Black Poetry : ...Vision...(revised)

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by LovelyGoldenOne, Dec 13, 2005.

  1. LovelyGoldenOne

    LovelyGoldenOne Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    this is a poem that my ex and i wrote today...we are still good friends and we both enjoy writing...he asked me to expand on his poem and we kept going back and forth...just wanted to see what ya'll thought...

    we added two more verses...


    Devin:
    Visions of you stay on my mind
    I can't seem to stop thinking about you
    And everything that you consist of.
    You really do seem to have a hold on me
    And there are so many aspects that strengthen that grip
    I know that we haven't known each other long
    And really don't know each other all that well
    But it seems to me when we speak
    That we have been doing so a majority
    Of our lives.
    Is it infatuation?
    Or is just the desire
    That I posses in me
    To get to know you.
    There really is no telling
    But I am going to do everything in my power
    To find out what it is.
    I can't seem to stop thinking about your smile.

    Me:
    I have this vision of your smile inside my eyes
    A picture of you sketched in my mind
    At times I want to explore and other times I don't
    Because it scares me how I'm wanting you so much
    So is this desire or is it an untrained love
    That makes me want to drown inside of
    This unknown feeling that frequently tugs
    At my heart
    And at my mind
    At my soul
    You ease my mind
    A vision of you only with me
    Could this be true or just simple fantasy?

    Devin:
    Or could it be a reality
    That I am afraid to accept as being just that.
    You complete me.
    You compliment me
    You sooth me in a way that
    That no one else has ever been able to
    Your eyes,and your smile.
    The shape and feel of your body
    When next to mines
    We are one

    Me:
    Completeness is something hard to reach
    Unattainable, thats what I used to think
    But lately you have this hold on my thoughts
    I'm so confused but more fascinated as I walk
    Into this concept of what I think is love
    Or maybe I know its love but it frightening cause
    I've loved before and hurt before
    But its so clear that I can't ignore
    How you against me is so much more
    It's not fantasy, cuz I'm wanting more

    Devin:
    My visions seem like a fantasy
    Or a tale, but when you are beside me
    I have no choice but to know that you are so very real.
    Just as real as the feelings
    That we share
    Just as two divide into two is one
    I seem to realize that you are my other half.
    So then I start to do the math.
    And it seems to added up correctly whenever
    I see us as being one.
    Which I must admit
    Is frightening because it is so undeniable.
    And fear is something that is imbedded in the unknown.
    And love is an unknown of its own.

    Me:
    I've sat and sat and tried to understand
    Why when i try to let you go you come back in and
    Give me more sensuality than I ever imagined
    Its like magic when I'm being surrounded
    By you
    with you
    on you
    makes me miss you
    Makes me scared to think one day you could just go
    But at the same time love is meant to know and let go
    I've tried to make this vision leave
    Guarding my heart so I don't have to grieve
    If this, if we...
    I don't even want to think
    So I'll take this how it is, and hold on to you
    Never had a vision like this, being with you...

    Devin:
    Never have these visions crossed my mind
    Never have my feeling
    My emotions
    Been so strong for one
    After the past
    I thought that my feelings couldn't get
    Any stronger for any one human being.
    Then I had this vision of you
    Or is it reality
    I am still trying to distinguish between the two
    And it has been at least 2 years time
    Sense you first walked into my life.
    And even before that
    You had a indescribable hold on me

    Me:
    A future is just the past that can be redone
    And ever since I felt your lips on mine its like we became one
    from the tears we've shed to the look in our eyes
    from the words we've said that i wish hadn't come alive
    thinking back to the beginning of us i had this vision
    from the first day we spoke I felt this connection
    a connection thats scary and risky all at one time
    but makes me want to stick around and keep you mine
    keep this vision
    you and me
    inside a true
    fantasy
    through ups and downs ill still believe
    that fantasies become reality
    as real as the feeling of you connected in me
    as real as i needing you to complete me...
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    awe this was very nicely done y'all had it going on
    i enjoyed it much y'all need to create more poetic vibes
    and mix lines to canvas more often .............................
     
  3. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What a great collaboration, one group of verses just flowed so smoothly into the next. Enjoyed the way the two of you spoke about describing the indescribable. Flow on.
     
  4. LovelyGoldenOne

    LovelyGoldenOne Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    awwww thanks rich:)
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    likewise LovelyG y'all are great together in verse
     
  6. LovelyGoldenOne

    LovelyGoldenOne Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks for the comments watz:)
     
  7. Tantrum

    Tantrum Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is so well done poet
    Nice too see you are still able to work together
    And create this type of magic
    Nice flow poet
     
  8. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Awwww....... you sure y'all are over totally? Cause I feel the love all through that post. Just... Awwww.......
     
  9. LovelyGoldenOne

    LovelyGoldenOne Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks for the comments everybody...there may still be something there toylin :)...
     
  10. Sweet baby_face

    Sweet baby_face Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I second the emotion.
    But this is so pretty
    and....Awwwwww.
     
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