Poetry Critiques : Tortured Souls

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Soncerat, Mar 29, 2005.

  1. Soncerat

    Soncerat Active Member MEMBER

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    Tortured Souls, they have to be the world's saddest people.
    They cry alone, they laugh alone, they die alone. They are always alone, even when they're surrounded by others.

    There's not much one can do to help them, Lord knows I've tried everything short of putting mine out of his misery.
    They're loveless, yet lovable.

    I met my Tortured Soul three months ago.
    In that short period of time, I have experienced more emotions than I have in my entire life. Pain, Anger, Sadness, Fear, Love, Joy, Happiness, Helplessness, Disgust...I've felt them all. I guess I should thank him for that. Not everyone is capable of having that effect on me.

    The only emotion I didn't have the chance to experience with him was ecstasy. For some reason, he withheld that one from me. He brought me to the rim to drink of it, but he snatched it away just as I was about to quench my thirst.

    I think that is because he knew had he let me partake of ecstasy, all would have been lost for he and I. There would have been no turning back.

    Sometimes I wonder; would that have been such a bad thing?
    Other times, I know it was for the better.
    He was the one who claimed he had no self-control.
    He was the one who claimed there was no goodness and mercy in him.
    He was the one who claimed he was rotten to the core.
    He was the one who claimed that nothing he touched remained good and wholesome.

    "I'm doing this for you," he said. "If you open your arms to me and let me into your life, I will cause you nothing but heartache, pain and misery."
    He was wrong.

    Everything negative that he felt he was, shone through positive times two.
    He was a good man, a horrible friend, and an excellent lover.

    Tortured Souls.
    I don't believe I have it in me to experience another.
    This one will last me a lifetime.
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    let me first welcome u to destee.com poetic workshop of critiques
    welcome to the house of peace & respect
    welcome from above as i bless this flow some love

    let me say it was a nice flow , try and laying it in a better format
    set of the stanza more or it read like a short story more then a
    poem i like the concept of it too so keep flowing and expressing
    :) :hiya: :spinstar: :spinstar: :hi:
     
  3. AHMOSE

    AHMOSE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    As I read this piece I had so many different emotions running through my head one minute I was happy one I was sad. You kept me on the edge with my emotions. Good drop

    I echo to you also a big Welcome to Destee.com
     
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