Black Poetry : Vandalism...a work in progress...

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by story, Aug 22, 2002.

  1. story

    story Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    this is what I have so far...it just came to me...

    "start"

    When I look in the mirror
    I see that I've been vandalized
    A spray painted tear stained face
    Barred---scarred
    From the lies that I heard from you

    You see, the windows to the soul inside my physical shell are broken
    Because they keep leaking
    Streaking, a mist of pain on my face


    When I try to stand up straight
    I feel that I've been vandalized
    My ribs are bruised, nearly cracked
    From the insatiable banging of my heart
    She was trying to leave me, my own heart...she would rather leave because she couldn't take another heartbreak...

    Another heartbreak may lead to a heart attack...of my own heart against me....

    When I try to listen to the sweet song of silence
    I hear yelling, screaching, pounding, NOISE...everything you ever told me was distorted truth...noise....


    "end"
    for now....what do you guys think???
     
  2. blakverb

    blakverb Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That's a tight beginning...very descriptive of the topic...it looks good...I'm waiting for the finished piece. So far it's nice...

    blak
     
  3. shaz

    shaz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What do we think?
    I loved it
    It is so wonderfully descriptive
    Sometimes when I read the linier nature of reading causes me to loose focus but with a descriptive verse like this I can just gobble it up and I am there
    Waiting for more
     
  4. story

    story Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    blak....shaz....Thanks...I will touch up on it more!
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    simply beautiful da insight of a master piece bring on da rest
     
  6. story

    story Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks Rich....working on it!
     
  7. Reason

    Reason Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Oh Yeah

    Im definitely looking forward to the finished product!!!

    Reas
     
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