Black Relationships : What does black love mean to you?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by blakverb, May 14, 2001.

  1. blakverb

    blakverb Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I was engaged in an interesting conversation this afternoon regarding this very topic, BLACK LOVE. Man and Woman. What is everyones ;interpretation, definition on this? I have mine which I will share following some feedback.
     
  2. N2urSoul

    N2urSoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    N'trospect

    I would say my thoughts about "Black Love" are that I, as a black female, should:

    • Know "self" first
    • Understand my own 'blackness'
    • Self actualization/realization of what 'love' is to me
    • Recognize what I want from a relationship
    • Be sure about what I am willing to give to a relationship
    • SOUL DEEP

    I know that I want to be in an 'exclusive' relationship with a black man ~ one in which we enhance each other, uplift each other, and are working towards the betterment of ourselves both as a union, then as individuals within the relationship.

    Sharing love with each other completely ~ mentally, physically and spiritually.

    To experience true "black love" I am unsure that I have.... I've been 'in love' before, as a sista dating, or in relationships with brothas, but I don't think that I feel like I can say that it was "black love"... rather than just -- love in general?~
     
  3. N2urSoul

    N2urSoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    And a good view it is...Rykah~

    In agreeance with ya' gurl...

    Nihilism has practically destroyed our black families...no self love, hardly anything left....exceptn' to say to "recognize" that which is nearly lost...and to gain it back... put the "B" into 'lack' (Black) and the "L" back into 'ove' (Love); and let's get it going again!!


    1 :heart:
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Great question BlakVerb ... hmmmm ...

    When i think of "Black Love" i think of my (our) history, those that have done all they could to hold the black family together, trying to save sons and daughters from a life of oppression, if possible. I tend to think of the sacrifices those gone on have made ... I think of my Grandmother and her willingness, her strength, to raise the children her husband conceived by another woman while they were married, as if they were her own. I think of the black women that must choose between a mate and her children, and she chooses the latter. When I think of black love I think of the baby born w/drugs in her system, Momma's not able ... so Grandmother, Grandfather, Aunt & Uncle step in. When I think of black love, I think of all the wonderful love, encouragement and support given to me by each and every one of you ... my black family.

    Oh, skuze me ... you asked about BlackLove as it pertains to a man and a woman ???!!!! Oops ... :) ... i'll think on this and come back.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. 8th wonder

    8th wonder Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    hmmmm...well lets see...

    I think i think a little different on this topic than most....

    I agree that introspection and self love is important, but since we are talking about "love" and not "self" i believe it shouldnt be about you or what you get but what you give.

    I believe...
    love is selfless
    and blind
    and enduring.

    it sees the person and situation for what it is at its core and not for the "outside", "ever changing" circumstances outside of it. In terms of relationships, i believe you love some for who they are, not so much what you get (even emotionally). True, we can’t be with someone just because we love them but likewise that doesn’t mean we have to stop loving them either. It is true that most of us want to see a return on the investment we place in love but I think we can all safely agree that even when we don’t see that investment pay off- love is still there staring us in the face.. We often have to make a conscious choice to move away from the situation. I have had love relationships with men and for certain circumstances i have walked away. I still love them, I just chose not to be "involved" with them. The reason i loved them in the first place had nothing to do with any agreement we made or what they gave me physically or emotionally but more because of the expression of who they were...for the way in which God "shined" through them. My love had no expectations to a particular outcome such as marriage or an external label that we as people look for to validate a love relationship. I guess what im saying is that i believe love is not tangible- it cannot, will not, be conditioned. I don’t believe you can fall in or out of it. You cannot find it or loose it.... I believe true love is a constant state....

    I have found in my own quiet time of reflection and introspection, that "i get what i give". Even being the strong black sista that i am- I never felt the need to control or place conditions or limitations on my love. I have always trusted that love would see all things through.. This could be because of my faith in Gods love but also because of my very own walk in love...

    When i think about relationships between brothas and sistas, i believe there is so much beauty that can be exchanged... I also believe that society has created the perception that instead of giving it freely, there must be something given to experience it. That the exchange comes from external factors. Usually this perception brings issues from the very start... Furthermore (assuming that both parties are healthy, stable, centered individuals), I believe in part because of the struggle in our ancestry, blacklove produces a bond that is unlike any other.

    As i stated before, i have had some wonderful experiences with brothas and even today i find myself involved with a brotha that is beautiful inside and out. His family and church have embraced me which has made our bond that much stronger. And because both of us have an understanding and about love, alot of things that may have been an issue for us are simply nonexistent.

    This is my view about love and blacklove for that matter. I understand that everyone has their own idea about what love is a what it encompasses- and i respect that. I look forward to hearing more about what everyone thinks....
    Oh and i want to thank you, BV, for bringing this topic to the forefront. To you brotha…much love…

    8th!
     
  6. 8th wonder

    8th wonder Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    kemestry.....

    lol..strange..but i actually agree with you...not entirely but in part.... i feel you...lol

    8th!
     
  7. dnommo

    dnommo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    hmmm,

    love, in "general", is the ability to see a person for whom they are and not whom we desire them to be. Love requires being able to desire them after the newness comes off; when the days are long and sometimes you just don't want to be bothered. It is learning hot to agree to disagree and never going to bed angry. It is sacrificing for a common cause and walking headstrong into the will of God. it is remembering the special times when others don't and finishing your mates statements. Its learning them and their ways and knowing how to keep the freshness through surprises. Love requires work, but most seek it as just an emotion. Well, our heart can lies to us, especially if we depend on it solely as our precursor to a relationship. There are many who love someone deeply...they just love them from a distance.

    I belive in love and all that it encompasses, but I also believe that unconditional love means that you will accept who the person you're in love with at face value. Meaning, you love them for who they are, nothing more of less. Although it is wonderful to want them to reach their highest goals, you have to first know what those goals are. Many marriages and long term relationships end because of infidelity. This occurs because the other shoe has dropped or the person you thought you married is not the person you're married too. We have to come into it with our eyes wide open and your minds clear of what we desire and trust that it will be all that we asked for. But we also must be prepared if what we think we see is not really there. Trust is key; believing in them is key. When you lose belief in them, you lose trust and once that occurs, communication is severed. After that...divorce.

    I read a poem many years ago that said some things that are very true...

    I love you for you not for who I want you to be
    I need you to love me for me, not where you seek me to be;
    I cannot fix your past nor can you fix mine.
    I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
    nor are you in this world to live up to mine;
    I am I and you are you and if by chance we find each other,
    then it's beautiful;

    love is unconditional. That how I love and my future knows this. I understand that we don't meet eye to eye on everything but I do understand that we MEET. there is a lot involved in loving someone but when you live it, the work is not a difficult as people make it to be. Walking in love with a clear understanding of who you're with makes the walk worthwhile. Being evenly yolked with one and seeking Gods' favor will increase it immensely.

    Ps: I chose not to take a biblical viewpoint for the question was asking my personal views. although they are one in the same, true love is real and I walk it no matter my belief system...
     
  8. Afridancr

    Afridancr Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You all have good and valid points

    Love in general...yes up until recently, I've never experienced in my life, love that was unconditional from friends, hardly ever from family. I learned this at a very early age and it sometimes effects me even to this day. As previously mentioned love should be unconditional yet there is a cycle that has taken place where lessons on love are passed down from generation to generation. I learned love lessons from my mother, she from hers, so on and so forth. I have the desire to love unconditionally and seems it's me who'll be the one to end this vicious cycle.

    * I feel a rant coming so I'll stop there*

    As for black love knowing what it is...I can't say I've experienced it. I've been in many relationships short term and two long term. And again...they were all conditional. I had to give up something to get love in return.(sex, $$, dance, family,friends,love of self) If black love is reciprocal, unconditional, loyal, faithful, accepting of the person you are and the person you strive to be, nurturing, non-abusive physically/mentally/emotionally/sexually...then I have YET to experience black love.

    This love thing effected me to the point where I tried so hard to please him that I lost myself in him.

    I believe that love of God and self first is important before you can love someone else. That goes for family, friends and romantic relationships.

    I believe that true love/black love can/does exsist. It's evident right here on Destee's board.
     
  9. Afridancr

    Afridancr Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well Kemet

    I understand where you're coming. Basically, what I've desired is to be loved and accepted for the person that I am and desire to be. As you said, love is the WILLINGNESS to become a better person for the sake of your mate.

    I've been willing to become a better person for my mate (at the time) and for myself but, even still, that wasn't enough for him. That's why we're not together now.

    There should definately be mutuality and reciprocity in a relationship!!:)
     
  10. 8th wonder

    8th wonder Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Keme....

    I think your assumption that there is no "unconditional love" is just that... "an assumption". I think if you adjust your pessimistic attitude, you could open up to the possibility of such a thing.

    If we all dig a little deeper we will see that love does not mean relationships.... love does not mean marriage. I myself believe all things are possible.... I also believe that most people marry for convenience and compatiblility (right or wrong)....neither of which have anything to do with love...

    8th!:heart:
     
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