Black People : What Don't You Like About This Community ?

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Destee, Jan 13, 2007.

  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Peace and Blessings Family,

    I'm looking for your concerns / complaints, regarding this community, the way we manage it, or any aspect thereof.

    I know some of you may not find it easy to complain to me, about me, but i've always encouraged and welcomed such thoughts. How can i improve, if i'm not open to hearing how others view me? I may be thinking i'm looking one way, doing one thing, when everyone else has a totally different take on my words and actions! That would be terrible, and the only way to correct it, is for us to communicate.

    In addition, this is not just about me. The Moderating Team, and the Membership at large contributes greatly to what we experience here every day (probably more than me alone, though the proverbial buck does stop with me, and i do shoulder the ultimate responsibility). Therefore, make sure if you can, that we all understand what exactly your concern / complaint is, and which area of the community it is directed to ... Administrators, Moderators, or Members (or even some other area not mentioned). We are all in this together, so please don't be reluctant to share.

    I'm smiling to myself, as i think you all might be reluctant to share ... some time back, i gave the Moderators this same opportunity to critique my management style ... :) ... thinking they too would be reluctant ... and whew Lawd ... they had all kinda stuff to say! I was like ... wait ... hold up ... yall was just spoze to say ... "aint nuth'n wrong Destee" ... :)

    Family ... there was a time when i took things oh so very personal, as it related to this community ... and i'm sure i still do that to some degree ... but trust me, i've grown. Things that use to hurt my feelings, made me cry, don't move me like that anymore. I've become less sensitive, less emotional, so please don't think you're gonna hurt my feelings ... because you're not. In addition, if it appears that my response is too emotional, sensitive (or not enough of either), just let me know! I'll try to be as objective as possible.

    So ... i'm kinda bracing myself for your responses ... don't worry though, i can handle it.

    Actually, i'm excited about the prospect of reading your concerns. This could be the beginning of something great(er). The very thing that you tell me is going on here, or the way it looks to you, may be exactly what i need to know, that i couldn't see all by myself. The sharing of your opinion can make a lot of difference.

    Now, if you're complaining about another Member, this isn't the place for it, as you all know we have a process for that. But if there seems to be a general bias being demonstrated in the way we manage the community, or some other collective wrong, then this is the place to share it ... and please please please ... give us specific examples of what you mean. Show us the threads and/or posts. It's wrong to present your concerns / complaints, with no evidence supporting them.

    It would be great, when presenting your concerns, you also include a solution ... but that's not required.

    What would be different about this community, if you had the ability to implement whatever changes you'd like?

    Of course i will not hold anything against anyone, and will focus on your concern, responding to it specifically, the best i can.

    Looking forward to this discussion ... :eeek: ... :love:

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Brother Omowale ... you've said so much ... wow!!! ... :love: ... i'm excited! ... :jumping:

    I'll respond to every concern, but i'm gonna let the responses flow for a few first ... let everyone get their say in ... k ?

    This is really really really good ... thanks for sharing ... i love you Brother O ... :love:

    :heart:

    Destee

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    Okay Brother Omowale ... thanks for your patience.

    Below is my response to the concerns you presented:



    Brother Omowale ... okay okay okay ... i did start that thread! ... i'm guilty ... :( ... and i could have chosen not to post that ... yes yes yes, you're right ... but i didn't break a rule, i didn't call anyone's name, and there is a such thing ... as a whining, crying, man ... okay okay okay ... i was venting! ... oouuuhhh ... i'm sorry ... i broke ... i didn't hafta post that ... i got caught up ... i'm sure i wasn't thinking of the immediate or long-term ramifications of my posting that opinion ... once it was out there ... well ... it has 94 posts in it, and only one of those is mine ... the first one ... after i got it out of my system ... said it ... i was done. I really didn't mean to offend (all the Brothers) ... i'm sorry if i did offend you, and sorry for the poor example i provided the Family ... but i didn't break a rule ... so i don't gotta say sorry for that.

    There are many discussions here talking about Sisters and the negative things we face (and do), such as single Motherhood, poor choices in men, etc. ... topics that Sisters have complained about Brothers saying ugly things ... and i've told the Sisters, basically, they gotta suck it up and not take it personal ... since nobody called their name. So if you wanna start threads on any of those topics ... Whining Crying Women - Alpha Females - The Black Woman Ego ... that would be kewl with me, i surely won't take offense. :)

    In addition, that thread does reflect my views on that topic. I may be wrong, but i've said all those same things to my son. I admire his strength to stand up in the face of adversity, and focus on resolving the problem, rather than laying blame. There have been times when he was younger, where he tried to lay blame at the feet of another, for what he was facing, and i told him he can't do that. He must be totally and completely responsible for his own life, to the greatest extent that he can. So, while i was venting, i meant every word i said ... i just should have said them better.

    My opinion has always seemed to have more weight than others.I've always complained about this. I don't think it should. I certainly don't know more than anyone else. I'm a Sister like every other Sister, a Member like everyone else, and would like for my opinions on the topics to be considered no more than that ... but it just doesn't work like that ... *sigh* ... so i hafta do a little different, a little better ... and i didn't do that that time ... again, i'm sorry.


    Brother O ... i'm quite flattered that you want to see an updated picture of me, and i may be doing that soon ... but what does my picture have to do with the management of the community? If i were a Brother, would you be requesting a new pic of me? I don't know if this would be considered sexist, as i'm really just learning to recognize such. In defense of what might be considered a sexist remark, i am the founder of this site, and adding a new pic may prove positive. Thank you for the suggestion. I will consider it, even though the community isn't about me, it's about us.

    Everything you get from me, is the REAL Destee.


    Brother Omowale ... i don't believe i've ever raised an issue ... started a thread, about Brothers preferring light skinned women, nor have i labeled it as self hate. Perhaps you're thinking of a time when i spoke on the way the media promotes light skinned Sisters over dark skinned ones. I've talked of how there is a great disparity in this area. But as far as a Brother choosing a Sister ... light or dark ... how can i be mad about this?!! I want him with a Sister! I haven't even said much about those Brothers that choose white women over us, as they are entitled to their preference. I know my position is, and always has been, that folk should be with who they wanna be with ... and i don't generally get into that. You'll have to show me where i said something about Brothers preferring light skinned Sisters and labeling that self-hate.

    Angela Davis ... wow ... gosh ... i don't really know her whole past, though i know she's been significant and speaks regularly on the devastation the prison industrial complex is doing to our people, and all people, for that matter. But she especially fights for us. I remember hearing or reading recently, that she was in New Orleans speaking on behalf of those locked up during Katrina, or those who were required to remain locked up beyond their time, not represented properly, some such stuff as that. Working for our people. I admire her. Not long ago i found some audio recordings of her and played them in the chat room. She wasn't saying anything i disagreed with, so vehemently, that i had to dismiss her completely. No way. Actually, i was quite impressed with what i heard. I think she has a beautiful speaking voice, relaxed, soothing, and quite distinctive ... so much so ... that i told Sister Patrice she sounds just like her to me ... beautiful.

    In regard to her being gay ... well ... i try not to get involved with who folk sleep with, their choices and such, as she is a grown woman and can choose whomever she pleases to sleep with. That's really none of my business. I had heard that she was gay, but it didn't stop me from respecting her.

    The main reason i chose her for my avatar, is because i've been growing my afro for a while now, and i've been told that i kinda look like her ... my daughter even calls me "Momma Davis" ... :love: ... it's kinda cute ... so as i was growing my afro ... i put her picture up to be a guide for my afro to know how i wanted it to grow and look.

    I didn't realize i'd be making a political statement, by choosing her picture as my avatar ... i just think she's beautiful.


    I probably do appear oblivious to what's going on, but i'm watching. I can see. I've not been doing this for as long as i have, to fall asleep now. If it looks like i'm sleeping ... shake me ... just to be sure ... :) ... but in all seriousness, i'm pretty low-key ... i don't get all in a tizzy about stuff that happens here, not like in days gone by ... the things that i have no real control over, things that happen as a result of time passing by and life changing ... and the community changing too ... i tend to just go with the flow ... unless of course the flow becomes so disruptive and i have to act ... but short of that ... i try to let things run their natural course ... instead of getting in the way.

    I don't know what "people are free to come and go as they may" has to do with the above. Perhaps because i don't get upset when folk come and go as they please ... and that makes you think i'm asleep at the wheel ... but i really don't get upset at that ... and as you've said, i've said this before ... basically ... i don't want anyone here, that doesn't want to be here. I don't want to force folk to stay here. I wouldn't want to be forced to stay somewhere. I want to go where my Spirit leads me, where i'm comfortable, etc., and i'd never deny anyone the same. If a Member prefers being somewhere else, then that is where they should be. I've always felt this way, so what may look like a lack of concern, is really respect for a person's choice.


    Brother O ... the only way i would feel like i "lost a Member" is if they passed away. If there was no hope that i would get to read their words, or have benefit of their wisdom, knowledge, laughter, whatever part of themselves they brought to the table.

    I've never had a competitive Spirit about this community. I've never felt that we were in competition with anyone. I used to build web sites, so my thinking regarding them may be a little different. The entire Internet is based on the fact that a whole bunch of sites are linked to each other. Those links actually take you to other places. It's other places that make for community, in a more collective sense. The Internet would not be what it is, if other sites didn't exist. We all really depend on each other. In a "real life" environment, the community may consist of the grocery store, the cleaners, the gas station, etc., several different places doing different things. It's the same on the Internet. It doesn't mean we're in competition with each other, as such. I believe what we offer here is unique to us. If it's not what someone wants, it's a great thing for them to have somewhere else to go. I would love to see more sites like ours, where our people have a host of different options, that we are well-represented on the Internet. I've never felt like i lost anything, because a Member frequents other sites.

    In regard to folk openly disrespecting me, in most cases, it's like water on a duck's back. Over the years, i've found that it upsets the Members more than it upsets me. I've had folk get mad at me, for not being upset over what they considered to be disrespect toward me. I'm just not real sensitive this way anymore. I guess after being attacked so much, sorta kinda being an easy target out here (and anyone would be if they had our site), i've learned that it's just part of the territory. I don't take it personal. At least that's how i try to deal with stuff like that, not allowing it to get even one tiny piece of my precious energy. I'd get upset over someone disrespecting a Member, long before i'd ever get upset over them (trying) to disrespect me.

    Quality Control ... ?? ... oh gosh ... i'm gonna hafta talk to my QC Mgr, and get an update on where exactly we stand! :wink:

    But really, i guess we all use different gauges to determine quality, and i think our cup runneth over, in this area. While i've always used the same gauges, i realize there are more, and am beginning to look at and try to understand them as well ... but basically, i'm pleased with our quality.


    They are still listed there because i'm sorta kinda nostalgic, and the squeakiest wheel gets the oil. I've looked at those forums often, and thought, Gurl, you need to merge those threads. I just haven't done it. I'm not sure who you're talking about specifically, having gone to the place that vowed to destroy us, but i've had communication with all that are listed there, since they've been gone, and we have no problems with each other. People's life, schedule, the demands on them change, and they can't always keep up with everything. Brother Amun-ra was gone for a very long time, i considered moving / merging his stuff too, just never got around to it ... but now he's back, and i don't have to do it ... so it's a blessing.

    No ... this is just something that never got done, and wasn't hurting anything as is.


    Brother Omowale ... i've never informed the community of such decisions, and didn't know you were expecting that. Now the TEAM, that's a different matter, and i am wrong for not checking with them first. I'm real bad about stuff like that, but only the Mods would know it. I'm often moving quickly from one thing to another, juggling a few all at the same time ... and i get beside myself and think i can make a decision real quick fast and in a hurry ... without first checking with them. And i can do this, i mean, they've never really complained about that ... but there have been times they've said ... uuhhhh Destee ... why are we the last to know? ... i have done that before, regarding stuff i should have talked to them about first. They know i don't mean any harm, and am constantly trying to improve.

    The situation that you're talking about was prompted by Brother BlackBird's thread, Destee Hall of Solidarity (Brotherhood and Sister), and i was so moved by the sentiment, and wanted to do something big in an effort to embrace that moment. So i said i'd unban folk. I just read it, thought it, and did it ... never speaking to the Moderators. If they hadn't already read that post, or seen those folk unbanned, this is the first they're hearing about it. Since doing that though, i had reconsidered and thought how wrong i am, to be doing that to the Moderators. They'll be the ones that have to deal with the disruption, if there is any. I was kinda torn though ... because the thread is so beautiful ... i didn't wanna ugly it by removing my contribution. I was gonna just delete my post and re-ban those folk, quietly ... but i probably never would have gotten around to it in time, before one of them returned and started posting again ... and would have been stuck with my hasty decision ... so thank you Brother O.

    I love us, and don't want to ban any, so i be feel'n kinda mushy every now and again ... miss'n folk and want'n 'em back.

    I'll go back and undo what i did. I was wrong for how i did it.


    Brother Omowale ... i don't know if you are suggesting that i am hyping things up, in an effort to increase Premium Memberships ... but i'm not. I've been accused of such before. It seems that when i wanna talk about something, start a thread, folk think i have an ulterior motive ... instead of thinking i just wanna share, like everyone else. Again, i guess this goes with the territory, but nothing could be further from the truth. It is my hope that everyone becomes a Premium Member because they are moved in their heart to do so, and i've always approached it from this perspective.


    Brother O ... everyone spends their time doing what they want. I don't have any control over this. Whether they want to discuss white supremacy, Metu Neter, recipes, poetry, or anything else, it's all good as far as i'm concerned. That's what we're here for. Most Members talk about what they wanna, as do i, and i hope, as do you.

    Regarding Brother Chat and Sister Chat, it's not the only effort that didn't get the kind of support it needed to sustain itself. That happens. If i had the time to facilitate it myself, i would, Sisters Chat anyway ... and i have no real way of insuring that Brothers do their thing, as i wasn't even allowed to join in those sessions. Just because something doesn't work initially, or for as long as we'd like, doesn't necessarily mean it's a failure. It might not have been its time. If you'd like to see Brother Chat start up again, you are more than welcome to facilitate it, and i'll do all i can to insure that the chat and site are here to provide the platform for it. I invite any and all Sisters and Brothers to step up and make it happen. It's here for us, all we gotta do is wanna use it in that manner.

    In regard to the Destee Family Reunion, i apologize for starting that and not following through. I had the best of intentions and was very excited in the beginning, but things started happening soon after i posted that thread. Things that made me feel like it wasn't time for it. I went back and forth inside myself, and just didn't want to rain on the parade, so i quietly opted out. I should have said something, but i didn't. I figured that if folk wanted to meet each other, they don't need me there for that. So i just let you all go on planning and stuff, even without me. It could still have been good, a few meeting here and there, or however yall wanted, without my presence. So no, you're right, i did not commit myself.


    Brother Omowale ... i don't remember us discussing any of the above before, but we surely may have. Yes, it's all internal stuff, but nothing that is secret or anything. All able to be put on the table, just like you did. Thanks.

    I did say to you ... "there are two sides to a story" ... but it was only in regard to the situation you've mentioned in the quote below, and nothing else. I still stand by that.

    Brother Omowale ... there's so much stuff that just comes with the territory, when managing a large online community, and i think an occasional disgruntled Member or Moderator is a part of that. People get mad at me, for a host of reasons. No matter what i do, i'm not going to please everyone. Some are more displeased than others, feeling vindictive and wanting revenge. That's their energy, to do with as they see fit. I don't let it bother me. Please, don't misunderstand, it use to bother me, but i've grown so far beyond that now. You can check with most any online community, that's as large as we are, and have been around as long as we have ... and i'm positive they'll have like stories to tell. It really is par for the course.

    Now ... about the "two sides to every story" comment ... we have talked about this situation before, and i said this the last time. I still stand by that, and don't have any more to add regarding the Moderator you're referring to. In that same thread, this post, i go on and on about how much i appreciate you, and how happy i was not to lose you in that situation. I'm sure i've repeated those same sentiments in other posts as well. I love and appreciate you Brother O ... i don't know why you don't think i do. I do I do I do! :) How would you like for me to show you my appreciation? I mean, what aren't i doing, that i could be doing?

    Regarding Bishop and Drizzle My Nizzle FaShizzle ... again ... i don't feel as though i've lost anything. If they are happier somewhere else, i'm not mad about that. I want them happy. I want all of us happy! :) I don't believe either of them have ill-feelings toward me, at least, they've not ever told me that or made me feel that way.


    Brother Omowale ... i don't have a lot of experience with building organizations, but i can see what history tells me. I can see that many of our great organizations fell apart ... and are falling apart ... due to a number of reasons, including the divide and conquer stuff. I've seen some of that here on destee, and i don't profess to be an expert on it. I've just tried to weather whatever storms we've faced ... and we've faced a few ... and get us through them. The Creator and Our Ancestors have blessed us to achieve this thus far, and i'm just hoping they'll continue, for i don't believe the effort to destroy us ever ceases ... whether it is from within or without.

    If you think our house is divided now, i can't imagine what you would have said in times gone by! Whew! This is like a walk in the park. We are blessed beyond compare and nothing i see makes me think otherwise. Again, i guess it's what one looks at, what gauges they use, and how much information they have regarding the situation, that determines their assessment. I appreciate your warning though, as i can't see everything, and am taking all you have shared into consideration.

    Whew!

    I hope i've responded to all of your concerns. If i left anything out, or you have more questions, just ask.

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. Slowly

    Slowly Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    People who put down another's religion, especially when their information is wrong, and especially when they say nothing about their own relgion.
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Brother Slowly ... i agree with the above. Any suggestions on how we can overcome this?

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. Slowly

    Slowly Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think you already said you're not gonna censor people. If you like religion A, just boost up religion A. The rest shouldn't mean a thing to you. And if what you are saying makes sense, people will listen. I gotta buddy that's Muslim, He doesn't put down the Bible, I don't put down the Koran. We respect each others religion. If something is on T.V. about Christianity, sometimes I get a call, Hey mon, turn to channel 9, you might like what they saying. and I do that same for him.
     
  6. oldiesman

    oldiesman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    what don't you like...

    first of all destee,i wanna thank you for this forum and i've been treated nice since i've been here and i don't have any dislikes or complaints,i agree with some topics and disagree with others and that's why i don't respond to alot of things but that's what a forum is a discussion,we all aren't gonna agree on everything but it's good to have such a place as this where our people can talk about the things that effect us as well as anything else,so from where i'm sitting this forum is beautiful,sometimes i laugh sometimes i grit my teeth sometimes i just shake my head,but i'm ALWAYS glad to be here,as you can see by some of my responses i try to tell it like it is with a touch of humor sometimes as i will continue to do,but always with love for my people,so keep this forum going and god bless.
     
  7. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Brother Slowly ... well, we do censor people to some small degrees, in that every word can't / doesn't show up if you type it, but trying to control what topics they speak on ... no, i'm not gonna do that ... well ... actually, i did it one time long ago ... someone started a thread about the devil, devil worship, or sump'n and i freaked out, closed it, and said yall stop right now ... it did not sit well in my Spirit ... :eeek: ... but the Family fussed, and i opened it back ... so no, i won't hardly be trying to control things so tightly.

    That thing you and your friend have going on, in spite of your differences, is respect. Unfortunately, it can't be forced on folk. It's the kind of thing that grows up in us, some later than others, but it has to come from within ... for it to be most effective ... and i just don't have that kind of control.

    Brother Slowly ... you have always maintained a very calm, peaceful, and respectful disposition. It's an honor to have you here with us, for that is what our people need, more good examples of such. I think the more we see it in each other, the more we'll manifest it. It's beautiful. Thanks.

    I'm hoping that folk will do better, just as soon as they know better.

    Brother Omowale ... i'm not forgetting your concerns, it's just that his are quicker to answer. Don't give up on me.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  8. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Brother OldiesMan ... thank you so much for your kind words ... :love:

    I feel the same as you 'bout that laff'n, gritt'n teeth, and shake'n head ... whew Lawd! :)

    But this is us, this is our people, communicating ... and i absolutely love it ... the good, bad, and ugly!

    But of course i'm biased ... :) ... so it does my heart good to know it's not just me ... Thanks Again.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  9. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    *chiming in*:
    I don't see anything "bashy" about that thread Destee started. She was asking questions to puzzling behaviors; not insulting, IMO. That's not necessarily breaking forum rules. Certain people have a way of getting their point across without technically insulting; it's up to the person on the receiving end to take it how they want to... and focus on the message relayed, respectively.

    Peace
     
  10. OmowaleX

    OmowaleX Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I do not expect you to see anything wrong with it because you are not a Black MAN-Warrior-Brother, especially since your pattern of posting has gone from retracting an "apology"
    http://destee.com/forums/showpost.php?p=368907&postcount=1

    to the overly obsessive sensationalistic, hate mongering that I DO NOT LIKE.
     
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