Black Relationships : Trying not to hurt a friend

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Dee, Apr 10, 2003.

  1. Dee

    Dee Active Member MEMBER

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    I met this guy about 2 months or so ago, and when we met I told him point blank that I wasn't looking for a man. BUT I flirt a whole lot, and I realized that he was taking it the wrong way. So I called myself doing the right thing by reminding him that I'm only interested in having him as a friend. So I stopped flirting with him and I stop spending so much time wit him but he aint hearing me. He's telling me how into me he is, how persistence pays off and that one day he'll make me his. Y'all he is so sweet and I honestly don't want him to end up hurt, so I guess my question is do you think I should just cut ties with him all together? OR do you think that if I just continue to tell him that we are just cool that he'll eventually get the picture?
     
  2. desireb16

    desireb16 Member MEMBER

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    Let me tell you, girl, I was on the same page myself with a guyfriend, and he could not and WOULD NOT take the hint that we were only friends! He actually went to the extent to tell all his friends and some fam members that we were together, but I told him monthly it wasn't krackin like that. You basically need to go into more details about just how cool ya'll are, and if he still don't get it, you need to stray away for awhile. Misleading people can only lead to hurt feelings, and I know you don't want to feel guilty, so take it from an almost-expert!
    If push comes to penned up against the wall, you just gotta be point-blank with him. He'll realize once you leave his atmosphere that you are serious about the 'No Man' policy. That only what I did, so it's just a bit of advice. And if you really aren't trying to get up with him, don't let him run that game in your ear! Gud luck on your shoulders.
     
  3. Dream Weaver

    Dream Weaver Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well...seeing I am in the exact position as you are, I am gonna give you the same advice I'm gonna apply today. Tell him straight up that y'all are just friends. I am a big flirt yet i've had my feelings hurt by guys who have done the same to me. I can tell you that it does NOT feel good! If you really gonna be his friend, let him know and then hunny you gotsta go!! Jet quicker than a concorde from his sight cuz he gone try to keep at it AGAIN. Don't call him, don't drop by to see him, just stay away for a while. When he finally gets his act back together y'all could establish that friend thing. This is what I say and this is what I am going to do today. If you not sure about it, I'll let you know how mine went.



    I'm just sayin...
     
  4. A007

    A007 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The best thing for you to do is let him read the post you put on here.

    You were at your most honest (i assume) and because of this there was no sugar coating and no pretence...so he will get the real picture. Maybe after he reads it (or you tell him what you wrote) you will be able to have an honest discussion.

    If you are really not trying to have him as a man there shouldn't be a problem with you giving him an ultimatum ....either he abandons the quest to have you as his woman or lose you as a friend all-together. Because....if he is not willing to back off...he is not there for friendship..and friendship can not be held together by one person..i.e. YOU....so what you may be mistaking (and afraid to lose) as friendship is only his way to be close until he can wear you down. If that is the case you don't have a REAL friendship you have a pursuer --persuee GAME that is only going to end up bad.

    That is my little 2 cents...hope it was helpful.
     
  5. Dee

    Dee Active Member MEMBER

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    Y'all are better than Oprah, Thanks!

    Desire---I was trying to be point-blank with him, but I guess I was trying to be nice. I'm honestly trying not to hurt him. Thanks

    Kem---You are sooooo right! It is my fault, but I told him in the begin that I'm flirtatish so that's why I felt the need to tell him that I'm not looking for a man. I still take the blame. Thanks

    Dream--I've been on the other side too, that's why I'm trying to end this before it's to late. I never want to make someone feel they way I felt. Sorry to hear that you are in the same boat! If you are anything like me then you are stressed. Please tell me how things turned out and I'll do the same. Good luck!! Thanks

    A007---I never thought about it like that! Maybe our friendship isn't as important to him as it is to me. That's something that I never considered. Thanks
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    yet you open a door he walked in
    no .....don't toss him like that surely
    he will see
    yes see less of him now and asure him to see
    other ladies go out stuff like that
    and let him know you are doing the same
    after all friends is all it is
    sometime when we flirt we open chambers
    and most of the tyme the other will fall in and
    their compassion comes out
    i agree with Keme.... he feels a chance in the makings
    by you flirting
    continue to be friends but not close as before he will see
    the light without being hurt soon he will go away once his
    mind become of another
    friendship is rare in today's world
    GOOD LUCK with misguided & confused
     
  7. Dee

    Dee Active Member MEMBER

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    Sorry, $$RICH$$ I was MIA for a minute there! Thanks for the advice. I just wanted to let you all know that we don't talk anymore at all. I can't even see us ever being friends again. Honestly, I'm kinda hurt but I guess A007 was right, I obviously valued our friendship way more than he did. Now I know!
     
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