Black Relationships : What does black love mean to you?

oh and.....

There is no science to love...... stop trying to box it up and condition it.....


yes, 2+2=4, IF and only IF you accept those principles on which the equation was built..
your theory states....
junkie+marriage= divorce
abuse+marriage= divorce

It is common for people to accept this theory because time has shown that this is what happens...they have been bred to believe that this is an acceptable outcome. (Let us remember convenience and compatibility....)

Thing is....I never considered myself common (sheepish),
my theory states....

junkie+marriage=prayer, counseling, communication;work
abuse+marriage=prayer, counseling, communication;work

well, it seems that when i attempt to drop a few lines i am compelled to revisit my words. I have watched and now i speak.

Kemetstry, although we have agreed on many things and disagreed as well, i have always respected your opinions. Saying this i would like to speak up on what i am seeing.

First, when it comes down to "love" black or otherwise we must first understand that life does not cause the condition of the heart; life revelas the condition of the heart. That is why it is important to embrace unconditional love. When faced with the ills of the world we must know that we love that person before they became downtroddened and it should not change because of it. Honestly, we should love them greater in order to be strong for them. We must examine our hearts to see where we stand and walk in that. if our hearts are darkened, then so will our commitmment to relationships. Some people fall "in love" to compensate for the rejection they've received through life and that is wrong. The only one who suffers is their mate because the offender is blinded to their own shortcomings.

Anyone who gets married or is in a love relationship very quickly realizes that their heart is not transformed by a person--because no person will change their heart. [ex. "Why am I so antangonistic towards my wife? How can I change her life so that my good qualitites can come out of me?"] It is not the wifes' problem. We try to change the human heart by juggling rules and regulations, insight and understanding. The truth is--the source of love is Godward. If the problem involves the flesh (addiction, abuse, etc.) there is no human remedy, just human relief. Only God can remedy it.

Giving your mate the best of you at all times is a wonderful concept but that is all it is -- a concept. Loving someoen means loving them for the good and the bad. I find it to be unfair to only love someon becaus eof the positive things about them because them if a shortcoming shows its head, then we are quickly out the door. Divorce coutr is inundated with relationships ending because the mate "lost his job" or "stop doing the things we did when we met." Ther newness leaves eventually and this is when the work comes in. Only loving someone for the good they bring you and loving them back with only your good things creates a level of stress that is not needed. You work too hard to be "perfect" or "uncapable of doing wrong" and leave little room for mistakes. Accidents happen so how can you be perfect in that.
What i am basically saying is that love them for the bestof them and be cognizant of the worst of them. If you can love then through the storms, then the bright days are easier to love them.

The great need of today is to make people conscious of the products of their own heart. This can only come from seeking a deeper understanding of how we feel before we engage in a relationship that can be very detrimental.

"love is the WILLINGNESS to become a better person for the sake of your mate. " This should not be. Love should be the willingness to serve GOD first. if you live someone so that you can become a better person means that you are shrinking yourself and believing the one your with is where you want to be. This means that you don't want the person to accept you where you are and yet you want their love forever. You have put conditions on their undconditional. I beleive that if somene could love me for where i am today then they will love me greater when i reach the goals that i seek. although i desire to give my mate everything the desire, i strive to give GOD everything first. They have the best of me and the worst. They see the best of me always but there will be times when the best may not appear and this is when i need them by my side.

If i was faced with my wife getting addicted on drugs or abusive to me, i would not elave them. i would get them help. There is no second guessing about that, but, if my mate has any concerns about it, then i would seriously reevaluate the situation. Marriage is "til death do us apart." I would never get married to someone that would consider reasons for divorce for marriage is a commitment and "What God hath put together, let no man put asunder..."


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