Poetry Critiques : UNDER HERE

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by dymondtanae, Aug 9, 2005.

  1. dymondtanae

    dymondtanae Member MEMBER

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    Can any one feel me under here?
    I’m swallowed up by the Black Holes
    Of depression, deceit, lies and oppressors
    Not White
    Not Black
    Translucent with no figures
    The 7 deadly sins injected into my veins like venom
    Can anyone hear me under here?
    With demons screaming scheming on ways
    To have my life filled with sinful days
    Absolute and Cranberry Juice affecting my brain
    Weed and alcohol isn’t to blame
    I slipped up and let the devil
    Take control of my domain
    Can anyone see me under here?
    Cause I’m heading nowhere but downstairs
    Believe me that’s a lot to fear
    Eternal Damnation
    Gods Creation
    Subjective to the devils recreations
    Somebody tell Jesus I need some
    Self-examination
    Some rejuvenation
    Some soul augmentation
    Some salvation
    Negativity has shackles on my feet
    So I can’t elevate my passivity
    God and his son is the only being I owe
    So how come I can’t grasp that
    And let this evilness go

    I know someone can feel me under here
    Hear me under here
    See me under here
    I’m touching too many people under here
    Listening to, too many screams under here
    Looking at too many people bleed under here
    It’s just too many people under here that’s near
    Not to feel, hear or, see where I’m coming from
    Or am I the only one to admit where I went wrong
    The only one that wants to repent, receive GOD
    And make HEAVEN my home.
    [email protected]
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome to destee.com honest of critical voices
    welcome to u for making our home yours to share
    welcome to the family ....let me say this was very nice
    the concept and structure was on point great poem.
     
  3. dymondtanae

    dymondtanae Member MEMBER

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    thank you Rich
    I look forward to enjoying the people and the talent on this board.
    I hope you all enjoy me as well
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    surely we will as family
     
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