeal or whatever reason. We eventually fall in love with these people but when it comes down to it we don't really like these people. It is possible to love someone and not like them. Therefore I think we should not only love our spouses and mates but like them as well.



    Have you ever had a friend that when you saw them it made you happy to see them? You know a friend that you could completely be yourself with, you could laugh with, cry with, rejoice with, etc. Someone that will go to war with you and have your back. This is a friend that enriches your life. This is a person that you could never imagine being without. Is there any reason why this person can't be your spouse too? Now me and my wife didn't grow up together. In fact I took the time to court to see what kind of person she was when we first met. I liked what I saw. And obviously she like what she saw in me. Now I'm not trying to paint a picture as though we are the Huxtables. We are not. We have our differences. Still in all the good far outweighs the bad.



    We give each other our own individual space to do the things we are interested in that the other is not. Though by nature there are certain things we do that are innately part of who we are by gender, still I don't try to confine us to expected gender roles. For example my wife is handy with hand tools and power tools and I can burn in the kitchen and I'm very good with babies and small children. In other words we function as a whole doing what needs to be done. If a piece of furniture has to be put together my wife won't wait for me. She'll do it herself. When I watch my baby nephew and he needs his damper changed or to be bathed or to be fed and she's not around I have no problem do those things. My point is we get in trouble when we place certain roles on people and expect them to fill those roles.


    These are just a few things I felt necessary to share with you as to why my marriage is successful. Please share and let's build upon this positive conversation.
     
  2. Emerald_Queen

    Emerald_Queen Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I like that, good post! I am not in a marriage and never have been. Hopefully one day I can say that I am. I'm going slow and on purpose to make sure it's the right move for me to make! Either way, thank you for sharing your positive experience and relationship! Currently I'm just taking one day at a time with my boyfriend and learning him as I'm sure he is learning me! It's a wonderful thing, and I hope that I can say the same thing about my marriage (whenever that may be). :)
     
  3. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Marriages scare me
     
  4. Radical Faith

    Radical Faith Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Why?
     
  5. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have found that since my marriage wasn't 'successful' by typical standards.......
    that I have come to resent those who have what appears to be a 'successful' marriage, thus I resent this thread.

    Don't take it personal. It's me.

    Now I got a lotta good things to say about the X and what I learned from being married and in a relationship with him... I don't resent or regret being married at all. It was a worthwhile experience that everyone should try if they get the chance - no matter how it turns out. It's nothing to be scared of.

    But this thread ain't about what you learned in a marriage that is termed 'failing' so I'll leave that be.

    I need to find the one that speaks of saying good things about your X.
    I'll come around to that thread... sooner or later.... if I'm still here.

    Greetings.
     
  6. Radical Faith

    Radical Faith Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you sister and again I think you'll have great success if you find you like who your man is as well as love him...
     
  7. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    NOW of days? Because it's hard to find someone to trust. My parents have been married 30 some odd years and its rare to find someone married even 3 years....

    People my age (25-35) that I know are either divorced or on their 2nd marriage...i don't wanna go through that...Marriage doesn't sound beautiful to me any more...It sounds like a nightmare in hell
     
  8. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My kids don't see it this way. They see it like 'well momma and daddy's didn't work out, that is on them. I'm gonna try it anyway and I look forward to it.'

    I taught them that. Don't judge your (future) marriage by the standards of others - good or bad.

    But another thing - my kids aren't exactly Christians and this seem to be something the religious folks are scared of in particular. Religious folks are scared of getting a divorce, or scared of something that has the possibility of leading to a divorce - hence their fear of marriage. Since (according to their faith) marriage is 'till death do you part' - people are scared of making that promise (vow) and not being able to live up to it... like the other 50% of marriage that end in divorce.

    Glad I don't have that fear or problem.
     
  9. Radical Faith

    Radical Faith Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks for sharing...What I didn't tell you is this is not my first marriage..This is in fact my second marriage. I too have a failed marrige under my belt. What I learned is when things got bad I don't feel I did all I could have done within myself to save that marriage. I also learned that money will ruin a marriage quicker than infidelity in some cases. I learned again you have to like a the person you are with. I also learned that sometimes things just aren't meant to be. I think the most important thing I learned is the things we experience in our life make us who we are. The wisdom I gained from a failed marriage has become the strength of my current successful marriage.

    Hope that helps...


    Peace....
     
  10. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My views on divorce aren't religious...I just don't want the heartache of losing someone I thought was my "soul mate"...
     
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