Black Poetry : Two men, two moods

Randee

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Jul 31, 2003
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Albany, NY
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one says i am miserable most of the time
the other tells me i am the happiest person he knows
how can they both be right?
how can i treat two people so differently
maybe he makes me miserable in how he:
holds the keys to our future tightly in his pocket
showing them to me, almost invitingly
dangling them, jingling them
teasingly putting them back in his pocket.
Why did i give my power for you to use
(although, not yet to have abused)
but to hold it all in the palm of your hand
seems like you love to utilize this plan
love that you think i sit home and pyne
i do not . . .but i am not laying down either
i carry this child for us
why can't you just love and trust
make a family for her to see
why doesn't he understand i don't want to wait and wonder
so our child can believe you are here for her
until you decide its too much and leave
and selfish me is left wondering about thee
miserable thinking what if i wasn't holding his seed
would he undertake this same deed
would he love me the same
or are we just playing a game until it hurts too much
in holding back to let this feeling go on unsustained.
The other one he tells me he loves my smile
that he misses me and hasn't seen me in a while
that he is glad i am happy and he wants nothing but . . .
friendship (yeah, right.)
but, its easy, cause the truth comes with no surprise
his moods are constant and i know how he flies
in town one minute out the next
constant stream of steady women i would have to suspect
except . . .he tells the truth, no need to keep secrets
everything between us is an open question
waiting to be answered before its even asked.
so, my words become lost in my thoughts
which become lost to fear of actions
instead, i sit back and wait
for decisions from him to come through.
 

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