Black Poetry : Tradeoff

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by mahoganyqueen, Oct 26, 2004.

  1. mahoganyqueen

    mahoganyqueen Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Tradeoff

    I do not like the feel of you inside of me
    Your penis feels evasive
    Your words are not comforting
    Your breath comes in pants
    Everything about the situation turns me off
    The I love you's you occassionally mutter
    Sound hollow
    But I am not
    Hollow
    You are staring at my insides with your one eye
    I want you to stop
    But I can't tell you that without hurting your black man pride
    So I moan
    Don't stop
    Harder
    Deeper
    When all's I really want is for you to
    Gently hold my heart and guard my soul
    But I can't have that without giving something in return
    Harder
    Deeper
    More
     
  2. caramelpython

    caramelpython Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :eeek: whoa this is a real as it gets! It's a shame this is a real thing that alot of women go through I guess. :peace:
     
  3. MzBlkAngel

    MzBlkAngel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    well done....this was felt
    thanks for sharing
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    heavy deep scribe and on point of what so many females face and deal with
     
  5. mahoganyqueen

    mahoganyqueen Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks to all who responded. I write for myself but sometimes I crave the feedback from like minded individuals. I'm doing my best to become a part of the destee family.
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    your best is felt coz u are part of the core of this family
    what u scribe was felt within and true females struggle
    with this drama more then none by far keep scribing flowing
    da emotional state of mind outward .....MOST WELCOME
     
  7. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wow.....I'm speechless, but let me get myself together cause I want to comment. Been there, never want to go back...What you captured here, that feeling of needing to feel loved, but feeling raped instead by the one you love, hit the bullseye. :darts: Poetically posed for sure, but clear as a bell.
    :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:
     
  8. angelicsage

    angelicsage Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Poet...and I call you so with "reverence and emphasis"
    because of the brilliance in your technique
    and the craft to which you skillfully sculpted the delicacy of this subject...
    ...you placed your reader "directly" in the moment
    of non-reciprocation...

    The emptiness, desperation and quiet pain in this piece
    was inescapable...

    Brilliant write...
    Sage
     
  9. Bluewater

    Bluewater Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yeah
    sometime you
    just want to be held
    thank you for sharing this poem
    it is indeed a great peace
    that tells so much
    about some of our thoughts


    BlueWater:heart:
     
  10. mahoganyqueen

    mahoganyqueen Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you everyone for the feedback. Ya'll know how to make a person feel like a poet. :grouphug: