Black People : VERBAL ASSAULTS BY WOMEN - SHOULD MEN JUST WALK AWAY ALL THE TIME?

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by EL PAPI LEANDO, Apr 14, 2007.

  1. EL PAPI LEANDO

    EL PAPI LEANDO Banned MEMBER

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    I have heard it said by both men and women, that a man should just walk away from a woman when "she is on a roll"(to use Richard Pryor's phrase)but I have lately begun to rethink that position based on my studies of human psychology. I realize that words are actually far more profoundly felt and remembered than blows.

    That is clearly because in sensory terms, we are not only hearing words,(which are vibrations anyway), we are also feeling them. This is why years after we have been verbally assaulted by a parent, a teacher, boss, or marine drill instructor we can relive the pain as though it were happening all over again. I think the power of a verbal assault is lost on most of us, because nobody has to go to the hospital after one of those. You might feel very angered and belittled and humiliated, but no one has to call the cops or an ambulance...maybe later, but not tonight.:peace:

    But, an assault is an assault is an assault, and noone should require a man or woman to sit and endure an assault. My personal philosophy would be to determine whether I am involved with a sister who deals with her anger by screaming or reason. If she's a screamer, I got to know that it aint going to work, and when I walk out, I probably need to just keep on stepping. Anyone have any thoughts or personal experiences along these lines.
     
  2. oldiesman

    oldiesman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    verbal assaults...

    i love black women.....but sisters when y'all get mad and that mouth gets to working,look out cause satan couldn't stay in the same house with you when that eruption starts[i married the QUEEN of verbal abuse]my advice to you my brother is when she gets it going take a walk[she'll cool down]but if she's always on you about this an that then it might be wise to take a long look at the relationship[oh and as for the QUEEN,hehe..we always kiss and make up].
     
  3. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hotep EL PAPI...

    Word, Sound IS Power and the Power to hurt and destroy self-esteem is in that thing the Natives termed "forked tongue".

    Not only have I expereinced and continue to heal from verbal assaults by a "mother's tongue", the same holds true when men speak in verbally assaultive ways.
    Verbal Assaults have more to do with just tone. The chosen words..."your crazy", 'your just a good f**k", or "your......"(fill in the blank) provides positive reinforcement for all the other things thats 'wrong' with a person...and continues the process of wearing and tearing on the Spirit.
    Silence is also a form of verbal abuse. When someone is attempting to engage in a dialogue and the other person sits in silence, they are sending very clear messages...."I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HEARING OR TALKING WITH YOU ABOUT THAT THING". Rather then simply express this directly, folk will either walk away without comment, or sit in silence or even change the subject without regard for the other person. This is dis~respectful in that, the person is not willing or able to "see" (spectacle) the other or Hear their thoughts/feelings. That Hurts and this hurt is typically expressed as anger,....cause anger is the surface feeling and the one which has been deemed socially exceptable...as long has its managed in a particular way.

    That's all for now...
    Thanks for sharing and for this most useful topic for discussion....and..
    Thanks for allowing me to share
     
  4. EL PAPI LEANDO

    EL PAPI LEANDO Banned MEMBER

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    TRUE-TO-THE-CAUSE, I agree with you that men should also not verbally abuse women. Let me say that off the top.

    The problem is that men are told that under no circumstances should there be an agressive response to verbal aggressions against them. We are told we should take an entirely passive approach and hope for the best. We are told to walk away, and if necessary, keep on walking until she calms down. I don't think it sends the right message to women, that there really isn't a place in a relationship for ANY kind of abuse, neither physical nor verbal. This is probably a novel concept to most of us.
     
  5. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hotep EL PAPI....

    Thank you for response!. This helps me overstand much about what some of the barriers are to our I/Unity.
     
  6. anAfrican

    anAfrican Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yet another example of "internalized oppression": the destabilisation of the African Nation.

    It ain't the Sisters we mad at/about with "assaults" on their "naturalness", their strength; it ain't those folks that, for some reason related to the state of "education" in this society, are stuck out there in them streets "making ends meet" in any way that they can that we only seem able to deride and denigrate ... usually sooner, faster and harder than anyone else; it ain't that Brother or Sister that has a different viewpoint that causes us to waste the opportunity to share wisdom by growing to new mutual understandings ...

    But because we have been conditioned to "under no circumstances should there be an agressive response to verbal aggressions against them. We are told we should take an entirely passive approach and hope for the best.", we don't "take it out on" those whom would be most deserving!

    Again, it ain't our Sisters at the root of this! Nor should they, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, BY ANY MEANS have as much "appearance" to be so as seems to be demonstrated by entirely too many "conversations" on this site!!!
     
  7. IfUComeSoftly

    IfUComeSoftly Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i try to walk away when i feel the need to raise my voice in anger. in my experience i will say the most vindictive, spiteful, hurtful, ungodly things when my 'feelings' are hurt. what works best for me is a little breathing, thinking time; i need time to cool out. it's normally only about 20 minutes; however, it can be as much as a couple of days--depending on the offense, problem, or situation.

    i don't know who started that malicious lie, "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me," should be shot! names hurt like the dickens. the most angry i've ever been has been b/c of some verbal assault. in return the most ashamed i've been of myself has not come from my actions but from my words... that's why when i lash out my weapon of choice has been words.

    personality wise i'm a pleaser. i don't like to cause commotion so i normally do not say much. it takes a lot to anger me. however when i am angry... please give me at least 5 minutes to cool out.. .and then, king, we can talk respectfully and productively

    but back to the topic at hand... i can get a bit carried away at times... this is a rarity.
     
  8. Riada

    Riada Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Of course a man should NOT tolerate a woman verbally assaulting him in an intimate relationship. Bro, this is just a no-brainer and this needs to be established at the outset with any woman. An intimate relationship is supposed to be a SAFE place. No kind of assault should be tolerated in an intimate relationship. Period.
     
  9. Goddess Auset333

    Goddess Auset333 Banned MEMBER

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    Beloved Once Divine People of the Perfect Black Night:

    When we are in our Divine mind-set, where harmony, Balance, and Order resides if we allow it to live in our minds, we will never resort to being imbalance, unharmonized, out of order.

    The word PAUSE still exist, and when we react on impulse we are less than animals who do act on their impluses. We are suppose to be masters of out thought mind, and not slaves.

    So the question is now: Who is it among us (mind-set) is causing this confusion? The Author of confusion is causing the confusion.

    When we know who is the author of confusion, we will know that it is not the Divine God in our thoughts.

    I read a Proverbs that says: It is better for a man to sleep on the roof top rather than hear the mouth of a nagging female. A renegade mouth has no set boundaries as to what come out of it and its behavior and conduct, because it is a Only human being speaking. A renegade mouth will curse and run up against the SUN and the elements in the sky does not do that. So we must guard and keep our tongues in Basic training, remedial awareness, because if we do not we will show others we wiggle a tongue from a mouth, from a mind-set that is still in captivity/slavery.

    Our tongue has the power to build up or tear down, and if we are using it to build up we workers of iniquities (evil). No rightness king own is with confusion.

    HILY/A

    goddess isis

    TEACHING THE FEMALES HOW TO TEACH THE MALES TO GET ALONG WITH US
     
  10. uplift19

    uplift19 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree. If two people have love and respect for each other this should not occur. Respect is of the utmost importance in a relationship, because when respect is low or non-existent a person will start to disrespect you verbally and through their actions.
     
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