Black Poetry : Unwanted Bi-racial baby

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by blackchynadoll, Jun 24, 2003.

  1. blackchynadoll

    blackchynadoll Member MEMBER

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    I hate...no I despise
    being black and chinese
    I look in the mirror
    at my curly light brown hair
    my chinese eyes and brown skin
    I'm sick of the stairs
    You can stop questioning and wondering
    Yeah.Unfortunatley I'm a bi-racial baby
    So ashamed of who I am
    Not of who I am
    But what I am
    Grandma down south doesen't except me
    ever since I was three, made me sit on the
    front porch at family gatherings
    Father won't take me to his homeland
    Because of my permanent "tan"
    Can't mess up the flow of Chinese
    with my "blackness" so grandmother
    and grandfather can't know about me
    Mama claims she excepts me
    Because I'm her creation
    People walk up to me "Are you mixed with Chinese?"
    All you see on Mama's face is aggrivation
    Yet she "accepts" me
    I got accepted to modeling school
    Checked African-American and Chinese in the box
    Mama crossed out Chinese, i'm no fool
    She don't accept me
    I should of been aborted
    I'm sick of being tormented
    Can't even lie and pick one race
    Cause as soon as you look in my face
    You know theirs more than one nationality there
    I didn't ask to be in this world
    especially didn't ask to be a
    Black and Chinese girl
    Momma, Father you two created me
    and your'e both ashamed of who I am
    What were you thinking the day I was concieved?
    That, I will never understand
    People, strangers, friends of the "family" say "your'e so beautiful"
    the only beauty I have is on the outside
    none inside of me to be truthful
    Misery is my only company
    Today I realied, Death won't reject me
    but only accept me
    Sometimes I pretend this is all just a dream
    and you'll all accept i'm Black AND Chinese
    one without the other just isn't me
    But I'm aware of the painful reality
    So i'm leaving my body
    and hopefully you'll learn to love my spirit and my memory
    because as much as I want to; I cannot proceed


    I wrote this poem 2 years ago when I just couldn't take it any more.
     
  2. Bluewater

    Bluewater Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi There..this is a nice flow. ....I feel where you coming from..2 years a flower grow..and wisdom cames with it you "accepts" who you are...thas what count..nice flow
     
  3. angelicsage

    angelicsage Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm Black AND Chinese
    one without the other just isn't me -

    you said it all and seeing that this was written 2 years ago tells me there was something inside of you then, that wouldn't let go of the truth...that you are beautiful inside and out and the important thing is that you know this for yourself. Felt your flow.
     
  4. SwtT

    SwtT Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is a good flow!!!

    Welcome To Destees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    :wave:
     
  5. redlady

    redlady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i'm glad that this was written two years ago, but i totally felt your flow, i'm sure you're beautiful inside and out...glad you're still with us and flowing...look forward to hearing more.
     
  6. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    WELCOME home, blackchynadoll. when you're fighting the outside world, you look to home and family for refuge. when you can't find it there, you wonder if it exists. IT DOES. your makeup is who you are...and you can't separate you from yourself. I'M SORRY for your pain...especially for the hurt your family caused you. I'M GLAD you're amongst us...letting your river flow.:)

    THANKS for sharing.
     
  7. LovelyGoldenOne

    LovelyGoldenOne Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    this is BEAUTIFUL and so heartfelt....
     
  8. aqueenpassing

    aqueenpassing Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This was an awesome statement of truth and reality....
    be proud of who you are we are all mixed with something, some things we claim more than others and some we don't admit to at all ...... I am black, french and indian with some white (smile) so I hea ya...... But my strength is my blackness and since I was raised to identify with that more so than the others I still acknowledge that it is there....

    Peace to Ya
    AqueenPassing
    :wave:
     
  9. liquyd

    liquyd Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Dayum, that was an emotional one.....Sometimes God is the only home we can trust...
     
  10. Rico

    Rico Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This was nice and a painful reality to most of the people of mixed race. No matter what race we are mixed with. For I am mixed also and was messed with as a kid. But it is okay because I am me and if they don't like the he** with them I say.
     
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