Black Relationships : Was i wrong in asking help about the brother calling me?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Auroraflower, Sep 29, 2005.

  1. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi all ....





    Remember i told you about ....

    the brother who said who was going to call me .....
    just to talk to get to know eachother......



    I didnt reseaved a call .......
    i just saw him comming online...
    and he disapeared again...
    i responded that wondered why he didnt called ...
    and said i dont like him running in and out...

    than he said ...
    he didnt called because i putted the whole thing here...?

    he ment with that ...

    asking and sharing wich i do with you because i see you as my family to...
    ( i wasnt planning sharing everything ,and though i do share a lot i dont sharre everything)and no i dont have that much people around me here to share it ..and when i want to share it with them most of them are bussy...

    and building up new relationships with people sisters and friends comes naturally i dont want to force it...

    there is a click there or there is not..





    but as far as i know .....

    i didnt mentioned his name......




    he said ....i prefer no contact...



    you know ....


    right now i am so tired ...

    i wont say sick and tired cause i am not ..
    i am happy...
    it just hurt my soul everytime ...

    that some brothers are acting so strange.....



    actually i told him some brothers doing this al the time and than he said....

    because they are stoopid.......


    well i think he is doing the same thing...


    why dont they ask .....

    or say sumthing..what they feel before they block me of....and starting to act strange.......




















    i think i,m heading back to the ..muppets the birds and the walls.... :wb:





    and i try and i try and i open up ..and they slam and they slam






    well than not....
     
  2. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

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    I can see how/why this brother (whoever he is) would feel this way. Truth be told, I would have felt the same way.

    You said that building relationships should come natural, but it doesn't seem like you allowed this to take place with this brother.

    Taking a brother's phone call doesn't require counseling--certainly not from an entire community.

    Simply use your heart: either give him the opportunity to call, or don't.

    Furhter, I can relate more to this brother's feelings because if he wanted the entire community to know, I'm sure he would've posted his request to call you publicly.

    It likely made him feel untrustworthy, like he was not worth taking a chance on. This is DEFINITELY a feeling that I have experienced time and again with sisters, and I can relate to the hopelessness and inadequacy that such a feeling creates.

    However, if this brother is reading this, my advice to him, is to give the situation another opportunity. If he is a good brother, then he should recognize the good sister in you--lest he would not have requested to call you to start with.

    And to you, Sister AURORA:

    NO MORE PUBLIC BROADCASTS OF YOUR PERSONAL LIFE!!! :hammer:

    It's called "personal" for a reason. :fyi:

    HOTEP
     
  3. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree. I would not continue to persue a woman that has to get advice on whether she should even take my call. I have a thing about women when it comes to asking friends and family about every move she should make. My advice would be to give him some space. Maybe he'll reconsider, but in his defense, I don't blame him. I don't think he's acting stupid at all, because if a woman asks advice on something as simple as a phone call, when will it stop, especially when more complex situations arise? It's all about feeling secure, and I doubt he feels a sense of security right now.
     
  4. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    LibertyLady:

    I would have to agree with both Samurai and Kente417Mojo on this one. I too would question a woman's seriousness (even maturity) if she had to ask for advice on receiving a phone call. However I do understand you have been hurt in the past. Still this is a public forum, and this brother obviously (with reason) felt that you were putting his business out in the street. Next time sister use a private message, that is what they are for. You can also ask for advice in the chat.
     
  5. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks for youre respondings brothers:heart:





    are you saying i am wrong in sharing a a question or a happening or a trouble i have...
    cause i realy asked this question to know what i did wrong and what i can do different ....i realy do i am not ashamed to live and learn but
    i think if it was a brother who was not of this place ...
    i would have been seen different...
    maybe i should have not mention that it was a brother of this place...

    cause other wise..



    that means i would have to leave this place....
    means i could not ask you for advices or help....

    means in i can not even write poems in the future...



    .

    like i said i didnt mention his name...

    why do you put it into maturity ?....Pan and kentemojo ...



    i have seen brothers asking or sharing their problems ...or happenings ...
    and i dont see them as not mature ..."'what is mature actually ....? and when are we mature .....








    does it means that we never make faults ...
    and never learn or have our faults....






    i still see this guy as mature and i see myself as mature to ...


    but i dont see myself as an full grown ......

    untill i die...

    .in my first expression ..
    it didnt put him on a bad spot or sumthing ...
    i was just shoked and overwelmed...



    i didnt put him in my first topic on a bad spot.....




    maybe my second topic...




    well i am sorry....



    i am dissapointed.....


    in that i know and have learned sumthing ...


    and that maybe shows i am not ready for these thing....







    and some people here dont realy understand ....



    i see you as my family ....

    and i have shared a lot trough these years...




    thats why it happend so ....fast that i expressesd...

    there where people here whom i shared my darkest moments with...


    and some people realy dont know what goes on inside and what i went trough..
    except for those who feel and understand...







    just wanted to say that.......




    but thanks brothers for youre respondings ...
    i agree maybe on some things not on everything that you said...
    and i am not the type who denies ......or i dont want to hear the truth "'some say truth hurts .....truth sets you free.....so if it hurts for a moment ....that is ok as long as it helps me to get me to move forward...
    but you could not fully understand me cause you are not standing in shoes
    and there is no one to blame ...




    no one.......





    maybe i need to stop sharing and talking ...and expressing,,,
    maybe yes...
    i will discuss it with my father.......





    i still got love for you broter pan sekemuh and kente





    for everyone ...

    even the brother...







    Loveaurroraflower:heart:
     
  6. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I didn't say anyone was immature. I just said I don't blame him for not wanting to continue persuing a woman that feels the need to ask an entire website if she should take his call, especially if he's a member of that site. It's nothing personal, it's just that in my experiences, women that do that never seem to know when not to share certain aspects of the relationship, so someone is always sticking their 2-cents in where it's not warranted. In a relationship, there should only be two people putting their input in, unless there are serious issues such as abuse etc. If he sees that, you can't blame him for feeling the way he does.
     
  7. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    sorry kente you :( didnt say the mature ...part...


    my fault...
    forgive me for that.....


    it was pan and samunray ..



    Well yes that was my responding than .......


    that i ask not a WHOLE SITE but like i said my family......


    i see you as my family....


    I would respond the same way ......


    CAUSE ITS SUMTHIMES A MIRACLE IF PEOPLE EVEN TALK TO ME... ....

    OR DARE TO MAKE CONTACT.....



    for real...











    Loveauroraflower:heart:
     
  8. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

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    HUH???? :confused:

    I said no such thing, Sis.

    PEACE
     
  9. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    its ok ,ok ...



    leave it leave it.....






    ok i wont say anything ...


    i will not ask anything ....


    i wont express enything...





    it is how it is.....











    never mind peace,...
     
  10. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    LibertyLady:

    I mentioned that if I was in a similar situation I would question the maturity of the person in question. That is not to say I feel you are immature (I really wish you didn't take everything I say to you so personally). It is safe to say, that the brother in question took offense to what happened. Therefore I see no need to tip toe around this question. He took offense and I tried to help you see how he might have viewed your original post. I thought you were looking for understanding. If that it not the case, I'll gladly back out of this thread. I wish you luck in the future.
     
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