Black Relationships : What happened to the good old days?

toylin

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REGISTERED MEMBER
May 17, 2004
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Michigan
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This has probably been covered before, but it just happened to me last night......

As most of you know, I'm going through a divorce. I've been separated from my husband for a month. I met a really nice guy a few days ago. We watched a movie, talked... nothing happened because I didn't let it. He knew that I wasn't up for a relationship, or even relations at the moment, and he seemed cool with it. He knows about the divorce, my son, and I thought it was clear that I was looking for nothing more than friendship at the moment.

He tried several times to put the moves on me, and each time, I deflected his advances. Finally, he called me today, asking to see me. I informed him that I don't want random people around my son just yet. He then told me that he wasn't used to restrictions with people, that he wanted to be in my life, be my man. I repeated my statement about not looking for more than a friend at this point, certainly not sleeping with someone I just met. He then told me that if he had to wait until I was divorced (which can be anywhere from 2 to 6 months) before he could "make love" to me and be the only man in my life, then he couldn't talk to me at all, no hard feelings.

So my question is essentially for the men: When you meet a woman you really like/are attracted to, and she's trying to get out of a relationship, do you wait for her, or do you move on? Why?

Just asking....

Toya
 
I dont go anywhere near a woman in a relationship. I know I can face the dissapointment of ending up as a "freind" easily enuff with a single woman on the hunt for a serious relationship, so I wont throw a BF in the mix who could win the girl back at any time. That being said, if I think a woman is gonna be one that I could have a meaningful long term relationship with, I will not rush to hit it and instead get to know her. Once I lock it down, I could "hit it" as many times a day as she will allow, so why rush and just do it once and not even get a good relationship out of it?

That guy was probably dropping a "line" in saying he wanted to be your man.....he wanted to hit it. JMO

You are right to have rules about new men and how much of your life they take up since you got a young son to deal with.
 
Actions speak louder than words. Whatever he said to make you believe he was a nice man, he contradicted by continually coming on to you (in spite of your polite refusals). I highly doubt that he wants to be your man, because as you said...you only met him a few days ago. I'm sorry Toylin, but men don't fall for women that quickly. Men also don't respect women they try to sleep with on the 1st date. Despite what he said to the contrary, I can probably tell you what this man was thinking: Her is a woman with low self-esteem, and low confidence (going through a divorce), who will be an easy conquest. Men do wait for women who they feel is worth it, but this is not the intentions of this brother. My advice to you would be to move on, he is not worth the effort you took to type your message (he is definately not what you need in the midst of a divorce).
 
Like MrBlak said, I really don't mess with women with any baggage. I mean, not baggage as in children, but baggage as in trying to get over a man or something like that. I have no problem with kids at all. I think he was just trying to hit it because he though you might be lonely and going through some stuff, so it probably looked like a sure thing. I think brothas will wait, I just think this brotha is not looking for someone to have a relationship with.....that's why he can't wait.
 

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