Twins - One Male One Female - Same Rules?

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by Destee, Jan 9, 2002.

  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    I have an adult son (22) and a 17 year old daughter. My daughter and I go through heck with my son regarding what she should and should not be able to do. Even though he got to do some of these same things, he feels like she should not be able to ... simply because she's female. So I asked him, what if you had twins, one male and one female ... would you let your son do things that you wouldn't let your daughter do (at age 17). He said yes! :eeek:

    Would you make such a difference with your teens simply because one is male and one is female? If so, how do you justify that to your teenage daughter?

    Wouldn't that be discrimination?!

    Just wondering ...

    Destee
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Kem now i do agree wit ya

    coz it's true in our world today so many search for
    young tender females yet at the same age a male can
    roam freely ......now on da other hand she have as much
    rights as he do i only think to limited her play if it's a thing
    where i feel she would be in dangered but treat both da
    same if she can't go he can't go .....yet i would be more
    protected of her then him coz there is some hungry hounds
    out their looking for a pray!
    kem i strongly agree wit ya big tyme:)
     
  3. Jade

    Jade Member MEMBER

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    Well Destee....

    I shudder to say this but I do agree with Kemestry. Being two years younger than my brother and obstinate, I felt that it was only American that I be able to go and do all that he was allowed to do.

    I couldn't understand his need to protect me, because in my mind what was good for the goose was good for the gander. Well this gander graduated from the school of hard knocks. One experience I had was during a basketball game. When I was younger it was strictly competition.

    As I began to develop (the way girls do) it was a whole new ball game. My brother pointed out to me one night on the way home (after the fight that he started) that the guys were jocking for position to see who would get to guard me next.

    One guy did his "hand" check and my brother checked him and it was on. I was a bit niave, but I learned quickly that regardless of how strong or intelligent I am, there are somethings that I just "cannot" do, nor should I even attempt to do. And true to what Keme said that is by design, not an indication of inferiority, just different by design. Granted, as women in today's society, some of us are forced to play dual roles in life. But that is not how it was designed.

    My father's analogy was if I can accept that man designs mechanisms with specific purposes that we do not challenge, why is it that we try to manipulate what the Creator "designed" just to suit ourselves. Took me a while, but grasshopper did learn the lesson.

    Now, one thing I would suggest is asking your son if he has done or would do the things that he fears happening to baby girl. It might shed some light on his strong reaction. Then again, if it is a single parent house hold he may just feel that it is his responsibility has the "male" to protect his people.
     
  4. Kitana

    Kitana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is killin me

    and I'm typin' real slow because it's painful to admit it...but...
    :x:
    I also have to agree with what Kem said....

    I have a daughter who is the youngest, and two sons...my eldest son has a habit of controlling, or trying to control, what my daughter does, who she talks to, and even what she wears, when she is out with them....

    this causes a lot of friction because my daughter is strong-minded and resents my son doing this....but on the other hand, he explained from a males point of view, that he hears how the other guys talk about women and knows how they treat them...he does not want his sister treated like, or talked about in this manner...which is okay by me...but try telling my daughter this..

    and I have to say, that no matter how independent women become, how hard they they strive for equality, or how much of a feminist they are....basically it's a mans world....and men play by mens rules...it's basic male behaviour to look at a women and size her up...

    I also think it is basic male behaviour to be the protector..throughout time it has been mans job to protect the woman or women in his life..I don't think will ever change, not if the man is a decent one anyway...it's inbuilt...

    to your last point Destee...maybe it is discrimation but there will always be a marked difference between male and female, the way they behave and the way the rest of society views that behaviour...for example ( and I am not picking on the guys here)..
    a guy can have a different girl every night and can boast about it to his pals...this guy is a stud....a girl can practice the same behaviour, and she's a whore....thats just the way it is...so I would have to say, that, even if you had twins, one male one female, that yes, they would have to play by a different set of rules..

    K
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    This is interesting, thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts. I'm going to have my daughter read this and hopefully she'll post her views. I can almost imagine what she'll say ... :)

    Destee
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    would i ever love t hear

    what she have to say on this matter
    a child output will be something nice.
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    well now Kem

    kids will be kids !
    they get in a thang and
    see stuff in other way then we
    but most of all momma & daddy
    set da rules in da house
    what they say goes.......dat's dat !:eek:
     
  8. Smartgurl

    Smartgurl $$ PREMIUM MEMBER $$ PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Thank you all for your comments.

    Kemetstry…It took me a while to respond because I have been very busy. This past week I have had a Physics test, an Integral Calculus test, a U.S. Government test, an Advanced French test, and a six page paper to write for British Literature, not to mention four of my top choice college applications were due. So, excuse me for appearing as though I was not planning to respond. I am not embarrassed at all. :) In fact, I agree with you in that men and women are not the same, and should not be considered as equals.

    My brother wants to “protect” me, which I understand and appreciate. He does not want guys to look at me and think of me as disrespectfully as some guys do regard girls. Although I do not believe in the pessimistic theory that “All guys are dogs,” I do believe that anyone and everyone, male and female, will treat you how you allow them to treat you. I cannot help that some guy may look at me and think of me as a sex object or that thereof. I even cannot help whether or not he has the audacity to approach me with such vulgarity. That’s life, neither my brother, nor I can fix that. However, how the situation varies is in how I respond.

    I carry myself in a respectable manner. I do not dress suggestively, or act suggestively. I always try to give respect, and I command respect. I am not a stupid girl, and I have my priorities together. I am a very mature young lady, and my mother and brother know this. Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty I know, but even more I don’t know, which I will hopefully learn as I mature. My objection dealing with my brother is that, though I often hear his high opinion of me, it seems as if he forgets who I am when dealing with issues where I am out of his sight. I feel as if he sees me as just his “little sister.” He often makes comments implying that I have “book sense” but no “common sense.” Which I have proven wrong numerous times. I am 17 years old, a senior in high school, and I have never been on a date. That does not bother me much at all because that is not a priority to me. However, I have lived a sheltered life, which I do not rebel against, but sometimes I feel that it gets to be much. My mother considers my brother’s opinion, which is always negative, which limits my privileges that much more. Every single male friend that I have even mentioned to my brother, he refused to consider them as possible nice people, simply because they have male genitalia. He does not trust me to pick my own friends, male friends in particular. (By the way, my mother totally trusts me to make my decisions because she knows that I make mature, well thought through choices.) He always has such brute criticism, yet he cannot find one flaw in my “friend-finding” process. (By the way, all of my friends are intelligent, focused, considerate, respectful, and respectable young men and women…my mother can attest to that.) I am sure he has sound advice that he could give me, so that I may see the male opinion, however, honestly, my brother’s irrational, close-minded views, only makes me feel apprehensive to talking to him about such topics.

    It is not so much of whether males and females should get the same privileges, but more about the individual and their maturity level. I do not get to do the things that my brother did when he was my age, and I do not try to. I get practically whatever I want because I do not have unreasonable requests. I am just tired of fighting him for treating me as if I am five and stupid.

    ~Smartgurl
     
  9. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    SmartGurl

    :wave: :kiss: Haaaaay Momma's Baby !!! :kiss: :wave:

    :love:

    Very nicely said. You know what? I'm going to try and get your brother to respond! :eeek: :lol:

    :toast: This is so great!

    You know what else? I had just started writing this long "Momma" reply, but I'm going to save it until after he responds.

    I Love You

    :heart:

    ps ... you could have included a paragraph about how great a Mother I am :wink:
     
  10. UPTOWNE

    UPTOWNE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    A lot of bread but there is no meat in this samich! That was nice yawl did all that ya ya..... but the bottom line here is big brotha is a DOG!
    He know's what dogs do, cause he's one of them! BUT MOMMA and LIL SIS DON'T SEE BETWEEN the LINES! He wouldn't be so dam protective if he wasn't so sure about all the possibilities.

    And where were they when he was getting all this knowledge? He know more than his own Mamma! (she raised him, now at 22 he know more than her)

    I have 3 sons and if I had a daughter I would raise her no different than my sons I would worry more and yes be a lil more protective but she would have and be allowed the same privilages as my sons!

    Black males are in just as much danger or more than females gangs, jail, shootings, drugs, sex the list goes on! My sons are 21, 20 & 14 you can not protect them every day of their life you job as a parent is to equipt them to survive on their own!

    (My mother use to say " momma bird's job is to teach baby bird how to fly" and one day she pushes baby bird out of the nest and it must fly or come crashing down to its death!)
    I have always believed in empowerment over protection! She should have had a heart to heart with big bro and he told her about all the BS to expect! But noooooo he so busy protecting her and sheltering her they gittin ready to send this full fledeged virgin off to college with lil social skilz!

    hmmmmm I so who's gonna protect her THERE? I guess thats where prayer comes in "I hope she allright" Take the shackles off that Young woman and thats her brother not her DADDY!

    I have no Biological daughters thats true but I have nieces that I have raised and about 100 serogate daughters I am a mentor for a youth group what you have done is HAMPER this YOUNG WOMANS DEVELOPMENT! Now you gonna send her off in to the wild blue younder and expect her to SOAR LIKE AN EAGLE?


    this is UPTOWNE baby!
     
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