Black Poetry : Unwanted Bi-racial baby

blackchynadoll

Member
REGISTERED MEMBER
Jun 23, 2003
15
0
Brooklyn, New York
Occupation
student
I hate...no I despise
being black and chinese
I look in the mirror
at my curly light brown hair
my chinese eyes and brown skin
I'm sick of the stairs
You can stop questioning and wondering
Yeah.Unfortunatley I'm a bi-racial baby
So ashamed of who I am
Not of who I am
But what I am
Grandma down south doesen't except me
ever since I was three, made me sit on the
front porch at family gatherings
Father won't take me to his homeland
Because of my permanent "tan"
Can't mess up the flow of Chinese
with my "blackness" so grandmother
and grandfather can't know about me
Mama claims she excepts me
Because I'm her creation
People walk up to me "Are you mixed with Chinese?"
All you see on Mama's face is aggrivation
Yet she "accepts" me
I got accepted to modeling school
Checked African-American and Chinese in the box
Mama crossed out Chinese, i'm no fool
She don't accept me
I should of been aborted
I'm sick of being tormented
Can't even lie and pick one race
Cause as soon as you look in my face
You know theirs more than one nationality there
I didn't ask to be in this world
especially didn't ask to be a
Black and Chinese girl
Momma, Father you two created me
and your'e both ashamed of who I am
What were you thinking the day I was concieved?
That, I will never understand
People, strangers, friends of the "family" say "your'e so beautiful"
the only beauty I have is on the outside
none inside of me to be truthful
Misery is my only company
Today I realied, Death won't reject me
but only accept me
Sometimes I pretend this is all just a dream
and you'll all accept i'm Black AND Chinese
one without the other just isn't me
But I'm aware of the painful reality
So i'm leaving my body
and hopefully you'll learn to love my spirit and my memory
because as much as I want to; I cannot proceed


I wrote this poem 2 years ago when I just couldn't take it any more.
 
I'm Black AND Chinese
one without the other just isn't me -

you said it all and seeing that this was written 2 years ago tells me there was something inside of you then, that wouldn't let go of the truth...that you are beautiful inside and out and the important thing is that you know this for yourself. Felt your flow.
 

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