Black People : Us and our boys..(and girls).

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by skuderjaymes, Dec 5, 2009.

  1. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    I'd like to open up a dialogue between us and our boys. To introduce some
    ideas to compete with that music and that American dream bull**** they
    teach in school.. About life and women and relationships and sex and love
    and how to fight and when to fight.. get away from all of that politically
    correctness and politeness and get down to the real things they need to
    know to survive and excel in this system.. I want to introduce an education
    that includes a deeper understanding of Art, of Film, of literature, of Human
    Nature.. of Sexuality.. of Race.. of War.. of Law.. of Science, of Religion.. of
    medicine.. of psychology.. of Love.. of language and why it's necessary to
    always attach their language to concrete things.. I want to cover All the
    stuff that have been purposely withheld in order to be sold to us later..

    And I want to skip all that political rhetoric and correctness imposed by out
    of context ideas of race, gender and equality, capitalism and democracy..
    etc.. and get down to the meat of existence.. send them off into the world
    with no illusions.. none. Not one. Life is hard, you have to be prepared and
    alert to live well. And the Love thing is probably the biggest topic.. how to
    relate to women without becoming consumed by feelings for women.
    Sex is intoxicating and can become an obsession really easily.. I know a lot
    of dudes that live in a way that suggests that life is about meeting
    women and having as much sex as possible.. they spend every waking
    moment chasing that sexual high.. you know.. just permanently
    preoccupied.. and they don't understand how that holds them back from
    their true potential.. I tell my younger cousins "just get one".. try and get
    the right one, but don't spend all your time in the store." I know its a
    crude analogy, but it does it's job. As men, we have other things to think about and to do.. to build..


    thoughts?.. ideas? .. observations?
     
  2. blkbutterfly41

    blkbutterfly41 Banned MEMBER

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    I saw this days ago and refrain from posting as I knew you was speaking to black men about black men.

    Though I hoped that this would be at least 15 pages and was looking forward to returning to browse and gain insight. But however, by the lack of responses I can't tell you what it says to me. But I'm dissapointted to say the least.

    If you decide to open the door to women , let a sister know. I am not a man but I have sons , a father, a man and brothers. Perhaps my imput will be a little worthy. However i acknowledge not as worthy as the brothers.

    Truly an awesome thread.

    It's a shame because "The hate the whity" thread took off. And other negative subjects seem to have more of an audience and participation.

    Much love to you , As always, :em2300: Peace

     
  3. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    Miss Butterfly.. You know, I been thinking about the best way to answer
    this, and I think it comes down to: This post was really just a stream of
    consciousness type thing where I shared a bunch of ideas.. those questions
    at the bottom are kind of out of place because they are the questions that
    are implied in every single post to a public board.. When I'm shooting for
    responses, I ask direct and clear questions.. I really just wanted to share..
    and if anybody had anything to add, that would of been cool too.. but, I
    would hate to have this act of sharing turned into a weapon to be used
    against the folks I intended to share it with.. and because I know you, I know
    that wasn't your intention, but that is, in my opinion, the effect of your comments.

    All of that aside...

    Please feel free to jump in to anything I post whenever you feel the urge..
    This post is about our boys.. yours and mine.. I am really interested to hear
    a mother's perspective on these things I have so sloppily dumped on this
    forum.. As long as we all are speaking from our own positions, we can talk
    freely about anything.. it's only when we cross the boundaries and begin to
    tell each other how to be what we have absolutely no experience being that
    it becomes a problem. It would be great if we could just share our perspectives
    in the same way we did on that "what does this picture say" thread.. where
    everybody adds something without imposing anything. I don't know if I'm
    being clear.. but I'm sure you'll let me know if I'm not.. :)

    peace.
     
  4. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    Fathers, please, hug your sons.

    Boys also need that physical manifestation of love. They need some balance between being expected to be all things masculine, between being groomed to be the young MEN we train them to be through parenting and mentoring.

    When I was in the classroom, I had several of my Jr and Sr boys who would, before class, after class and even between classes, run up to me and HUG me.

    I mean, a big BEAR HUG from big-ol' football and basketball boys. They ALWAYS initiated these hugs.....At the bell between classes, teachers must stand at their door or in the hallway....And these boys would BUM-RUSH me between classes with a bear-hug! (lol)

    At first, I would push them away, try to avoid them, and even RUN! (lol)

    But, I soon realized that there was nothing inappropriate about these hugs. And they weren't trying to get a feel off the teacher. (lol)

    I realized these boys just wanted/needed a HUG and that was their way of playing it off without seeming "soft." ----So, then I started "playing" along and would lightly fake my exasperation with them, all-the-while allowing them to HUG me because I thought to myself, "They must not get any hugs at home." :?:

    So, while they and other students laughed at me for trying, but not really trying, to fight them off, they got their HUG-for-the-day and me and my 5 foot/4 inch self got slightly SMUSHED by some 6 foot-plus boys. (lol)

    And those same boys woulda beat another student down if they got outta line with me. ----They were very protective of me and I would have to talk them DOWN so they wouldn't get sent to the office for intervening in something else.

    So, fathers, please, HUG YOUR SONS.

    They need them too.
     
  5. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    little sidebar off topic?

    This is one hallmark of sharing in 12 step programs and what accounts in part, for it's "success". No "cross talk" , listening and learning from each other.

    M.E.
    :hearts2:
     
  6. blkbutterfly41

    blkbutterfly41 Banned MEMBER

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    You are clear as always and I always know your loving tone , brother and dear friend.

    I can only share the hardest things I ever had to do in life !!

    I too was naive to the woes of the black man...................

    Until I had a son.

    The many nights of lost sleep , crying, praying , When he went to a school dances, or got caught driving while black in those teen age years. And many nights his father had to explain to me , this is nothing new, as a black men he already knew what young black boys would have to walk through.

    I pondered and worried what lessons do I teach and preach ?

    The police is your friend, yet take the badge number and call home if your stopped ?? Conflicting messages that I couldn't even understand. I can see from a distance and not by walking in those shoes myself.

    I think the hardest thing I ever had to do was simply step aside, and entrust my baby in the hands of his father, my brothers and my dad.

    My message is , We need our beautiful black men !!!

    My son is 26 years old and made it through those hard years, because of men that was deeply involved in every stage of his life.

    We was blessed , So thats what we pass on.

    Mentor, please black man mentor !! Too many of our young boys don't have that guidance and men know better then anybody that black boys walking, too many don't make it..........to be a black man.


    love and peace to all

     
  7. A007

    A007 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    To remove all of the illusions we must teach above all else CRITICAL THINKING.

    I have 4 Boys! 11 thru 16. If they have been well trained in the abilities of critical thinking and this is coupled with self-control, discipline and love I need not worry about any illusions destroying who they are.
     
  8. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    Good point.. I have two boys myself.. 9 & 11.. and a Daughter 2. And I agree,
    about the illusion thing.. I'm up front with my boys about the meaning of things.
    They know there's not fat jolly white man flying around giving out presents, and
    that rabbits don't lay eggs and that Pirates and vampires and CSI cops are
    not cool. I pulled their coat-tails to all of those things long ago.. and they can
    recognize when someone is trying to run a game on them.. including a teacher.
    They don't live in front of the TV, The computer or and video game console..
    or even any book.. too much of that is also an issue. The are both happy
    well-adjusted and top students, good athletes, good writers and good
    speakers, good musicians.. My oldest wants to be a Doctor, My youngest
    wants to be a Dentist.. I just want both to be happy well-adjusted adults.

    I have replaced the meaningless social rituals with meaningful family rituals...
    so we don't buy halloween costumes or hundreds of dollars in christmas
    gifts. We put a premium on making things for each other.. I don't want them
    to get confused about what money is for.. or what money is supposed to do.
    It's a struggle, but so far, I think I'm winning.. My daughter on the other
    hand, is not going outside until she's 35.. because if she so much as stubs
    her toe, I'm going after the sidewalk with a sledgehammer.. I am really really
    unprepared as a father of a daughter.. I'm hoping we can get through her
    childhood without her hating me too much.. we'll see.

    anyway.. I almost forgot what I was going to say.. bragging about my kids..
    but.. I'm putting together the ideas for how I'm going to explain white-supremacy
    to my oldest. He's ready mentally to begin the process of discovery. I plan
    to begin in June. In the mean time, I'm getting my thoughts, strategies and
    materials together to lead him on this journey through time..
     
  9. Corvo

    Corvo navigator of live MEMBER

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    I like the idea of this tread, raising our boys realistically, without the common western illusions would be great to discuss. This country like so many lack respect for it’s women, and that is thought to our young men. The media is a big problem in this nation in misleading youth on how to treat and respect their own life’s and those of the opposite gender! Some Rap music has not helped either.

    Even to this day, I can hear my mother telling me, that if she ever knows of me striking my wife, that she will come and whip me, even if I have a beard down to my knees. This is one thing I tell my son, and add that only cowards strike women!
     
  10. Corvo

    Corvo navigator of live MEMBER

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    Great post, I hear you man!

    I have three children, girl, boy, girl. 12,8, 5.
     
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