one says i am miserable most of the time the other tells me i am the happiest person he knows how can they both be right? how can i treat two people so differently maybe he makes me miserable in how he: holds the keys to our future tightly in his pocket showing them to me, almost invitingly dangling them, jingling them teasingly putting them back in his pocket. Why did i give my power for you to use (although, not yet to have abused) but to hold it all in the palm of your hand seems like you love to utilize this plan love that you think i sit home and pyne i do not . . .but i am not laying down either i carry this child for us why can't you just love and trust make a family for her to see why doesn't he understand i don't want to wait and wonder so our child can believe you are here for her until you decide its too much and leave and selfish me is left wondering about thee miserable thinking what if i wasn't holding his seed would he undertake this same deed would he love me the same or are we just playing a game until it hurts too much in holding back to let this feeling go on unsustained. The other one he tells me he loves my smile that he misses me and hasn't seen me in a while that he is glad i am happy and he wants nothing but . . . friendship (yeah, right.) but, its easy, cause the truth comes with no surprise his moods are constant and i know how he flies in town one minute out the next constant stream of steady women i would have to suspect except . . .he tells the truth, no need to keep secrets everything between us is an open question waiting to be answered before its even asked. so, my words become lost in my thoughts which become lost to fear of actions instead, i sit back and wait for decisions from him to come through.