Black Relationships : What Is The Real Reason Men Cheat

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by soblessed, Apr 10, 2004.

  1. soblessed

    soblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I just want to know why men cheat. I have heard so many different things.
    Why would a man risk everything to sleep with another women?
    If his women looks decent,is intelligent caring she's got his back no matter what. why would he mess around.Is sleeping around more important then love?Does honesty mean anything.Why won't a man tell the truth if he don't want a serious relationship why don't he just say that?Just keep it real.We women are strong we candle the truth. Just don't insult my intelligence. When it comes to this topic I'm clueless because I'm not a man.
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hello SoBlessed and Welcome ... :wave:

    I'm not a man, but i have an opinion regarding why men (and women) cheat. I think they cheat because they want to cheat.

    We could attempt to look deeper into each individual case of cheating, and point out some bad childhood experience, or some stressful situation they're currently experiencing, or the fact that they are no longer "in love" with their significant other. We could talk about the high number of Black men that are in prison or dead, and those available are in high demand by most all women, regardless of color. We could talk about the many Sisters that have no respect for themselves or their Sister (his significant other) and is willing to be with him, no matter what ... much of this increasing the Brother's opportunity (i'd imagine) to cheat.

    We could talk of these things and more, with all of them being possible contributing factors. But the bottomline is, if they didn't want to cheat, they wouldn't. Adults do what they want ... except maybe getting sick and dying ... and cheating aint on that list. Decisions surrounding cheating, lying, stealing, etc., speak to each individual's character, honor, and integrity, or lack thereof.

    Oftentimes, what happens next is ... "Should i remain with them after they've cheated, after they've revealed they have no or very low character, honor, and integrity?" ... that answer too is based on the same as the above ... folk stay if they want to.

    Hope i've helped! :)

    Welcome to the Family, please make yourself at home.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. soblessed

    soblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I hear what your saying. Do you think that every one cheats at one point in their lives? I believe that the bottom line is that people do it beause they want too. I also think that men are weak when it comes to sex(not all men) I just don't get it.Just because a child wants a toy really bad doesn't mean take it.I believe that everyone has a weakness and I also believe that the enemy feeds on that. If you are not walking with the Lord how can he strenghten You? I guess I was looking for an understanding.I'm not saying women don't cheat ME personally has been afected by men cheating.It's just not right. If you are married or in a serious relationship why do you have to worry about is my husband or partner gonna get someone pregnant or is my wife or partner pregnant by me or someone else.What about STDS OR AIDS. IF you want to gamble with your life that is your bussiness but don't gamble or play with mine.Everything that we do effects people.What if there is children involved, how does it effect them.One moment of pleasure can bring a life time of pain.I just don't get it.
     
  4. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I cheat because I usually get tired of the female within 2weeks to 3 weeks. It is easier for me to please multiple people than it is one. And everytime I Try to date one person I usually end up cheatin a week later so, I think some people should just come to grips with the reality that they are not capable of being with one person.

    Just my opinion.
     
  5. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Men cheat for the same reason women cheat. It's not a gender thing, it's a stupidity thing. Nowadays I'm just up front with a woman. I'll tell them exactly whats going on like "I don't want a relationship, but we can be friends and do our thing". If I was to get into a relationship I would not cheat though. It's too much work and it doesn't make sense to cheat. Just tell the person that it's not working and move on. It's somewhat of a cowardly way to have your cake and eat it too without having to actually confront someone and be honest. That's just my opinion. But both men and women cheat. Women just seem to know how to lie alot better than men do.
     
  6. soblessed

    soblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree it's a stupidity thing.I think people can be with just one person they choose not to.That's not fair and it's not right.The person on the recieving end is the one that gets hurt.So I believe that ,the whole some people can't be with just one person is an excuse to cheat.Aren't people worried about HIV, AIDS, GENITAL WARTS, HERPES AND OTHER STDS. In which condoms don't protect from all STDS such as HERPES and WARTS.
     
  7. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, some people think it's cool to have someone care about them and then screw that person over. I know because when I was younger I used to be like that. Some people need to have that feeling that they are so great that they can get someone sprung then make them feel like crap by cheating on them and making them feel like less of a person in the process. They need to feel like they have so many options that they have to juggle all these men or women into their hectic schedule. Actually, if you think about it it's pretty sad. It says alot about the cheater. That person is not entirely secure with himself/herself. I don't think there is anything wrong with having sex with more than one person as long as everyone knows where they stand. I mean, be an adult, if you don't want a relationship then be upfront. You'll be surprised how many men/women will respect that and still be with you without any type of commitment or headache. It's alot easier than trying to climb your way out of the hole that you dug yourself by trying to be a player.
     
  8. Keita Kenyatta

    Keita Kenyatta going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Destee brought some good things to the table on the issue...and it's one which is too complex to answer. In terms of "Character", our character is based on our socialization, education, and religions, and everything else...so I'm leaving character out of it...for character has too many factors that determine and define it.

    In terms of "Adults", exactly when does that reality exist ? When I was younger, they...the dominate society said I wasn't an Adult till 21. Then they changed it to 18. The Scriptures don't consider you to be a man till you're 40. Even what we classify as being ADULT isn't laid out. We have issues of monogamy, polyandry and polygamy in our history and culture. We therefore don't even all have the same conscious or subconscious value system in terms of what we call cheating.

    Today you can be monogamous to your heart...tomorrow you may learn something that may shake the very core of what you held to be true in your HEART yesterday. All this is to say that...as individuals we need to define what our reality is and then pray that as we grow, what we learn tomorrow does not destroy what we cling to today. Truth and growth, whether on purpose or not, will do that in ones life.

    Did one commit adultery when one slept with someone ? The scriptures state that the act of adultery was commited when you thought about it or had it in your heart. So to be real about, we have some serious redefining to do in terms of what is or is not acceptable. If I live by and follow the prophets of any religion, then I can have several wives. If I choose certain elements of our history and culture to live by, I can have several wives and she can have several husbands. Again, I say this so that you or whoever can define WHAT YOUR REALITY IS OR WILL BE...ALSO BE WARNED THAT GROWING AND LEARNING MAY CHANGE THAT.
     
  9. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    People are unfaithful because they are not true to themselves and therefore cannot be true to their partners... and have little or no self-control. But that's just my opinion
     
  10. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Not every "love" relationship is between just two people, and by consent. So the concept of "cheating" is relative to the design of the relationship and the understanding of the people involved. The question is, are some people willing to participate in a monogamous relationship with another person and are there some people who prefer having multiple partners? Those that want a one-on-one relationship should hook-up and those that want multiple partners should do the same. It pays to seek the kind that you want and not assume that everyone is in agreement just because you didn't see a need to discuss it. I agree with kente417mojo, gender has nothing to do with so-called "cheating," but I question whether women are better at lying about it than men.

    Peace,
    Queenie :spinstar:
     
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