Black Relationships : Was I in the wrong?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by intolerant, May 18, 2003.

  1. intolerant

    intolerant Active Member MEMBER

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    This morning, my boyfriend and I have gotten up to take a shower. I took mine's first and he was in the bedroom checking his email, like he always do in the mornings. I flushed the toilet and it was stoppped up. For what reason? I don't even know. So I ended up telling him when I got out that the toilet stopped up. So he said that when he finishes showering that we will go up to the store and buy plunger. I told him that that is fine. I was fixing breakfast, while he was in the shower. He came out and he was irritable. I asked him, why he was acting so irritated. He told me that he was impatient this morning. So I told him that I understand that he is frustrated, because he is looking for a job, trying to claim his unemployment benefits, and other setbacks after another that pisses him off. So I try to give him a little break, by letting the pressure off of him, with maturity and respect. So we went to the store to buy a plunger. There was long lines in the store, but there was an alternative way to check out the items in the store. So I ended up telling him that we can go in the computerized lane to check it out, since it is one item. He kept on acting stubborn, saying that the machine doesn't accept checks. I kept on telling him that it does, because I used the machine more than he does. I was telling him that it is better than making you stand in the lane for twenty minutes just to check out an item.
    So he got mad at me and stomped in the store, that made an embarrassment on me, and he said, "Okay, we will check it out then. I am sick of you jumping in the way." So we checked out the item in the computer lane and it was fast and easy, like I was convincing him. I like technology, and now I found out after two years we have been together that he hates computers, when he was depending on it every day. So he was on the way up the street to get his car inspected. I asked him, "Why were you getting mad at me in the store like that for?" He started acting like he did not care about my feelings, "Do you want to go with me to get the car inspected or do you want to have a personality match?" I told him that all I wanted to know why was he acting like that towards me. He started using reversee psychology on me, saying, "Okay, you want to to fight and argue? We'll just go back home then." So I told him that I do not want to fight. I want to talk. He got mad and started walking away from me. I kept on calling his name and he would not respond back to me. So I got back in the car with him and he started hollering at me, saying that he is tired of me and calling me a stupid fool. So I screamed at him back and he told me to get out of his car and I got out. I had forgotten to get my pursee out of the car and he ended up driving off, halfway dragged down the street and I ended up injuring my knee. The home was ten blocks away and he expected me to walk that far. So I was bleeding on my knee and was crying and screaming. I told the store manager to call the cops. And I was telling the cops the incident and they took me home. And the cop knocked on the door to talk to my boyfriend and they decided to let me in. He told the cops that he is not going to holler at me anymore, and that I can come in. Nothing was going to happen and that he is not going to do any else stupid. So the cops left and he was trying to come near me and I told him not to touch me. And he was telling me that I do not want to cooperate. I was telling him what he did to my knee, when he drove off like that. And he acted like he didn't care. Then the debit card and all of that stuff that was in there was not there, because when he drove off like that, the cards of his ended up falling out of my purse, so he had to issue another card. All he did was put an alcholoic pad on my knee. And he told me that he is not going to do anything else like that, but on the other half, was saying that I baited him into acting that way. So I decided to leave him for a while. The next day, I went to the WalMart to get him a nice card, although I do not feel that I have done anything wrong. He acted like he did not appreciate it. He just sat up there on the computer and acted like he is the king. So here it is a few days later, today is his birthday; I bought him a birthday card, a belt, and a Polo shirt. I have not really been saying anything to him today. I am still hurt from the way he has been treating me. He has blown up at me like that before, and I am still trying to be a good woman to him. He said that he really appreciate it. It is hard to believe it, though. I fixed breakfast this morning for him and everything. I want to know if he deserved what he has gotten from me? Also, I wanted to know if I did something wrong? Please tell me what my next step should be? Should I put up with his bullcrap anymore, or should I let him go? We're engaged.

    Thank you readers
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome welcome welcome !!!

    first let me welcome you to destee's house of love
    welcome from ya friend above
    welcome to da family of peace

    now as i see it he has been acting foolish toward u
    no u didn't do anything wrong
    seem he is hurt and feel less of an man in his jobless acts
    and how he hate computers but he's on one daily
    so it's an outburst of action taken to off set his madness
    to treat you the way he did at the store and
    hold up !!! he left u standing over a mile away from home and drove off ......well sista you don't need that it let's you know he
    really don't care nor love's you just saying it how can he love
    you and leave you like that then get home seeing he hurt you and still he dis you babe it's time to move on you don't need
    that in ya life .........
    no cards nor gift can please this guy he's in a world of
    misguided direction and a bomb ready to blow
    i say if you can work it out do so but if this continue
    you are headed for a rude awaken with much hurt & pain
    why put self through this mess
    he's love is not love just an act of love
    a true lover will comfort you , be their for you ,
    lack of understanding is what i feel here on his part
    time to move forward even if you have to let him go !

    GOODLUCK on this confused mind game ........
    again welcome to destee:) :wave: :wave: :wave:
     
  3. monetg

    monetg Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Intolerant,

    Noone can say whether your actions were right or wrong and regardless of what they were--what's done is done.
    Sometimes men need to be left alone to do things their way. If he wanted to stand in a long line? So what. If he came out of the shower irritated, ask him what's bothering him and then let it go. If he answers, he answers if he doesn't, he doesn't. We women sometimes make everything about us when it's not about us. Just because he was upset--why do you assume you upset him? He sounds like he has alot on his mind right now and needs some space. That doesn't mean he doesn't love or need you--it just means that he has some issues he needs to work out on his own.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    yes this be true but even if one is upset / has issues or irritated
    one should not have driven to let self mate on the street
    this was out of place and bad action on anyone's part to do such

    i agree with you here but he was wrong for treating her this way
    i feel some space is needed to work out the problem
    but she also can help him in his time of need as well
    let ya gentle heart guide u and show you the way
    in this cross mix emotion .....
     
  5. monetg

    monetg Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am not condoning his behavior but my point is/was that things don't have to escalate to the point of physicality if sometimes we chose our battles better. Rather than badgering him into admitting what's wrong--just chill and let him come to you and tell you what's wrong when he's ready. Sometimes asking someone the same question repeatedly when it's obvious they don't want to talk creates more hostility and anger needlessly.............
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    yes indeed ur so correct .......I hope they work it out
    indeed a little pushy and forceful but ova all both cross
    da line a bit
    i agree no reason for him to leave her on the street
    that was a low blow on his part

    do he really care
    her action said she do but do he care
    hummmmmmmmmm!
    only the heart of this man knowz
    she will have to find out deep within
    depart for a while would be best to work out the problem.
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Thankz keme .......i see her point clearly
    it was wrong for her boyfriend to leave her on the street
    like he did putting her out the car in all if he loved her in heart
    he would not have done such no matter how mad he was or
    confussed is all i'm saying
    i wish her all the luck on this mixed up Relationship!
     
  8. Was it Just us

    Was it Just us Member MEMBER

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    I want to say that if your relationship is important to you don't let anyone stop you from what you think is for you, because no one knows better then you. what worries me in this is that it's a lot of anger coming from your boyfriend. He's for some reason putting a wall up between the two of you. All the love in the world from you won't help him if he doesn't first love himself. Sometimes we get out of touch with ourselves and loose sight of reality. He needs to go back to when the anger came and what was the onset of it. This is much deeper then a plunger or technology and we know that. Sit down with him in a comfortable setting and discuss what is going on and listen with your ears and your heart. Sometimes men express themselves to us and we don't hear it becasue it wasn't verbally said. Watch his body actions, listen to his words, and repeat what he said to you in your words for clarity. He needs to know that he is important becasue the things that validates a man he's not doing right now. All men who are men, want to work to be a provider. God made them the head so they have to lead it's in their make up. Before doing any of this pray about it and you'll do fine. Be Blessed.:heart:
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    u sumed it up well i agree
     
  10. NADIA*BINTA

    NADIA*BINTA Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    NAW... i don't think you were wrong... i think that maybe your man has a whole lot on his mind or whatever... but **** near dragging you down the street!!!???... i don't know about that one!.:( ... has he ever put his hands on you??.. if he hasn't yet... watch out sistah... please watch out...

    peace
     
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