Black Relationships : What do I do?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by eeshfromphilly, Jun 11, 2003.

  1. eeshfromphilly

    eeshfromphilly Member MEMBER

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    Hello. I am new here. I am writing because my boyfriend caught me on the phone with an old friend. He is so mad. Don't ask me why I would call my old friend while my man was at home. But when he came upstairs, I tried to act like I was talking to my mom. I said "Okay, I'm coming now to use the dryer." I did everything wrong. I went out on the porch to use the phone in the first place. Then he comes out and asks me who am I talking to? After I hung up, he tried to take the phone (my cell phone at that!) Then the guy calls back! I didn't answer. I guess he didn't get my drift when I was trying to act like I was talking to my mom. He got the phone away from me and looks at the number. He called it back to see who would answer but he didn't talk to him. So now, he doesn't trust me anymore. He said the only time a person calls an old lover is if they are involved with them again. I told him I haven't seen him in years. But I recently started calling him. He doesn't believe a word I say. :eek:
     
  2. NADIA*BINTA

    NADIA*BINTA Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    sistah, sistah... sistah?!...

    what were you thinking? were/are you happy in this relationship w/your boyfriend?... cause i do have to ask, why would you call your old "friend" while your man was @ home OR even if your man wasn't @ home?...

    don't know how you can truly fix this one... cause different men react in different ways, ya know?... personally, i've done messed up things in my day... for various reasons... payback, lack of attention, etc... but none of the above was truly justified...

    cause in all realness you want to treat people like you want to be treated.... what would you have done if he was on the phone w/one of his old "friends" ?... would you trust him?

    don't know if i really answered your question... if i didn't... let me try again... if you really love him and want to be w/him... be true... to him... and to yourself... cause when we start calling old "friends" were opening a can of worms fa sho!...

    i'll brain storm... see if i can think of a way for you to fix it... the above was just off the top of my head...

    peace

    p.s. hope you can fix this :)
     
  3. NADIA*BINTA

    NADIA*BINTA Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    ...oh yeah... i forgot to say...

    WELCOME, WELCOME... WELCOME!!! :) :) :)

    i'm still kinda new too, but you're going to LOVE DESTEE'S PLACE!


    peace
     
  4. eeshfromphilly

    eeshfromphilly Member MEMBER

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    Thank you. It's a long story with us.. I moved in his house that he has where his mother lives also. We do not get along. I have been working so hard to make things work out and I am trying so hard. I am now at the point where I give up. I keep coming up with different ideas to make it work, like make the house into a duplex. (All the while, I am working on my credit for me to buy my own house) At first, he was talking all like he was down with that. Now he's telling me I just got to wait. I have waited and waited and put him and his mother first for basically the whole relationship. I still want things to work out but its really hard. My friend was always a good person to talk to. He always understands. I have talked to him before and I have told my boyfriend but never at home and in his face.
     
  5. NADIA*BINTA

    NADIA*BINTA Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    wooo... details make all the difference... seems like you have your hands full indeed!... how long have y'all been living like this... you, him & mama?... and how much longer can you live like that?... the situation seems trying... BUT... the phone convo w/your friend still is a no-no... definitely not trying to preach... couldn't cast the first stone w/o throwing a brick @ myself :) ya know...

    but the understanding you get from this "friend" and the convo you have w/him should really be with YOUR man... if you're living with this guy everyday, but your seeking supportive understanding (verbally/emotionally) from your "friend"... that ain't gonna work... (just my opinion... cause' i had a similiar scenario on my hands not to long ago:() because your mind will start to consume this "friend" more & more... leaving your man where???!!!

    oh... and please don't be homeless over these conversations... cause that could really do a number on your man's ego.. to be talkin to anotha brotha on HIS phone, in HIS house...

    be careful... think this through... seriously

    peace
     
  6. eeshfromphilly

    eeshfromphilly Member MEMBER

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    I have lived with them for a little over a year. I talk about the problem with him on a daily basis. He basically tells me to get over it. Lately I have not been talking about it so much with him because its no use. I was all excited about him turing the house into a duplex, (he hyped me up because I went and stayed at my dad's house for a few weeks and I guess he was lonely) I bought all the materials and everything. The materials are in the garage now. A few weeks ago, he said he would start that Saturday, now I have to wait until he saves money to give to his friends to help him. I have a feeling, I'll be waiting until the cows come home. I told him I was going to take the materials back since it didnt look likely that he would start. He cussed me out and told me that I should understand that he can't start right away. I do understand but I was expecting him to start on SOMETHING. I am TRYING. Right now, the problems between me and his mom are minimal because I just told her "if there is anything I ever did to offend you, I'm sorry." It's out of my hands now. I don't care about trying because I tried all I can. I even offered her to come to therapy with us. She doesn't want to do it. She says the things she does, she can do because she "was there first".

    Sorry this is so long. I'm starting to ramble.
     
  7. NADIA*BINTA

    NADIA*BINTA Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    hey, i don't mind @ all... sometimes when we ramble... we actually reach some type of resolution... BUT... i don't know how you can solve this issue...

    good smooth over w/mama.. but is this man a mama's boy?... cause if he is, you'll never be able to compete w/mama...

    we're going back and forth... BUT what's up with the "friend"?... have you fixed that... seems like if you can or if you have... you still have a whole lot of other stuff to fix in the mix!

    i hope our ramble has served some purpose... will continue if you like... but gotta do a couple things around this house real quick... and i'll check back w/ya later... okay :)

    peace

    p.s.... you can hit me on PM too, if need be...
     
  8. eeshfromphilly

    eeshfromphilly Member MEMBER

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    Thanks for your support. I'm gonna forget about the friend. I know that. But boyfriend is still mad at me. Maybe in time he'll get over it and we can move on. I don't know what I have to do to prove to him that I am not interested in having an affair. I do know that I would be hurt if he was talking to an old girlfriend. I wouldn't know what to think. I'll just have to wait it out.

    He's a momma's boy to a certain extent. He has his mom living with him and she doesn't pay a bill or have a job. She does have mental illness (she'll tell you that herself) which is why I am not going to talk about anything else she has done that was offensive. I just realize that this woman is crazy and leave it at that. Thats the only way I'll be able to get over her.
     
  9. eeshfromphilly

    eeshfromphilly Member MEMBER

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    You are right. I wont ever call him (or anyone else) again. It's really not worth it at all.
     
  10. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome sistah welcome

    welcome to destee.com

    yes you made the mistake of calling him when he was home
    but not only that this should not have happen are you happy
    in your relationship......why bring foolishness to a relationship
    yes i feel him as being upset and lost of trust and u say this a
    old friend if you haven't talked to him in such a long time why
    stir the pot ......indeed it was a small mistake and u can bounce
    back and win his trust again this will be something u must do
    in your own way .....it was somewhat wrong of u to do this
    but in most relationships a boyfriend don't understand this
    friendship stuff and when u sneak and do it makes matters
    worse ......surely this can be forgiven and move past the emotional drama i wish you all the luck and hope he understand
    and forgive you ....sorry this happen to you & yours
    let the outside go and be happy with what u have forth the love
    is a bond not a game to toy with ...
    do what u must to win his trust back remember in your own way
    it's a pleasure to meet u and welcome to destee.com family
    :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: