Black Relationships : What happened to the good old days?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by toylin, Jul 11, 2004.

  1. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 17, 2004
    Messages:
    1,195
    Likes Received:
    17
    Occupation:
    Security Guard
    Location:
    Michigan
    Ratings:
    +17
    This has probably been covered before, but it just happened to me last night......

    As most of you know, I'm going through a divorce. I've been separated from my husband for a month. I met a really nice guy a few days ago. We watched a movie, talked... nothing happened because I didn't let it. He knew that I wasn't up for a relationship, or even relations at the moment, and he seemed cool with it. He knows about the divorce, my son, and I thought it was clear that I was looking for nothing more than friendship at the moment.

    He tried several times to put the moves on me, and each time, I deflected his advances. Finally, he called me today, asking to see me. I informed him that I don't want random people around my son just yet. He then told me that he wasn't used to restrictions with people, that he wanted to be in my life, be my man. I repeated my statement about not looking for more than a friend at this point, certainly not sleeping with someone I just met. He then told me that if he had to wait until I was divorced (which can be anywhere from 2 to 6 months) before he could "make love" to me and be the only man in my life, then he couldn't talk to me at all, no hard feelings.

    So my question is essentially for the men: When you meet a woman you really like/are attracted to, and she's trying to get out of a relationship, do you wait for her, or do you move on? Why?

    Just asking....

    Toya
     
  2. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 18, 2004
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    9
    Ratings:
    +9
    I dont go anywhere near a woman in a relationship. I know I can face the dissapointment of ending up as a "freind" easily enuff with a single woman on the hunt for a serious relationship, so I wont throw a BF in the mix who could win the girl back at any time. That being said, if I think a woman is gonna be one that I could have a meaningful long term relationship with, I will not rush to hit it and instead get to know her. Once I lock it down, I could "hit it" as many times a day as she will allow, so why rush and just do it once and not even get a good relationship out of it?

    That guy was probably dropping a "line" in saying he wanted to be your man.....he wanted to hit it. JMO

    You are right to have rules about new men and how much of your life they take up since you got a young son to deal with.
     
  3. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    10,227
    Likes Received:
    191
    Location:
    The Diaspora
    Ratings:
    +194
    Actions speak louder than words. Whatever he said to make you believe he was a nice man, he contradicted by continually coming on to you (in spite of your polite refusals). I highly doubt that he wants to be your man, because as you said...you only met him a few days ago. I'm sorry Toylin, but men don't fall for women that quickly. Men also don't respect women they try to sleep with on the 1st date. Despite what he said to the contrary, I can probably tell you what this man was thinking: Her is a woman with low self-esteem, and low confidence (going through a divorce), who will be an easy conquest. Men do wait for women who they feel is worth it, but this is not the intentions of this brother. My advice to you would be to move on, he is not worth the effort you took to type your message (he is definately not what you need in the midst of a divorce).
     
  4. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 17, 2004
    Messages:
    1,195
    Likes Received:
    17
    Occupation:
    Security Guard
    Location:
    Michigan
    Ratings:
    +17
    Yeah, I've already lost his number.... It's just I seem to remember a time, not so long ago, when a brother would wait for a sister he thought was worth it. See, this is why I don't "date." Once I get divorced, I'm going on strike. NO NEW MEN! NO NEW MEN!
     
  5. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2004
    Messages:
    3,756
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +34
    Like MrBlak said, I really don't mess with women with any baggage. I mean, not baggage as in children, but baggage as in trying to get over a man or something like that. I have no problem with kids at all. I think he was just trying to hit it because he though you might be lonely and going through some stuff, so it probably looked like a sure thing. I think brothas will wait, I just think this brotha is not looking for someone to have a relationship with.....that's why he can't wait.
     
  6. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,379
    Likes Received:
    1,434
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,869
    Sister Toylin, I know you ain't asked for my opinion BUT...be very careful of what you say, write and how you think because I strongly believe that you will get what you ask for.

    In a better situation, when you are settled, past the divorce, feeling good about yourself and confident as a person, when your child is developing healthily, I'm sure you will change your mind about not wanting someone NEW in your life. Don't strike sister...just take a hiatus until you get yourself situated. It will take time because if you're like most women who've gone through a divorce, you need time to study how not to REPEAT the mistakes you might have made in the past with men.

    Just a friendly suggestion.

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  7. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 17, 2004
    Messages:
    1,195
    Likes Received:
    17
    Occupation:
    Security Guard
    Location:
    Michigan
    Ratings:
    +17

    Thank you, sister. I welcome your opinion. If I didn't want anyone's opinion, then I shouldn't have posted, right? Okay, maybe not strike... but dang! I wonder how long it'll be before people stop asking me if my husband "broke my heart."
     
  8. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
    1,904
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technical Analyst
    Location:
    ATL SHAWTY! Mr. Coli Park
    Ratings:
    +38
    In these situations I usually drop the woman like a bad habit. I am not a knight in shining armour nor do I run presedential, thus there will be no recounts. I usually handle my bizness and pull out, because I feel if she will break with someone for me, she will break up with me for someone else.
     
  9. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 17, 2004
    Messages:
    1,195
    Likes Received:
    17
    Occupation:
    Security Guard
    Location:
    Michigan
    Ratings:
    +17
    I hear you, brother.

    In the meantime, I no longer associate with this brother. Or any other brother, for that matter. I realize that I need some time to myself. I'm not just breaking up with someome, I'm getting divorced. That, to me, well, it just SUCKS, man!
     
  10. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    I hear u sistah , just keep ya head on and i agree with NNQueen
     
Loading...