Black Poetry : Track 16

honeebrownsuga

Active Member
REGISTERED MEMBER
Sep 28, 2001
36
0
East Orange, NJ
I can’t even listen to Carl Thomas
Since you said track 16 was about us
You said “Hey Now” is how you’re feeling me
But hey… Now I just don’t see
How words so beautiful
Can cause such a struggle
With my heart
Aimed at with a dart
And you hit it right on the bull’s-eye
Wringing it dry
Until there’s no love for you
But, I have to admit, I still do
I listened to this song day in and day out
Now I just want to throw the entire album out
Every time I hear this man sing
I’m reminded of being held closely by a shredding string
That finally stripped
Then split
Like my heart, in two
I wish it weren’t true
That anger and regret
Are words that I’ve repeatedly met
And that everything about you I will never forget


© 2001 honeebrownsuga-ljf
 
honeebrownsuga

I can definitely get with the concept of your piece & the thoughts and feelings that resonate from behind TRACK 16...

May I give some 'constructive criticism'??? I feel the depth of the poem being forced to conform with rhyming words at the end of every other line ~

I think that your poem would speak to further the depths and meaning if words didn't play tag at the end of each sentence... It's a great poem & I'm not tearing it down at all, I see a great poem that could get pushed to the side because of the intense lexical rhyming rhythm that drowns the feel and essence of this poem...

Thanks for allowing me to share my thoughts with you openly.

One :heart:

N2
 

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