Black Short Stories : weigh your decisions...carefully.

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by baller, Dec 4, 2001.

  1. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Jan 28, 2001
    Likes Received:
    the near north
    +818 / -4

    It was a clear, sunny day. The afternoon breeze had the leaves stirring...saw the birds singing. all morning long, he had sat around...thinking 'bout her...hoping she would see things his way.

    he didn't want her to go...she knew that. But she couldn't change who she was just to be with him. What kinda woman would that make her? How long would their happiness last once her frustration set in...especially when she could not do what she wanted to do because of his objections.

    She knew that they could never be together...not if they were ever to know true happiness.

    He decided that he would go for a drive. He didn't want to be there when she left...couldn't bear to watch her leave. It would be hard enough knowing that they would never again be together.

    As he drove along Pacific Coast Highway, he was so engrossed in his thoughts of her he didn't see the car stopped in the middle of the highway. By the time he did, he was too close to stop. Instinctively, he swerved to avoid a colision. As soon as he did, he realized that he'd made a dreadful mistake.

    His car careened down the hill side. As the ocean rose up to meet him, he wondered if seeing his girlfriend off would have been as bad as this.

    The impact activated the car's restraint system. The exploding air bag momentarily rendered him unconscious. As he regained his sense of what had happened, the air bag--combined with the pressure from the cold water rushing in to fill the compartment--was acting against hasten his departure from the living.

    As he fought to free himself, he wondered if it was even worth it...would he be better off giving into the call of death.

    This notion was quickly dismissed by his love of life. After unstrapping himself from the seatbelt--as well as the air bag that was plastered across his face, he pushed through the area which once held his windshield--that had dislodged upon impact.

    He fought for every inch he could get.

    Once he emerged from the murky waters depths, he was so exhausted he could barely make it to shore. Once there, he lay for a the waves lapped around him.

    Eventually, he pulled himself up the hill that had come so close to taking his life. As he approached the top, he heard a voice asking, "are you alright?" At first, he didn't see her...was beginning to think that, maybe, he hadn't made it afterall...that his body was still resting at the bottom of the ocean.

    When he went to pull himself up the last foot of dirt that stood between him and the safety of flat land, a hand reached for his...offering assistance. As he reached to take the proffered hand, he looked into the face of the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.

    "Could this be heaven," he thought, as he was helped the final way.

    "Are you alright?" the voice asked again.

    Forcing himself to focus, he replied, "I'm fine. Thank you." as he took all five feet ten inches of her into his mental. He could not believe that he was considering himself lucky after almost dying...but this had to be the luckiest day of his life. Standing before him, in all her glory, was a caramel-coated beauty...with a smile to melt the sunrise...and an ocean of brown eyes that he would gladly drown in. Her "Locks" hung just right...about her shoulders. And her breasts..."might I be so bold as to ask if you're married?"

    "Look at you...moments from death's door...but forever the dawg.
    No...I'm not married.
    No...I don't have a man.
    No...I'm not gay.

    Are there anymore questions?"

    "Just one.

    She blushed, sensing his sincerity, and asked if she could call him to the something to help.

    Thinking that he had insulted her, he said that she had done enough. She offered to drive him to the diner at the bottom of the hill. That way, he would at least be near a phone...when he decided what he wanted to do about his car.

    He accepted her offer.

    As they drove, she asked, "what happened?"

    She felt bad because it had been her car in the middle of the highway...that had caused his accident. She had spotted a rare bird--name a specy--and had slammed on her brakes. So excited by her find, she jumped out of the car...leaving it in the middle of the highway. When she turned around, she saw him dodging her car.

    She knew it was her fault...prayed he wasn't injured, or worse.

    At the diner, he asked her why she had asked him what had happened. She explained that he should have seen her car. "After all, it's a very clear day.
    The roads are dry.
    There aren't any traffic on the highway.
    At most, all you had to do was go around my car."

    He looked at her...wondering how she derived at her conclusion. Logically, he knew he should be upset with her...not having an after-wreck snack with the cause of that wreck while his car sprouts roots at the bottom of the ocean. Nonetheless, he knew that he could be held liable for a portion of the accident--in accordance with California law--so, he decided to call his insurance company and tell them that an animal had jumped out in front of him and he'd lost control of his car. But first, he'd report the accident to the police and have his car pulled.

    They talked for quite sometime before he realized that he hadn't thought about his girlfriend since he'd decided that living was better than dying for over a woman who didn't want him.

    "Would you like to go for a walk on the beach?" he asked.

    "I would love to."

    They walked and talked for hours. She told him that she was lonely...and used bird watching as a means to escape her lonely existence...and the four walks that held her prisoner every night. He told her that the love of his life was packing her bags as he spoke...and he wanted to fill that void before it became a gulf the size of the grand canyon.

    When they were done walking, they went to her place, where their verbals quickly turned physical...and they acted on what they had been thinking all afternoon.

    Before returning home, the next afternoon, he called for a rental car.

    When he got home, he found his EX-GIRLFRIEND's car in the garage.

    "She's here!
    I can get my keys before she gets on her way." he thought, as he entered his home.

    "Hello," he said.

    "Hi," she said. "I've decided that I want you more than I want things my way...especially if it means being without you. I know that I've hurt you.
    I didn't mean to.
    All I wanted...well, I don't know what I wanted.
    I now know that I want you...that is, if I still have you.
    Do I still have you, baby?
    Where were you last night?"

    "Baby, I've never lied to you. I'm not about to start now. When I left here, yesterday, I felt that my life was over. I had an accident and slammed my car into the Ocean. While I was under the water, I thought about just staying under. Then I realized that life is precious...and i clawed my way out of my car and out of the water. I crawled up the mountain, where I met the girl of my dreams.

    The bad thing is that, had you not threatened to leave, I would never have known what I was missing. We spent the night together...and were married this morning.



    Always make sure that the ones you love know just how much you love them. If not, you may wake up to find they're no longer there.
  2. epiphany

    epiphany Well-Known Member MEMBER

    United States
    Sep 2, 2001
    Likes Received:
    Raleigh, NC by way of Pittsburgh, Pa.
    +40 / -0

    I'm likin this story Baller,
    has the makins of a good novel...
    truth to this is.....
    everyone deserves a second chance
    when appreciative of what you have together....

    Epiphany :heart:
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    United States
    Mar 21, 2001
    Likes Received:
    BUSINESS owner
    +4,174 / -2
    man Baller u posed a sweet story and i agree dis have
    da makin of a noval fo sho man !!......keep writting i'll
    keep reading .
  4. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

    United States
    May 25, 2001
    Likes Received:
    Spreading Joy.... need some?
    Sixburgh, Pa.
    +220 / -0

    I bet that hurt......
    Enjoyable read.

    Poetically Turn'd Out!
    CCBSKYN :heart:
  5. Black Orpheus

    Black Orpheus Member MEMBER

    Jun 21, 2002
    Likes Received:
    +0 / -0
    Okay...this has a interesting setup. You would have to expand this to make it work. Especially the whole accident scene. It needs tires squeeling, horns blowing. More action and more detail. "...with a smile to melt the sunrise" I'm not sure about that one. Even in a poetic sense, it doesn't read well.

    Here's a interesting and more plausble idea- Why not make the girl, an innocent bystander who witnesses the accident and went down there to see if he was all right while the other driver drives off? This way the girl doesn't sound like a bubble head for leaving her car in the middle of the road.

    The ending has to be expanded because there' no way he could say all that to his Ex and end with and were married this morning. If you want to go this ending the beach girl got mental problems and you should turn this into murder thriller.