Poetry Critiques : untitled

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by mzpoetic8705, Jul 30, 2005.

  1. mzpoetic8705

    mzpoetic8705 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    --->hey, i haven't finished this one YET, cause i don't know how to end it just yet...but let me know how you like it so far. Thanks :)

    Just call me your secret detector,
    Cause I can look beyond the lies
    And discover the truth.
    I can transform into anything or anyone you want me to be
    So call me your chameleon
    When you cry
    At hand, is where I can be right by your side
    To remove all tears from your eyes
    So call me your tissue
    Not just any tissue
    But your tissue, in your hands, touching your face
    Call me your computer
    For I will keep and store all information
    That contains to you
    And whenever you feel like quizzing me, go right ahead
    I am ready! Was born ready….for you, that is
    Most of all call me your paper
    Where you can store all secrets and inhibitions
    Just let it pour on me
    Drip all on me
    Your words and feelings, that is…
    And call me your girl
    For that is who I am
    Or will soon become
    And I’ll call you my liquor store
    You have everything but what I need
    A book
    A pen
    And most of all paper
    So I guess you’re not the one I hoped u were
    Instead u became a false piano playing fictional keys
    And who is to blame?
    Me
    For being so foolish
    Falling like a nickel in the hands of a dime
    Quickly
    Forgetting
    Never remembering me
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    it has a nice structure and the concept
    of all the thing u can be to one...nice do finish it.
     
  3. mzpoetic8705

    mzpoetic8705 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks rich....but i think that i need to work on it a lil more....thank you :)
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    just a few ajustments and add the ending and it will be a very piece.
     
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