Black Poetry : UNTITLED

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by miss-no-love, Jan 4, 2005.

  1. miss-no-love

    miss-no-love Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What up yall, I'm 17 yrs old and this is my first time writing a poem. Tell me what yall think.


    you said I aint s*** but you were the one who cheated on me
    you put yo d*** in some b**** ***** now you tellin me she might be pregnant with yo baby
    it's funny cause when you told me I was like ****! why would you do that to me
    but s*** I forgot how ****** can be
    they can make you think they luv you when they don't give a f*** about you
    they can make you feel like your on top of the world but the whole time they just in it to f*** you
    they can give you anything you want but at the end you still looking like the fool
    well, **** I can say that you had me fooled
    cause when you said I was wifey I believed that ****
    u see, when u was ******* around with them other chicks I didn't give a f***
    them bit**** was gonna fell like they ran out on their luck
    you said didn't know b**** come before me
    you said you will always love me unconditionally
    but all of that **** you said was just fu***** lies
    it's such a shame
    cause I used to look at chicks funny
    when they even said your fu***** name
    you were the type my mother told me about
    you were the type my father warned me about
    but I didn't want to hear what people was sayin'
    I just didn't care
    you said people was jealous of the "love" we shared
    and I understand you needed your needs
    but I couldn't be the one at risk of getting an STD
    you see, I realize a ***** gonna be a ***** regardless
    how he treat ya
    but at the end he's going to realize how much he really needed ya!


    Please tell me what yall think! this came from the heart
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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  3. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    hello my young sista :) :wave:
    whew ok where to begin :) :read:
    My beautiful young sista... i think you came real with it...the pain
    the bullshhhh(well you know lol) it was all real
    I could feel the hurt
    the betrayal
    the lies
    i could see the suspicion in your eyes when you saw the otha girls
    and i could feel your want for it to be just as he said
    and then the reality of heartbreak
    it was all VERY real...
    now my sista...
    let the healing be NOW...
    it is obvious that you are ready to vent...grow from it and be the woman he NEVA should have done wrong not because of him but because YOU are YOU a sista QUEEN in tha making...
    let no one cause you to think otherwise...
    be one wif ya REALness my young sista and grow in peace :heart: :grouphug: :heart:
     
  4. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I felt the fire behind your words. The anger and pain was clear in this piece. Venting can be freeing, definitely, but even more freeing is learning from a mistake and moving on with your head held high. Flow on.
     
  5. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Miss_No-Love

    Welcome to Destee

    Cussing is allowed in flow. Am I wrong? I have seen and read worse. Besides it's all bleeped out. There are some explict sex statements in many of the lyrics here. I hear more in the lastest rap, hiphop. The only difference is some folks like it some don't. If we quit paying the fools for the profanity ( buying their records, dancing to the sadness of no rhetoric depth ) then they may stop using it. But we won't.

    We do encourge as mush positive flow as possible, but some things deserve to be put into context. This is one issue that had to be put there.

    I think your first attempt was off the chain. You stated the facts and you didn't make the attack. You left the Karma to flow. Just you know. Back to his head. This type of behavior from anyone is foul. But they always get theirs in the end. Some flow that was real....keep writing.

    well, **** I can say that you had me fooled
    cause when you said I was wifey I believed that ****

    Oh that game many play. Listen to the catch lines and question what they say. If it is real it can stand the heat. It will prove its self worthy. Thru the things. How he moves his feet. In the direction he is looking, has his mind on a goal. Then if he has you included. Then it may just be gold. If by chance the real comes along. Be careful you know the difference in the gimme some song.

    " you said people was jealous of the "love" we shared
    and I understand you needed your needs
    but I couldn't be the one at risk of getting an STD
    you see, I realize a ***** gonna be a ***** regardless
    how he treat ya
    but at the end he's going to realize how much he really needed ya! "
     
  6. deepy

    deepy going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I thought..first piece...wow ..you went right to what poetry , to me, is about emotional essence...
    no question you had all of that...twas raw...and real...
    be proud of this your first...and as you continue...and I know you are
    go back to it in a few months...and check it again...
    thanks for sharing
    i look forward to the 2nd
     
  7. miss-no-love

    miss-no-love Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm sorry for the curssing yall, but thank you for yall opinion. I appreciate it.
     
  8. BlatinaPoet4u

    BlatinaPoet4u Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i know how this feels i experienced the same situation earlier this year. i feel u girl.
     
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