Black Relationships : What Constitutes A Relationship?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by river, Jun 19, 2005.

  1. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    How do you know when you are in one. Do you just let things happen like come what may and when certain things happen you assume that means you are in a relationship?

    Or do you sit down with the person and clearly define the terms of service--explicitly and mutually uttering the words "We are in a relationship. You are my man/woman."

    Is it even necessary to put a label on the time we spend with someone or can we just enjoy the person without the pressure of expectations. And if we do that is the person anything more than a ***** buddy.

    Isn't it a matter of respect and true compassion to clearly define one's intentions?
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    intentions?, intentions!, i don't need no stinkin intentions.............. :censored:
     
  3. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Intentions don't stink

    And you cannot not intend. Or do you intend not to have any intentions? In which case you are intentionally sabotaging your own intentions. And I know you don't intend to dothat.
     
  4. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Hey anAfrican,

    Thanks for responding.When you look at it in terms of what "feels better" it is certainly easier to feel closer to someone when you just let the situation be what it is. Society puts a lot of pressure on us, especially on women. to define the terms of the deal otherwise it isn't considered legit. That imo is where things break down--when we invite society into the scene because intimacy cannot grow in a crowd.
     
  5. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    some of my best friends have been **** buddies
    you too cerebral.
     
  6. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    No it has nothing to do witht da chicken or da egg.I'm talking about when two people are really moving towards each other in every way--mentally, spiritually, emotionally and yes sexually. In such a situation some level of negotiation comes with the package. How to carry it out without artificial and alienating pressures is what I'm talking about.
    Yep I've been going with my heart for the last several weeks now. Some people are like doorknobs--everybody gets a turn. Not Da River--she ain't no birthday cake. Everybody doesn't get a piece.I know exactly where my heart is right now.
     
  7. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Yes, brotha James is right. You go to Websters and look up the word "cerebral" there's a picture of Da River. That's just how my thoughts flow.

    That's good advice--to stop worrying. I guess worrying about putting on the pressure can be just as stiffling as the pressure. As one wise bear said you just as soon fall flat on your face as bend too far over backwords.
     
  8. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Righteous.

    Without the "need/want" the situation does not present itself. That's God's way of saving you the trouble.
     
  9. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    "Analysis paralysis"
    I'ma lay that on my father (a retired mental health counselor--claims he went into psychiatry because he couldn't afford a psychiatrist) and see what interesting conversation will come up. We get pretty deep sometimes.

    And I might slide over there and tell the family what my major malfunction is.

    But not tonight. I must up at five in the morning so I am going to bed.

    G'nite
     
  10. Sun Ship

    Sun Ship Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Black folks need to always get to the bottom line...

    we use to call it "the paralysis of analysis"...same thing...

    First of all Sister river the term relationship is very broad, even though I think I know what you are getting at, based upon your explanation. I have had a close platonic friendship with a very beautiful and conscious sister for years, regardless of our individual personal relationships over the years; we have always talked very intimately, when necessary. But I always reminded her that we are not buddies. I don’t believe in the buddy concept between Black men and women, as if the sexual component is never present or a reality. Even if I don’t act on the sexual component endowed in my nature, I never see a Black woman outside of her natural sexuality. And I say this respectfully, no matter how intelligent or conscious she is.

    I think this type of nonsexual thinking (basically, “I just see your mind” position) is very unrealistic and can be more problematic among heterosexual close friends than rewarding, in the long term. Black men need their women and Black women need their men on every level. We as a people don’t have time to buddy-around like white folks. If you need a companion, you need to always be honest and realistic with a Black man or woman. I think this buddy concept has done more to thwart Black sexuality and coupling than it has to advance it.

    If you are a women ready for a man in your life, tell the brother what your intentions are and the brother should do the same. Black men and women are made to unite and build, not to buddy. I know it sounds like a contradiction, but I think friendship on a particular level and this “buddy thing” is definitely divided by a thin line that’s very definitive and real. It’s all right to have a female friend, but this “buddy stuff” is sort of hypocritical and for the birds.
     
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