Poetry Critiques : untitled

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by daroc, Apr 10, 2008.

  1. daroc

    daroc Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    tragically i master letters with emotional mischief
    playing gun control with my heart and soul
    leaking my dreams to this note and
    my desires for the sky to pick up
    singing inner ballads of blues
    heartache and orange tulips
    white wishes
    hard for comfort
    yet yearning for light green stability
    mixed with pink hellos and purple hugs
    yellow friends leave my soul shining
    and my sun setting at odd times
    confused by my inability to overlook
    the green zeal from others
    sometimes turning my world blue
    mixed upside down
    and so its odd i find piece in the taste and feel of chocolate
    its rich creamy filling brings substance to my living
    and ends my search to cease this craving
    for such reds in my life.
    and so nothing can add up
    to subtract
    my multiplications
    in life
    to equal that natural satisfaction.
    of crayola love.
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    deep effects of the shades nice colorful poetic flow here
    no need to color change anything
     
  3. daroc

    daroc Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    most welcome sister Daroc
     
  5. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I found this to be inventive and creatively brought Daroc. And the ending...quite endearing.
     
  6. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    this was cute...the only inconsistency was the chocolate reference...
    you had all colors then mentioned chocolate which is a flavor...
    i might mention some more flavors in the remix...
    this was still overall a great poem...creative

    one love
    khasm
     
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