I browse these forums and find myself not only entertained, but informed and enlightned. Its nice to have a place like this to pool thoughts. Reading here only re-enforced an underlying feeling Ive been having upon coming into my own adult mind and consciousness. I just dont feel like Im not being told the truth with Christianity. Ive been spoon fed this religion since I was a child and it is all I have ever. "Believe in Jesus or go to Hell", "Go to church or burn forever"....these kinds of statements can be pretty effective into making one mentally submissive to the doctrines of a religion. But after learning how Christianity was manufactured for mass appeal by Constantine, the history and actions of the Catholic church, and the hypocrisy of of pious Christians...I find myself wondering....is this real? I fully beleive with all my heart that there is a divine being or energy or something out that is responsible for creation and the actions and reactions of cosmic energies. I mean all of this couldnt have been by coincendence right? But is the way to knowing such energy really through going to church and faking the Holy Ghost? Something inside of me is telling me that Chrisitainty may just be another religion which is used to control and manipulate the masses. But I dont want to be controlled nor manipulated anymore. I seek a spiritual awareness thats eludes me in my current state and way of belief. But Im also so scarred and firghtened cuz Christianity is all I've ever known...Does me thinking this constitute a rebellion to God? I wish not to rebel against God but to truely get closer to him/her/it. Thats just it...i want to truely know God and this energy that flows me through daily and give suns & stars the power to burn. God is within us right? God is us right? so does that mean that to commune with God all I need is look to myself? But how do you even go about that? Its all so overwhleming and daunting...I dont know where to begin.