Black People : Was I really being selfish

legit-writer

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Dec 12, 2002
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I went to Kansas City not too long ago to visit some people. First, let me give you a back ground of it so it the situation I post will be more clearer:

My aunt is one of them. She my dad's (whom doesn't want anything to do with his children) sister. I was not lucky to grow up with my family. So now that I'm a grown woman, every time I go back there, I hope to run into my biological family members.

Okay, going back to the story, I went up to my aunt's job (she works at a motel) and we talked for a little while. We both agreed and made it clear that we were going to spend some actual quality time together that Saturday or Sunday, such as me going to visit her house before I head back home. Well Saturday came and she said she was on the boat gambling. So I thought "ok that's cool. we have tomorrow to hang out". The next day came, she said she couldn't make or gave me some type of what I felt was a phony excuse of why she can't see me.

I went back home not even getting to spend the time with my aunt that I was hoping to spend. I was hurt but at the same I was kidding with her when I sent her a text, saying "It seems you didn't wanna see me at all" and then I was jokingly said that she "hurt my feelings". She texted me back, saying I am selfish and saying that just because she's an "older woman" doesn't mean she doesn't kick it like I do. Then she went on saying that "if a guy asked you out on a date, you would say yes to him too"... when i didn't even know she went on a date. All I knew was, we had plans to get together.

Like I said earlier, I have not really seen my family since I was a child, and I have been trying to develop relationships with my family. First I tried with my biological father; turns out he doesn't want anything to do with me. Then I tried connecting with my brothers, we were in touch for a short period of time, but they keep vanishing and reappearing. Last I checked, my mom is in her own little world (drugs).

Okay, maybe I got off the main subject. My main question is this: Based on that situation with my aunt, was I really selfish because of what I said? If so, I really need some insight on how, because my side of it is saying that I am just tired of what is supposed to be my family bailing out on folks and acting funny.

Thanks to whoever took the time to read this post.
 
nope....u were on point...who doesn't want to spend time with family members they haven't seen in awhile?
by the response ur aunt gave in ur recollection...she sounded kinda selfish...
i hate to say it but this scenario sounds like there are some deeper issues at hand than making up excuses not to spend time....

i hope things work out....

one love
khasm
 
We both agreed and made it clear that we were going to spend some actual quality time together that Saturday or Sunday, such as me going to visit her house before I head back home.

This part is the crux of the situation. There was a mutual agreement to meet and spend time together, but SHE chose to place other activities before YOU.

She chose to go gambling on Saturday and had, allegedly, accepted a date.

No matter what, SHE chose to do other things with her time rather than see YOU.

So, NO, YOU WERE NOT BEING SELFISH. You spoke with her and you both agreed to spend some time together, but SHE reneged on that agreement.

Whatever she did that weekend, it was more important to her than being with you.

It could be that she was uncomfortable being with you. Maybe she thought you would press her with questions about your father.

I don't know. Just a guess.
 
Her and My Father Don't Talk

This part is the crux of the situation. There was a mutual agreement to meet and spend time together, but SHE chose to place other activities before YOU.

She chose to go gambling on Saturday and had, allegedly, accepted a date.

No matter what, SHE chose to do other things with her time rather than see YOU.

So, NO, YOU WERE NOT BEING SELFISH. You spoke with her and you both agreed to spend some time together, but SHE reneged on that agreement.

Whatever she did that weekend, it was more important to her than being with you.

It could be that she was uncomfortable being with you. Maybe she thought you would press her with questions about your father.

I don't know. Just a guess.

I ran into her a few years ago, and we done already discussed my father. She says she doesn't talk to him anymore because he was acting funny, but the thing is the very same thing she said he's doing, it seems she is doing it herself... We have nothing to talk about as far as my dad, so I hope your statement isn't implying that it's my fault that she doesn't want to see me.
 
I ran into her a few years ago, and we done already discussed my father. She says she doesn't talk to him anymore because he was acting funny, but the thing is the very same thing she said he's doing, it seems she is doing it herself... We have nothing to talk about as far as my dad, so I hope your statement isn't implying that it's my fault that she doesn't want to see me.


No, LW, I was not "implying" anything. I merely posted an observation, and you have dispelled that.

So, you're back at square one. I already said that given the circumstances, it was SHE who was inconsiderate, not you.

But, again, whatever she did that weekend, it was, obviously, more important to her than seeing you, even with an agreement to meet.

IMO, if your father behavior is "acting funny" and your aunt's behavior is as well, perhaps, you are better off without any interaction with that side of your family and further exposure to this, seemingly, "family trait."

Sometimes, you just have to cut your losses and move on.
 

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