Black Poetry : Track 16

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by honeebrownsuga, Oct 10, 2001.

  1. honeebrownsuga

    honeebrownsuga Active Member MEMBER

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    I can’t even listen to Carl Thomas
    Since you said track 16 was about us
    You said “Hey Now” is how you’re feeling me
    But hey… Now I just don’t see
    How words so beautiful
    Can cause such a struggle
    With my heart
    Aimed at with a dart
    And you hit it right on the bull’s-eye
    Wringing it dry
    Until there’s no love for you
    But, I have to admit, I still do
    I listened to this song day in and day out
    Now I just want to throw the entire album out
    Every time I hear this man sing
    I’m reminded of being held closely by a shredding string
    That finally stripped
    Then split
    Like my heart, in two
    I wish it weren’t true
    That anger and regret
    Are words that I’ve repeatedly met
    And that everything about you I will never forget


    © 2001 honeebrownsuga-ljf
     
  2. N2urSoul

    N2urSoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    honeebrownsuga

    I can definitely get with the concept of your piece & the thoughts and feelings that resonate from behind TRACK 16...

    May I give some 'constructive criticism'??? I feel the depth of the poem being forced to conform with rhyming words at the end of every other line ~

    I think that your poem would speak to further the depths and meaning if words didn't play tag at the end of each sentence... It's a great poem & I'm not tearing it down at all, I see a great poem that could get pushed to the side because of the intense lexical rhyming rhythm that drowns the feel and essence of this poem...

    Thanks for allowing me to share my thoughts with you openly.

    One :heart:

    N2
     
  3. VirtuousDove

    VirtuousDove Active Member MEMBER

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    honeebrownsuga

    I know what you mean! I know what you mean!! I've thrown out a few CD's in the past because listening to them just brought back too much pain after the love ended.

    VirtuousDove
     
  4. Reason

    Reason Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    ****

    That was powerful honee... fa real!

    Respect
    Reas
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    HoneeBrownSuga ...
    i'm just shaking my head
    and loving your flow

    :heart:

    Destee
     
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