Black Poetry : Wanna Be Down

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by rhymebad, Mar 10, 2011.

  1. rhymebad

    rhymebad Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wanna Be Down

    lyrics hard like a flat piece of material designed for me
    to feast with lyrical plates, miracle fate a bizarre spree
    like Harry Potter my magic a tragic I marry hotter girls
    I meet at clubs computer prevail like a neutered male hurls
    Love talk but shooting blanks, some of these cats don’t twirl
    MC stats names whack must came in contact with Mickey
    Mice, need new stuff for college enough garbage its tricky
    Connection or interaction and perfection is satisfaction hickie
    From kissing, look outrageous with MC’S like a contagious
    Disease rejected practice now infected with whackness page us
    For advice ost these dudes been trash and now I have a skin rash
    Need lotion in my facial potion, flow best when there’s fast
    Protest in HIPHOP, for society a variety is a normal reach start
    To make a formal speech, my vapors are devastation so I mark
    Papers for destination so I address letters because they impress
    Better, can’t trust this game, must adjust and aim for success
    Comes to rhyme flow tons alone as for replies no one at home
    Convinced in America a sequence of characters on cell phones
    Don’t rhyme very well, look I dispatch ships and latch script
    On decks, I’ll begin domination while in a conversation grip
    A mug of bud and get a hug in the club now I’m a thug in tims
    And above the rim like inflated tires with educated desires on film
    Brisk and renowned like my homey Chris Brown sweaty and ready
    To make a movie, take it groovy but need TWISTA bring the confetti
    And BLISTA this piece right here make it tight and sincere in here
    Rap laws magnificent they cause things to be different and clear
     
  2. rhymebad

    rhymebad Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wanna Be Down

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    Wanna Be Down
    lyrics hard like a flat piece of material designed for me
    to feast with lyrical plates, miracle fate a bizarre spree
    like Harry Potter my magic a tragic I marry hotter girls
    I meet at clubs computer prevail like a neutered male hurls
    Love talk but shooting blanks, some of these cats don’t twirl
    MC stats names whack must came in contact with Mickey
    Mice, need new stuff for college enough garbage its tricky
    Connection or interaction and perfection is satisfaction hickie
    From kissing, look outrageous with MC’S like a contagious
    Disease rejected practice now infected with whackness page us
    For advice ost these dudes been trash and now I have a skin rash
    Need lotion in my facial potion, flow best when there’s fast
    Protest in HIPHOP, for society a variety is a normal reach start
    To make a formal speech, my vapors are devastation so I mark
    Papers for destination so I address letters because they impress
    Better, can’t trust this game, must adjust and aim for success
    Comes to rhyme flow tons alone as for replies no one at home
    Convinced in America a sequence of characters on cell phones
    Don’t rhyme very well, look I dispatch ships and latch script
    On decks, I’ll begin domination while in a conversation grip
    A mug of bud and get a hug in the club now I’m a thug in tims
    And above the rim like inflated tires with educated desires on film
    Brisk and renowned like my homey Chris Brown sweaty and ready
    To make a movie, take it groovy but need TWISTA bring the confetti
    And BLISTA this piece right here make it tight and sincere in here
    Rap laws magnificent they cause things to be different but clear




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    Yesterday, 04:46 AM #2
    J Phlame

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    Re: Wanna Be Down

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    Good **** fam.
    Nice metaphors and great vocab. keep this **** up.


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    Yesterday, 05:53 AM #3
    YM-WeedHead

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    Re: Wanna Be Down

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    Liked this a lot had a lot of good choice of words
    Loved the read thank you for sharing this i enjoyed it
    Keep it up man.

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    Re: Wanna Be Down

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    Quote:
    lyrics hard like a flat piece of material designed for me
    to feast with lyrical plates, miracle fate a bizarre spree
    like Harry Potter my magic a tragic I marry hotter girls
    I meet at clubs computer prevail like a neutered male hurls
    Love talk but shooting blanks, some of these cats don’t twirl

    not a bad start I though it was gonna be boting but .. the flow, in-rhymes and similes really is great.. I like almost everything about this barz but imagination fail so did the emotion.. I think could do better with the image getting painted.

    Quote:
    MC stats names whack must came in contact with Mickey
    Mice, need new stuff for college enough garbage its tricky
    Connection or interaction and perfection is satisfaction hickie
    From kissing, look outrageous with MC’S like a contagious
    Disease rejected practice now infected with whackness page us
    For advice ost these dudes been trash and now I have a skin rash
    Need lotion in my facial potion, flow best when there’s fast
    Protest in HIPHOP, for society a variety is a normal reach start
    To make a formal speech, my vapors are devastation so I mark
    Papers for destination so I address letters because they impress
    Better, can’t trust this game, must adjust and aim for success

    I like the use of the in-rhymes ya have.. it's almost everywhere to make the flow solid as it can be... I dont like the use of multis.. why because it is boring.. you can get better multis if ya have so much good in-rhymes... similes use aint bad either but could use a bit of help into imagination....

    Quote:
    Comes to rhyme flow tons alone as for replies no one at home
    Convinced in America a sequence of characters on cell phones
    Don’t rhyme very well, look I dispatch ships and latch script
    On decks, I’ll begin domination while in a conversation grip
    A mug of bud and get a hug in the club now I’m a thug in tims
    And above the rim like inflated tires with educated desires on film
    Brisk and renowned like my homey Chris Brown sweaty and ready
    To make a movie, take it groovy but need TWISTA bring the confetti
    And BLISTA this piece right here make it tight and sincere in here
    Rap laws magnificent they cause things to be different but clear

    Not much to say here cuz it is basically the same as the above feeds.. and again nice use of rhyme scheme....

    OVERALL: this peace is good.. nice flow and use of similes but the content feels little bit off.. anyway the imagintion and emotion can use lots of help for improvement.. also do the multis... I like reading this peace nice drop... keep it up taylor....
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