Poetry Critiques : Untitled

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Desert Storm, Jul 15, 2007.

  1. Desert Storm

    Desert Storm Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Underneathe your skies
    It was heaven

    Thrilled and captivated
    You released me in your arms

    And I'm open wide
    Imagined the love would be real nice

    You're heaven sent
    And I'm helpless; staring into your eyes

    Paralyzed with an infusion of emotions
    Of your aura

    You excite me
    To inhale your taste, smell, and sound

    Understood

    We minded our manners

    And cascaded to the deep
    Inner thoughts and memories

    Of long walks and roses

    Our bodies exposed our yearning to gratify intense desires

    Our energy
    relaxs every muscle inside

    Dreaming for more time to spend with you

    I thought what I percieved to be seen by you

    Was mutual as I was fond of you

    Realized the time

    I looked around

    I saw the room empty

    I was alone

    Once again

    Every moment fading like quick sand

    And yet so sweetly in each moment I was a prisoner

    Of infatuous mental danger

    Before I could catch my breath

    I plumeted into an endless depth

    Left to recover
    The fall so suddenly

    Why?, I don't know.
    Why?, I don't know.
    Why?, I don't know.
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    very well done .....nice well felt piece
     
  3. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I liked the way you structured this piece to make the reader feel that you were falling all the while. Some experiences, we may never fully understand. Enjoyed this flow.
     
  4. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wow

    Captured by the moments and memories. This is a great flow Storm.
     
  5. Desert Storm

    Desert Storm Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wow, guys thanks for the postive feedback

    Rich- always have a kind word
    Watzinaname- I always feel ya and you are sincere
    Hodee- I appreciate the luv

    Thanks y'all

    Desert Storm
     
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