Manhood can not be obtained or defined at the breast of a woman. Men don't understand women, if they do that they become. Women don't understand men, if they do that they become. The key is acceptance. Individuals know what they look for in the other but that does not necessarily define what a man or woman is, just what they desire to see in them. Women can only teach a man to be a gentleman, manhood is Only initiated by a man or the company of men. Usually women seek to domesticate men by making him safe and removing his rough edges and wildness but the man at his core is a wild man, a beast. Remove that remove the man. The story of "Iron John" by Robert Blye is a very good story, also for the Christian readers a book "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge. We must remember that although some cultures lost the definitions of manhood others have not. Manhood was stripped from the Blackman in this country so we must go outside of us to watch examples of those who never lost it.
Let's try this again, and hopefully this will not come off as anything other than bible-supported discussion.
Papa, I saw your comment as the passage in Exodus indicated "Teach your children my ways." And with men, we know that the only way we can learn any idea of what manhood means is to be taught by fathers or father figures. Like the Native American proverb suggests:
Tell me, I may forget.
Show me, I may not remember.
Involve me, and I will understand.
This truth gives men security in their manhood, and women security concerning the choice of choosing men who have been properly taught by other men. Even men improperly taught by other men have a better chance of correcting his views. They can always go back and see which idea caused them to be off balance.
As to being taught by women, I do believe that women can teach it, but the limitation of this teaching is the teaching of preferences, meaning how it is preferred by a handful of women that you as a man should behave. This can be good, but may stand more of a chance of being dangerous for both men and women.
Examples: Sampson and his Philistine love interests, King Ahab and Jezebelle.
I do not discount the teachings of any woman who genuinely loves you, such as a mother or wife. I rather revere them for it. But without my father's teaching, I would not have a clue of how to properly revere them. The book of proverbs suggestively commands that I both heed the law of my father and love the teaching of my mother. The passage suggests that these teachings and commandments of both parental figures work in harmony. The book of proverbs also suggests that I should take the counsel of my wife above all others if she is a virtuous woman. The Bible also warns me against all ungodly counsel, be it from a man or a woman.
Where manhood is concerned, I can learn preferences of women and insights about women that I can take into consideration. But as far as the foundational behavior - that can only come from a man. Can the man teaching be faulty? Yes. And as we men mature, we can go back and fix what was wrong if we take the time during our lives to study the Word of God and accept godly counsel.
This is why I am able to say that not all suggestions as to what real men do said by both men and women are accurate and/or more helpful than harmful. I have to know what foundational things are right and what foundational things are wrong. This is what time with God and living experiences produces in men. Also godly counsel makes the process go faster. If I wanted to be a better husband, then I would talk to a happy couple while inviting them to lunch, but I would never talk to the wife alone, because as a man, I learned from other men that such is disrespectful to both spouses.
And when you as a man learn from other men how to be a man, there is a spiritual upbuilding that takes place that does not take place when you learn about manhood only from women.
I am grateful that I have a father. He is not perfect and was not perfect, but he taught me things that I completely understand, from spirit to heart, and my understanding has helped me weed out what is right in his teaching from what was wrong in his teaching. But without his teaching, I would not know where to begin.
Sisters, do not get me wrong. Your insights are valuable to me. But I jump at the chance to listen to my fellow male Christian elders to learn what I can from them, especially when it comes to the topics of life balance, fatherhood, business, and character. I've had that habit since childhood.
To say that only a man's teachings can build your character as a man is in no way sexist. A father's correction affects you much differently than a mother's correction. That's a product of God's design. And as a man-in-training, so a father's teaching impacts you more so than a mother's teaching. It's a spiritual core transfer. Imagine a dude with the spiritual core of a female. Imagine a lady with the spiritual core of a dude! Not a good look, either way!! Just saying!
I've also learned not to listen to what the majority of people say about being a real man or being a real woman. All anyone can define about being real is
what's real to them. If you hear their expression, you decide whether or not to agree with them to the point that you make it part of your idea. You are responsible for that. For me, I cannot learn manhood from a woman and I do not believe that it is possible. I CAN learn from a woman how to be her friend, lover, husband, parental teammate, and brother. But the things she may love about me are the credit of my father figures only (God included).