Black Relationships : Trapped in a relationship

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by numberonemom, Sep 8, 2003.

  1. numberonemom

    numberonemom New Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2003
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    How is everyone doing? I don't mean to put my troubles on everyone, but I need a little advise. I'm a 34 year old female with a small child (4yrs). I'm not married to her father, but we are still 'together" in the same household. We have been together for 6 years, lived together for 4 years.

    I have not been in love with this man for at least 3 1/2 years. I have not kissed him in 3 1/2 years. We have not made love in 3 1/2 years (although we have been intimate). I 'm still intimate with him only because I'm not involved with anybody else, in other words, he is convenient. No, I'm not leading him on, he knows exactly where he stands and our relationship. I feel trapped into staying because I'm so attached to my child that I can't stand to be away from her and he's the same way. I know if I leave he will want to spend weekends or something with her and I can't handle that just yet ( I don't think he is responsible enough).

    So, do I stay and be miserable.
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,790
    Likes Received:
    8,984
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,684
    Number One Mom ... Welcome To The Family. My question is why don't you think he is responsible enough to spend time alone with his daughter? Are you suggesting that he'd hurt her or allow her to be hurt? Surely that can't be the case if he loves her like you do.

    If you are just insecure about him being alone with her, thinking he can't care for her as well as you ... that's not fair to him, to her, or to you. If this is the case, you are creating this trapped situation and you have the keys to free yourself, whenever you're ready to get out.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. numberonemom

    numberonemom New Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2003
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    Destee, your right. No, I know he would never hurt her. I guess what it all comes down to is I just think that when it comes to her he is is too lax. Maybe I'm just really only thinking of myself. Being a mom, I worry about everything and I guess I just need to sit back and relax and pray that GOD will watch over her.
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,790
    Likes Received:
    8,984
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,684
    Not only pray that God will watch over her, but trust that her Father loves her and would let no harm come to her. Trust that you chose a wonderful man to be her Father. Even though the relationship between the two of you has not maintained this burning blaze beneath it, that says nothing of the burning blaze between the two of them. Don't deny her any part of her Father, including the small mistakes he may make along the way (they will laugh about them in later years). Don't deny him the joy that his daughter obviously brings him. Don't deny yourself what you need. It's possible for everyone to be happy, just gotta make it work.

    Sounds like the two of you have made great sacrifices already for your daughter and i'm sure you both will continue to do that, whether you are together or not. She sounds like a very blessed little girl. Actually, all 3 of you sound pretty blessed.

    Much Love and Peace Sister.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. SayWord

    SayWord Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2003
    Messages:
    303
    Likes Received:
    3
    Ratings:
    +3
    If your not happy then you should move on. If you don't think he's responsible enough to spend time alone with your daughter, there are people you can talk to about that. Why should you stay in a sitauation where you are unhappy?
     
  6. poetonthedl

    poetonthedl Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2003
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    I think you should leave because you are teaching your daughter to settle. Her dad can still be there for her if you all don't live together. Don't sell yourself short you deserve a fulfilling relationship...
     
  7. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,376
    Likes Received:
    1,430
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,862
    I'm wondering what numberonemom decided to do.
     
  8. HerukhuMaat

    HerukhuMaat Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2003
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bucktown USA
    Ratings:
    +0
    Easy to say, but once you bring kids into this world, they are all that matters.
    They're being monogamous with each other and although they may not be totally happy together, they're a team, and they're both taking it for the team of mommy/daddy/daughter. Many people are selfish and end up in a tug-of-war with the child. At least they're both adult enough to be miserable-together rather than miserable-apart. I give both of them props for sticking it out, and who knows?..... maybe they'll re-ignite that spark for each other one day.
     
Loading...