Thanks for all your thoughts/wishes/encouragement! Still haven't managed to quit, CT/PET scans are showing the lungs getting worse. Truly, I do need something to do; I did manage to "quit" but the psychlogical trap caught me after about two weeks. I do know something that I am highly confident will give me enough of that "something to do", but either I can't say it well enough, or it is something that will not be heard because it is "outside of the box", "too new", "not the way we have always done things" or doesn't fit the "supremelunatic crap$tructure". well, i've gotta go try to figure out how to save some of my lab: i have to move by the 15th and am still no closer to the pulmonary/physical therapy that would help me to do the work than i was when this mess jumped off in october. and, of cour$e, i don't have the dollar$ to do it. ah well; i guess if i my heart/lungs quit on me while trying to do this, i will have died trying! YES IT IS THAT BAD, but i don't have any choice. ("help"? "family"? "friends?" <sigh> well i guess that stuff works in theory, but it hasn't really worked for me when i need it.) the only "coin" that i can offer for "hands on, get this done NOW" quality "help/support" is my lab, my tech skills, my hardware/electronics knowledge and my unconditional desire to build a telecommunications infrastructure in support of My global African Family Community.