Black People : Trying not to snap dealing with his wife.

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by MsInterpret, Aug 30, 2011.

  1. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    So I'm trying and pulling out every strength I have not to mop this chick up and down the block. This chick, no woman to me, his my daughter's dad's wife. She has a bad attitude. The first time I met her she was holding my daughter hostage in their house while I was at work and I had to control myself because my daughter was present.

    This chick is trying to get a rise outta me. I don't know what her deal is, seeing as she's married to the guy.

    So the latest ordeal is, my daughter just went back to her dads after spending the weekend with me. She e-mails my mother and me saying my Irulan has a small bald spot on her head and do we know anything about it. So I look at the picture she sent and I say that small spot, no I don't know. My mom says she doesn't know either. So the chick says she thinks it's ringworm and it wasn't there before. And I'm thinking is this chick trying to insinuate my daughter go ringworm in my care, cause it takes 10-14 days to show signs of ring worm and I haven't had her in awhile. So she's like I think she'll need to go to the doctors. So I'm like, then take her to the doctors.
    She replies back, Better yet, you take her to the doctors I'll be waiting.

    HOLD UP! Who is this chick to give me orders on what to do with my daughter when it was HER, not my daughter's father who brought this up.

    I send her an email back saying I don't know what your problem is, I merely said then take her to the doctors because that was your initial suggestion...Besides she's the one who feels she has ringworm...Also, her dad has said in the past to myself that I couldn't take her cause she is under his insurance.

    But that's not the problem, my problem is this little girl has a stank attitude for no apparent reason. And if she does have a reason, I'm sure it's not a good reason. But one thing for sure, I'm very close to adjusting it personally for her as a favor.

    I'm getting close, and I'm not sure what to do any more.
     
  2. Ikoro

    Ikoro Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Peace, Beloved.

    What you need to do is have a sit down with your husband and his wife present, and talk this out calmly. You have accumulated some points, so bring them up ('last week she said so and so, I felt this was disrespectful' or 'just the other day I got the feeling she was suggesting I was neglecting my daughter to the point where she got ringworms' etc).

    You don't want this situation to blow up, it's more problems and more stress for your daughter when she goes to see your dad. So check yourself.

    Depending on how bad you and the woman have it, you might want to sit down and have a talk with only the husband and share your concerns in a polite way (that's his woman, so you can't go disrespecting here and talking rudely - it will get you nowhere).

    Also, ask your daughter how she feels about this woman, that might help during the conversation with the man and the woman about her attitude.

    What you think?

    One,

    - Ikoro
     
  3. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    Poor baby..
     
  4. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Her and I have had it real bad before. Like to the point where it almost got physical and the cops were called. She's cursed my mom out and the whole nine yards and my mother isn't that type of woman.

    I've tried to talk to her father about matters like this in the past, but he's very passive about it and usually takes her side. If she is wrong he says nothing.

    I know that my daughter likes her, she has never really said anything bad about her. However, my daughter has expressed to me on many occasions that she wants to reside with me instead of over there. But I think it's because they have stricter rules there.

    I think the best thing to do is just ignore her attitude and try my darnedest to not put my hands on her.
     
  5. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    This is a sitution between a Mother and a Father, Step parents should not be involved. You should ask that her father get in touch with you. At that time, you might suggest that you both carry your daughter to the doctor. Each of you need to hear what the doctor says that the ailment is (if anything) and how to heal it. Your daughter is the important person here. You confronting the Step mom might make things bad for her. If all adults would put this child FIRST, the outcome would be more amicable.
    I know how you feel about someone telling you what to do about your child, but your feelings aren't or should not be the FLAMING FACTOR here. Lets take care of the baby, then the stepmom later!
    P.S. The way different viruses are manifesting themselves these days, who knows where anything comes from or how one got it. Lets just be safe rather than arguing about it and end up sorry!!
     
  6. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I totally agree...And what made me upset was her catching an attitude when there was no need for it. I just don't need drama around my child. And she has done that on many occasions to the point where she has scared my daughter. I have tried to maintain peace by not saying but a few words to her or going directly to him, because he is her father. I told her that I appreciated her in the past for certain things she has done, but for some reason she is always on the defense. And she needs to realize that this is not about me want her man, cause that is done and DONE. But more so about our child. I'm just exhausted.

    Thanks for your advice Sis.
     
  7. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Asking children questions about what they feel about one parent or the other..IMO ..is never a good thing. It could plant seeds in their
    mind as to how to think about that person. Let her be a child with 3 different parents loving and trying to see she gets the best possible care. But you and the father should make the decisions on her behalf. If he listens to his wife, you have to accept that. You are not privy to what happens in that household. And must accept that for now, for your daughter's sake...just help her childhood be as happy as possible. Regardless of the tension between the 3 of you...always let her see you as the POSITIVE, HAPPY AND FUN LOVING parent. Let her know (as Im sure you have) that whenever she wants to stay and its ok with her dad, you're there!!
     
  8. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree, and I never have asked her or tired to put her in the middle of our problems. She tells me what she thinks on her own, she's 8 and she's growing into her own with her own views on things. I never say anything bad about her dad or her stepmom to her.
    That's grown folks business, you feel me?
    Besides, when she is with me, she doesn't really talk too much about what goes on over there except about her brothers and sister cause she love them to death. To her it's two different worlds and she likes keeping them separate. :)
     
  9. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Don't for one minute think I don't know what you want to do. I FEEL YOU!!! If the baby wasn't involved, I'd ask ..DO YOU NEED MY HELP!!! :lol: Relief is what you need from all these stressors. And sometimes a good battle does the trick! Good luck and hold on!!
     
  10. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    This your child and his and you too should talk when it come to this child
    and over look her if she wanna make problems , but always do what's best
    in the intrest of the child .

    This lady sound like one who is mad because you & him have this child together
    she his wife and should as his wife take the baby if she in there care and alert you
    of such.

    Don't let her child play get to you even if she have an attitude , just step over her
    and ask to speak to him , you know i feel ya on this !
    I kinda been through a moment like this once in my life , folks will make you wanna
    smack da ------out of them but sometime we have to look at the big picture
    THE CHILD !!!

    Keep ya head up sis and stay strong do what you must in the child intrest and for your baby
     
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