Poetry Critiques : what im lackin'

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by ladyafrika, Mar 29, 2005.

  1. ladyafrika

    ladyafrika Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2005
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    1
    Ratings:
    +1
    my love is covered in pain
    I wish he never told me his name
    but his love was something I seeked
    told me to look inside the door but I peeked
    I was hurt mentally
    never put his hands on me
    but that pain began to stick to me
    everything is gone now
    all we have is our history
    but now old feelings come from within'
    now im askin' myself should I stay alone
    or should I give into him
    I already know how he is but he says he can change
    says he can see into the future
    and see me with his last name
    they say love equals pain
    but too much pain can destroy
    there a lot of stuff that I went through
    that I don't want to go through anymore
    I tried to move on
    but he keeps bringin' me back
    I don't want him but his love is what I lack
    they say I got that love jones
    like Nia and Larenz
    he says he has too much love for me to just be friends
    I try to resist but he keeps pullin' me back in
    walkin' away is somethin' I cant do
    that's why im sittin' here
    talkin' 'bout my blues
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    this was written through deep emotions
    and the concept of it hit well line by line
    had a ring to it .....nice poem

    welcome to destee.com workshop of critiques
    welcome to the house of lovin preace & respect
    welcome from above blessing the flow some love
    keep writting poet ur on point !
     
  3. ladyafrika

    ladyafrika Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2005
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    1
    Ratings:
    +1
    Much respect! thanks for ya reply.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    most welcome continue to share !
     
  5. AHMOSE

    AHMOSE Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Messages:
    877
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Mechanical Engineer
    Location:
    Educating the Diaspora
    Ratings:
    +9
    Welcome to Destee Ladyafrika
    Nice post. Nice name

    :spinstar: :welldone: :spinstar: